


Ethereal - Levi Ackerman

by b_laurent14



Category: Attackontitan - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, leviackerman - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Lemon, Oral Sex, Psychological Trauma, Psychological Warfare, Scouts, Sex, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Smut, War, scoutregiment, surveycorps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 36
Words: 75,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_laurent14/pseuds/b_laurent14
Summary: "For someone who is supposed to give their heart to our cause, you do not have one to give. You do not know how to love. You refuse to because you are a fucking coward. You are scared of what will come after I die.... You do not need to worry about losing me Captain Levi, you already have." I pull away from him. His hand drops.I think I really like him too.Y/N finds herself joining the trainee corps after witnessing the fall of Wall Maria first hand at Shiganshina. Due to some unnatural reflexes, she quickly piques the interest of a cold-hearted, grey-blue eyed scout -  'Humanity's strongest' - Levi Ackerman.SlowstartThings to note: Y/N is not a 'pick me girl' nor  'I'm not like other girls'. The only physical characteristic I have described is the height bc Isayama said Levi like people who are taller than him.This is a fanfic but mature chapters are shown by:Light NSFW scenes are shown by (~mature).NSFW (seggsual) scenes are shown by (mature)
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 116





	1. The Fall of Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N witnesses the fall of Wall Maria in Shiganshina

**(graphic warning - middle)**

I shove past countless people dragging some friends with me. Schmidt market is less busy than usual I notice, but still, this is Shiganshina, so 'less busy' is still very busy. I look at the small green flags hammered into Wall Maria. The scouts had returned this morning - half of them missing, the other half mentally missing. I had watched the blond commander with unnaturally large eyebrows lead the pack of broken men in a parade of humiliating defeat. His eyebrows were fused at a hard angle. He's used to the loss, I notice. He's used to not getting attached.

We'd all watched them lifelessly ride down the street. I notice a young boy and girl around my age staring at the parade from the other side of the street. I think I remember his name being Arun. Erun? Erin? The green-eyed boy was grinning. I suppose one of his elder siblings was in that parade. Alive. Barely.

The market place has now come back to life again. Yet I sense the atmosphere is drastically different. A dark sombre air has overcome the cobbled streets. I look down and quickly gather the rest of this week's potato supply from the farmers. We had an old family agreement - we give them fresh fish, they give us fresh potatoes. I grab the last of the potatoes and shove it into my bag. I turn to thank the merry (slightly drunk), farmer...

"Aaaaggggghh!"

"It's taller than the wall! Taller than the wall! Taller... wall." I see someone faint next to me.

"Mama, is that?"  
"Quick my Liebling's hide her eyes." I look at a young couple. The man lifts up a young girl and clutches her to his chest. The little girl buries her head in his shoulder. (Liebling means dearest/darling)

I feel a tugging on my sleeve. I peer down into the frightened eyes of one of my friends. I notice something in her eyes, something I've never seen before. I look to my other friend and see it in her eyes as well. All of us. All of us, in this market, are looking death in the eyes. And they're grinning. No. I'm not dying today.

"Colossal titan!" Somebody screams. I’m not sure I even want to look.

I fling one of my friends over my shoulder, not caring if she gets hurt. A bruise is better than a missing head. I grab the other's hand with my other and run. I hear a deep, earthy rumbling like a stampede of a thousand titans running towards Wall Maria. Crash. I glance back, a titan kneels. So that's what they look like. It has short, spikey atomic blond hair, which contrasts the reds and golds of its... armour? In an absurd way, it is beautiful. A beautiful death. No. What is wrong with you? Now is not the time for the sublime to take over your fight-or-flight. Don't look back Y/N. Run Y/N. Run.

I sprint towards the docks where our boats are, only just realising my shoulder is wet from tears. My entire family are fishermen and women and had been for generations, excluding my parents and uncles. My family? Are they alive?

**(graphic warning)**

Maria has fallen. It suddenly hits me. I hear screams surrounding me. I smell the stench of copper tainting the air, blood oozing in rivers on the streets. I see the pathetic wall-church folk chanting. What better way to go I guess, than bloody singing to a mound of rocks? I notice one on the bridge up the river. He's holding a hymn book. A titan peers down at him. 'Don't look' I scream internally as the jaws close.

I still look though. My eyes widen as the headless body falls to the ground, bashing against the bridge before bouncing into the river. I watch the final splatters of blood sprinkle down onto the bridge from the titan’s chin. I continue running, besides me, there’s a little boy petrified to the spot. I see him mouth ‘Momma?’ as a looming fist reaches down. I tear my head away but I can’t block out the loud CRACK echoing around the air as his limbs are ripped off. Is this the end? Is this where I die?

**(graphic ends)**

I, somehow, have reached the docks and stumble down to where our fisher boats usually are tied up. Our boats are small, oily and overcrowded, but they are home. Our home. The merchants definitely exploited my family's hard work, but my Grandma had said, "at least our job is to fish, not fight"... then my Grandad had said 'there will come a day when all will have to fight, for humanity will kill each other within these walls'. Morbid yes, but to be fair 2 of my uncles had just been killed by Kenny the Ripper.

I find it ironic now. We had our own way out of Shiganshina.

Shiganshina. We may live on the boats. But I spent most of my childhood widely roaming the cobbled streets and reading in the library at school. My fondest memories are of sitting on the bridges watching the sunsets; running around bonfires at night in the Market Square; reading next to the small gas furnace in Winter all of my family huddling in one boat. This is the end of my childhood. Tears begin to fall from my eyes. I have only the cruel, cruel world to see. Ignorance is no longer something I can afford to cling on to. I can’t pretend to be a little kid any more. Our home is being destroyed. Our family and friends being crushed crunched and chomped as we watch. But the hardest part of this is that this is goodbye. There’s no going back now. This is humanity’s doomsday. Whilst we may live on, what will that life be like? This is the beginning of the end.

"Y/N? Y/N!" My grandmother screams. The last of our boats is sliding away from the jetty.

"Jump!" I scream at my friend and for once in her life, she listens to what I say. I chuck the friend who was on my shoulder over to the boat. She flies into the arms of my Grandma knocking her down. The boats are moving quickly now, caught in the River Schmidt's currents. My grandad is nowhere to be seen. Is he...? No, I won't assume the worst yet.

"Quick Y/N. Jump."  
The boats too far for me to jump now. I can't. I can't. My friends are safe. My Grandma is safe. Safe. I can go now, be with my parents in the next life.

"Jump Y/N!" Someone screams. I've never heard them scream I think as I find my body flinging its self forward. I feel my feet get drenched. I knew I missed it. Wait... I feel something under my hands. I open my eyes. Wood. I was clutching onto the boat with one hand.

I feel my Grandad's strong, tough hands clutch at my jacket, pulling me up. I feel my hands get tingly bringing me back to current events. 'Shock', I think as my visions slips. The last thing I hear is my Grandma whisper:

"Unserer kleiner Vogel der Freiheit." **(Our little bird of freedom)**


	2. Enlisting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n enlists to the trainee corps after a surprise meeting with Hanji and obv Levi.

***time skip, a couple of years later* your POV**

I perch in the little alcove in the library. I'd accidentally broken into one of the Church of the Wall's highly controlled, propaganda libraries only a month after Maria fell. And naturally, years later I had become a, well to put it simply, a thief. It was expected naturally. The people of Wall Rose were unwelcoming and inhospitable. Whoever made it out of Maria, either died of starvation from the food shortage or died from trying to retake Maria. I was lucky. My family were alive, the ones who hadn't died before Maria that is. Most of my distant relatives had left to fish by the farms in the mountains, but my Grandparents knew someone from my Uncles' MP days and so now we all shared a tiny, 3-bed house.

Once I discovered the church's library, I quickly discovered the kitchen down the corridor. I started taking whatever I could get to keep my sisters alive. I steal for them, I am on borrowed time anyway. I had accepted my death that day when I jumped. It was on my third trip that I had discovered the basement. It was filthy, but full of old, probably illegal, mouldy books stored in little crates. Every time I visited I took a couple, and no one has ever caught me. I now spend night after night reading aloud. I was only nine when Maria fell. I taught myself everything. Everything essential to survival. History, law, psychological manipulation. Yes, psychology. 'You're just a kid'. Death doesn't give a single fucking shit about age. 

A series of voices suddenly catch my attention. "Yes, the applications for the military are opening up soon. All those younglings from Maria will want to fight - take back their rightful home, avenge their families, all that shit. And the older ones will soon die of starvation."

"We citizens of the Great Goddess Rose will finally have our lives back, not being pestered by those Maria fodder."

'Remind me to never join the Church of the Walls'. I internally think. Who the hell do they think they are? We're the last of humanity. And now a third of us are gone because they became some carnivores' lunch. Still, I'm getting older now. I can't pretend to be an innocent child for much longer. Well if I'm not joining the church, then the options are fishing near the fields with my distant family or the fight.

Fighting sounds cool. I already know about the schematics of ODM having found a rusty one in the basement of the church, plus I know about a lot of older missions from reading about them in my 'borrowed' books.

I hear the church-folk leave the room and I sneak out of the library. It's a sunny day outside, yet the starvation of the majority has tainted the air in a similar way to the return of the scouts. I shove the book I picked up into my bag and begin to run. I've never been a quick runner, but I could do long-distances, and that is what I did every week from my house to the library. In the last couple of years, I had grown tall but unfortunately thin from my diet. I'm nearing 5 ft 8" (taller than Mr Shorty Ackerman unfortunately). Most of my old fishing muscle is long gone, yet I still have enough muscle memory to know how to sustain my strength for as long as possible.

I think I'd make a good soldier. Plus I know how to fish if I ever find myself without supplies.

I slam into someone. A scout. I look up from the ground and see the familiar somehow glowing green cloak swaying in the wind almost as if the person is some sort of divine protector. No, wait. That's the light reflecting of the baker's shop windows. Still, I know deep down I want to be exactly like them.

The scout holds out their hand. I grab it and pull myself up. They have long brown hair, tied up in a messy ponytail. Their energetic eyes peer at me behind their glasses, darting all over me, analyzing me in the same way I analysed others. They notice this similarity as soon as it dawns on me and they let out a large grin.

"Hanji Zoe, but you can call me Hanji". Hanji suddenly darts up in my face, but not in a condescending way, in a friendly way. "And you are?"

"Y/N L/N." I stutter, slightly overwhelmed by Hanji's energy.

"Here Y/N, you dropped your book." I turn and another scout stands there. I smile weakly, take the book and bow slightly. Hanji immediately grabs the book out from under my arm.

"Hanji". The dude says sharply, in a warning tone. But not in a condescending way. A genuine worrying tone.

"Moblit." They return, unaware of his glares. So that's what he's called.

"Ooooo. Strategies of the Original Scouts." Hanji peers down at me, somehow, even though I'm sure I'm taller than them. "Are you joining?"

"I guess". I stutter.

"Hanji, Moblit." A curt, angry voice snaps behind me. I turn and stare down at someone. The first thing I notice is he's wearing some weird tie around his neck, must be important, it's not like scouts to get attached to sentiments, they've seen too many people die to know not to get attached. I stare down at the top of his head, his black hair is styled into an undercut.

"We don't have time for book club... See ya brat." He says, his voice full of contempt, but his face not showing any sign of emotion. He turns and whistles to his horse. What the hell is his problem? Is it that I'm taller than him?

"Don't mind him," Hanji whispers in my ear as the book falls back into my hands, "The enlisting office is around the corner on the right, there will be our green flag on the door sign." I nod in thanks and watch as they run after the black-haired scout, Moblit is slightly slower than the energetic Hanji and I see him call out for them to slow down, which Hanji ignores.

I follow Hanji's directions to the office.

***time skip, later that evening. Y/N has already enlisted***

I step into the house. Notice I said 'house' not home. This place can never be my home. My home is in Shiganshina. My home is in ruin. I go upstairs and place my bag on my bed. Who the hell was that rude dude with Hanji and Moblit? I suppose he's probably seen too many people die to be polite to every stranger. But still...

On the rest of my run home, I'd decided that Hanji is the coolest person I know, I hope all the scouts are like her and not that pompous shorty. I clutch the enlisting paperwork in my hands, I suppose I should tell my grandparents. The uniform I would get later the office had said as they gave me details of how to get to the training camp.

What have I done?

The truth now hits me. I've only gone and signed up for the fucking military. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm dead. Still, a nice safe job with the MPs might be better than the scouts. Hell, who am I kidding? The MPs are pigs and the one's that aren't, wind up dead like my Uncles. But, there's no way I'm stepping down. No way in Maria.

I shuffle across the hallway to where I can hear my Grandparents chit-chatting. I cautiously open the door.

"Vogelchen?" My Grandma asks, instantly seeing the perplexion in my face. She's called me her Vogelchen (little bird) since that day because my old friend that we saved swore that she saw me fly as she clutched my unconscious, in shock, body. "Rede nicht um den heißen Brei herum." **(german idiom, basically means 'don't beat around the bush')** my Grandma says.

"I enlisted. I'm going to join the military." I finally muster the courage to look at my Grandparents in the eyes. Their faces are blank, emotionless. Are they in shock? I've broken my Grandparents. My Grandma slowly gets up not revealing any emotion to me. She opens a drawer and rummages around. My Grandad stands up and turns to face her. She hands him a small pouch. I hear coins jangle inside.

They bet? They bet on what I would do with my life?

"You must promise not to die Y/N." She whispers.

"I promise." I stare at my Grandad, his smile isn't genuine; I can see the fear in his eyes. He, no. Both my Grandparents know, like me, that this week could be the last I ever see my family.

**Levi's POV time skip back to earlier in the day**

I watch Hanji dart off around the corner and the ever-faithful Moblit stumble after her. I sigh internally. Those two are gonna get too attached, and then when one of them dies...

I turn to nod goodbye to the Scouts in the office. Enlistment was soon, and for the 1 in 100 that didn't die after 5 years of service, it was worth it. For the rest? Well, they're dead so, obviously not.

I walk after Hanji and Moblit, I honestly have better things to do than wander around all the offices to make sure they're ok for enlisting week, but this is what Hanji called a 'lazy day'. Although, in terms of Moblit this is an 'active day' like always. I turn the corner to see Hanji and Moblit talking to a tall lanky girl. Moblit hands the girl a book, which Hanji immediately grabs.

"Oooooo Strategies of the Original Scouts," Hanji says. "Are you joining?"

"I guess." the tall girl replied in a sincere way. I look at her, she's wearing an oversized male button-up shirt and shorts which reveal her muscular legs. But still, there have been too many soldiers that were twice as muscular as her that did not make it back.

"Hanji, Moblit. " I snap. "We don't have time for book club... see ya brat." I turn and whistle to my horse. What is wrong with me? Why did I call her brat? Why do I even care?

I glance back. Hanji is handing her back her book and whispers something in her ear. She nods and smiles. She has a nice smile.

Why am I looking? Why do I care if she has a nice smile or not? 'Levi get a grip' I tell myself.


	3. Trainee Corps pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first couple at days at Trainee corps. y/n is introduced to the usual AoT gang.

***time skip, at training camp with the rest of the AoT gang*. YOUR POV**

Maria had fallen. And now I find myself among scared recruits getting screamed at by an old bald guy at Military training camp. It's hard not to laugh though. The girl standing next to me has a potato stuffed in her mouth. She notices me staring and grins. I glance at Commander Sadies, he seems preoccupied destroying all hopes and dreams of a freckled boy called Marco Bodt. I look back at the girl.

"Sasha Braus." She murmurs, offering me a chunk of her potato. I shake my head, I can tell she's not willing to part with it.

"Y/N". I whisper back. We grin at each other like the reckless idiots that we are. 

"Is your heart on your right side, shithead?!!!!" The commander is holding up a boy by his head. If the boy didn't have a buzzcut, it would definitely have been by his hair. I reckon they're related.

Sasha swallows. Shit. He's noticed us. Her eating. Me trying not to burst out laughing. We're dead. And we haven't even killed any titans yet. Sadies drops the boy - Connie Springer - and glares at Sasha and me.

"Hey, you two. What the hell are you doing?" I sense Sasha stiffen beside me. She looks around, avoiding eye contact with Sadies. I wink at her and she takes another bite. "You! I'm talking to you!" Sadies is suddenly in our faces. Sasha swallows and introduces her self.

"And you." Sadies's glare rips into my soul. I'm going to have more nightmares of him than the Colossal and Armoured titans.

I jump into the salute. My fist in front of my heart. I stare Sadies in the eye wanting to give off the impression that he doesn't intimidate me (which he most certainly does). "I'm Y/N, from Shiganshina District, Wall Maria. Sir!" He's gonna kill us. He knows we're absolutely petrified of him. Why did I enlist? Are all scouts like him? Why is he so scary. 

"Sasha Braus and Y/N." He scornfully spits our names out. **(I have no idea whether its Sasha Braus or Sasha Blouse and the internet gives me both answers.)** I look at Sasha for support, finally breaking eye contact with Sadies.

"Are you asking why people eat potatoes in general, Sir?" Silence. He's too shocked to even speak. And that's saying something considering he was the commander of the Scouts before eyebrow guy. Wait, what's Sasha doing? She's broken the potato in 2. She's handing him a half. What is she doing? NO! Sasha!

"Braus! Y/N! Run until you drop!" Sadies screams at us.

"Yes Sir." We salute. Sasha shoves the rest of the potato in her mouth which makes me short with laughter. Sadies glares at me and I instantly stop. I begin to jog, dragging Sasha's arm behind me. I notice the boy and the girl from the Scout's return parade the day Maria fell. I remember her name being Mikasa and his Erin. Weird name for a boy. I wave and accelerate into a run.

***time skip, five hours later bc you don't need a description of someone running.***

I look behind me at Sasha, she's led on the floor by the cabins. Too tired to even go inside. The first couple of hours, the run were actually ok. We just laughed and chatted whenever we were away from Sadies's cabin and we grinned and giggled when we passed it. I had gotten to know her quite a lot, she was from a small hunting village in the mountains and was an excellent hunter. She actually hugged me mid-run when I told her I came from a family of fishermen. I guess if we ever run out of resources, we won't run out of meat or fish. Now we just need a baker and a farmer and we're set for life.

I collapse next to her. Looking up to the quickly darkening sky. The 'glow worms in the sky' as I had once called them, were beginning to twinkle. I wonder what my family are up to now. A small face enters my vision from above. Sasha suddenly jumps up like a frog and bounds to someone.

"I brought you guys some brea... just water." The sweetest voice I have ever heard says. I sit up to find Sasha knawing away. Rip to the bread. The girl hands me the water, She's small, with giant blue eyes and soft blonde hair. "I'm Christa Lenz." If Hanji Zoe is the coolest person I know, then Christa is definitely the nicest.

"Are you a Goddess? A goddess?" Sasha screams into poor Christa's face.

"Hey, what are you three doing?" I look up to see another recruit, Ymir glaring at me and Sasha. _**(Do I hear a hint of lesbian action?)**_ I gulp down water as Sasha swallows a chunk of bread. Ymir and Christa talk about something as I collapse onto Sasha, who then collapses into Christa.

Sasha and I slowly crawl into the girl's cabin. Sasha somehow finds the energy to leap onto the top bunk. I collapse onto the spare bottom bunk under her. The girl in the bunk on my left has her back to me. I think she was called Annie. To my right, Ymir sits down and rolls her eyes at me. No midnight girly talks with these two I guess.

...

**Y/N's POV**

"Breakfast". I hear Sasha scream into my ear. I jolt up. There's no way in Maria, that I'm missing breakfast after not having any dinner yesterday. I pull on my uniform and stumble behind Sasha. My legs wobble beneath me. Why couldn't Sadies say 'run for 2 hours' not 'until you drop'? When I arrive, Sasha is already sat at a table with Connie Springer and his friend. I go and join them, considering no one else is around.

"Jean Kirschtein." The other boy said painfully. I think he might be developing a black eye.

"Dear old Janet over here had a bit of a fight at dinner," Connie informs me. "With Eren. Not that he minds though. Mikasa looked at him."

"But she and Erin have been inseparable for as long as I can remember," I reply. Jean turns to me, his smile fades as he realises what I said. "And Armin. But I didn't know him back in Shiganshina." I add.

"Shiganshina?" I turn as Marco sits next to me. "Whoa. You were there?"

"Yup." I notice two more guys come into the room. One of them has blonde spikey hair that I seem to remember from somewhere, but I can't place my finger on it. A tall lanky brown-haired guy sheepishly follows him. I notice they sit on the table behind us. The brown-haired one smiles slightly at my gaze. I smile back. Potato-girl has made us recruit-celebs I see.

"What was it like? Shiganshina? What was it like when it fell? Where you there? What happened? Who...?" Connie suddenly bombards me with questions.

"Connie," Jean says. "She may have lost people."

"No, it's ok. My family are fishermen. We have our own boats so we managed to get out before the ferries. Luckily we all survived." I answer. I look at my hand. I can still feel the wood underneath it that I had grabbed when I jumped. I suddenly become aware that the blond-haired friend of the smiley brown-haired dude is intently listening to me.

I turn around. "Were you from Shiganshina too?" I ask. I would have known them if they were from Shiganshina already, but I need something to start a conversation with them. 

"No, we were from a mountain village on the Southeast side of Wall Maria." The brown-haired dude says. "I'm Bertholdt and this is Reiner." I smile weakly again, we both knew what the titans were truly like. Bertholdt gives me the impression that he's seen too much than he can handle and would, in other circumstances, be a gentle soul. Reiner on the other hand gives me the creeps and the only reason I can think of is because of his hair. I go back to eating my breakfast as the rest of the recruits pile in.

"Today." Sadies screams. How has he not lost his voice? "Today, we will begin training for the ODM. If you want to live, you learn... quickly." He adds. No beating about the bush with him I guess. Thank Maria I found that ODM in the basement of the Church library. Of course, I couldn't whizz around in the basement, but I still knew the theory of how to balance with it.

...

Sadies glared at me. He definitely hated Sasha and me more than the rest of the recruits. I was strapped up to the training frame that would imitate balancing in ODM. Sasha and Connie give me the thumbs up from behind Sadies's back. Even Erin's bodyguard Mikasa is giving me a small encouraging smile. His name is Erin, right? Sadies nods to his assistant and I feel the harness lifting me up.

'Balance Y/N'. I tell myself. I close my eyes and a sudden wave of calm comes over me like when I'm running home from the library even though I'm a juvenile criminal. I feel like the external world has suddenly gone into slow motion and I'm moving normally, allowing me to adjust to every small stimulus. I hold my hands out at the right angles. I have no idea, how I know they are the right angles, I just know. I slowly open my eyes and Sadies's mouth is wide open. I look behind him, Sasha is holding a potato to her mouth, but for me to stop her biting down, she must be shocked. Connie is gawping like a pigeon, and even the creepy Reiner looks impressed.

"You're lucky Y/N." Sadies spits reigning his bitter persona. "Not many new recruits manage to balance perfectly on their first try. Only you and Mikasa so far have been able to balance perfectly. I'm surprised, Y/N... NEXT! You Yaeger."

The assistant unstraps me and smiles kindly. I wouldn't get that smile from the angry, short scout with Hanji and Moblit. I step back and Sasha leans on my arm. I sense the running yesterday has gotten to her finally. I peer down at her. Her head is the perfect height for me to rest mine. I love being tall. I feel myself slowly starting to fall asleep. I just impressed Sadies, he won't care if I sleep now.

...

"Yeager!!!!" Sadies screams awakening me. I start. Sasha is fast asleep leaning on me and Connie is leaning on her other shoulder snoring slightly. His snores sound like what the mutant child of a pigeon and pig would. After, naturally, it had been compressed by a meat-hammer and stewed in Connie-boogies. Disgusting. 

"They've been at this for hours," Jean says behind me. "Sadies refuses to let him stop or let us go until Yeager gets it. If he can't balance now, then he won't be able to control ODM and then he'll die. If he can't balance by tomorrow. He'll be shipped back to Rose in humiliation." I sense no remorse in Jean's voice. I think he actually wants Erin to be sent home.

"Jean?" I ask. "Is Yaeger's name Erin or Eren." I stress the 'i' and 'e' to make sure he knows what I mean. Jean just stares at me bewildered.

"You are my new favourite person." He says. "After Mikasa, my mum and Connie of course."

"Naturally. " I reply. "And you are mine after my grandparents, my whole family, the wider fishing community, all of Wall Rose, lovely Sasha and we obviously can't forget Connie." Jean grins. I'm glad his horse face has a slight sense of humour.

"Hhhmm." Connie mumbles, waking up to his name. Thank Maria I don't have to listen to him snoring anymore. 

I notice the assistant unstrapping an angry-looking... Yeager. "Jean, what is Yeager's first name then."

"Eren." He curtly replies. I look back at Eren stomping off to Armin and Mikasa. Armin stares in supportive wonder at Eren like a golden retriever. Mikasa just shrugs in my direction.

...

"You are, DISMISSED." Sadies screams. I don't think he's happy that Mikasa and I were the only ones who got it instantly, some people like Berthodlt, Reiner and Annie got it after a couple of small wobbles and Sasha got it after the 'discreet' promise of my dinner bread portion.

Sasha squeals and sprints into the cafeteria. I roll my eyes at Marco and Jean and run after her. I enter and find Sasha at our usual table scoffing down her food. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice someone else watching her, but in contempt, not amusement. I turn my head and see the short, snappy friend of Hanji. He looks more tired than when I last saw him but, other than that, nothing has changed about his emotionless self. I turn away to get served before he notices me looking. I blush slightly. Why am I blushing? Oh, Maria, NO!!!. Why am I blushing? He's probably a shitty person, and he's really short. Like _really_ short. I'm getting second-hand embarrassment from my own blushing. 

"Y/N," Sasha screams across the room nearly deafening me. My ears have had enough trauma from Sadies already. I turn and grin remembering my promise. I chuck my small loaf of bread at her and she catches it. I put my potatoes and butter on my plate and get a glass of water.

"Nice throw Y/N," Jean says loudly entering finally. "no wonder you're my favourite person after Mikasa, my mum and Connie." Marco grins at me, before staring at Jean in a dramatic manner. "After Marco as well."

"Thanks, Jean!" I shout across the room. The short, black-haired scout, winces and I see a glimmer of anger on his face before he returns to his pessimistic staring. "You're my favourite person after my grandparents, my whole family, the wider fishing community and..."

"Y/N!" I hear a familiar voice scream. I turn to find Hanji Zoe bounding towards me. Moblit is behind, panting.

"Will everybody SHUT UP!" The short scout orders, his green cape flaring behind him as he stands up.

"Oh shut up yourself, Levi." Hanji retorts pulling me into a suffocating hug. I lead them over to where Sasha and my friends are sitting. Sasha has already, unsurprisingly, finished my bread. "Hi, I'm Hanji and this is Moblit." They say analyzing my friends as well. Hanji and Sasha instantly get into a friendly conversation. I smile at Moblit across the table.

"Moblit, what are you guys doing here then. Since I can tell our best-friend Levi over there, clearly loves new recruits."

"Hanji was in the area and so they thought that you guys could learn about titans from the official Lead Scientist of the Survey Corps. Although I think, its because they've taken an extreme liking to you. Analytical minds must stay together. They say." The Hanji thinks I have an analytical mind. Wow. Moblit continues, "You mustn't mind Levi, over there. He's 'humanities strongest' but he's lost too many people to want to care anymore." **(*RIP to Isabel and Farlan*).**

"So what's Levi doing here anyways."

"Seeing if anyone has the potential to join the Levi Squad. Everyone in his squad has killed so many titans it's like a reflex to them, a normal Saturday job." That's so cool. If he saved me from a titan, I would 100% be willing to ignore his pessimistic stare and short height. 

"Well done today Y/N," Bertholdt remarks quietly. I turn. I nod in thanks to Bertholdt, who turns and sits down next to Reiner who has already sat down on their table. Something is wrong with him. I can feel it. It's the hair. I have no idea why though, his hair is literally blond and cut badly because haircuts are the least of trainees' worries. 

...

I suddenly notice a flash coming towards me. I feel my body jerk into the same feeling I had earlier on the balance trainer. The world suddenly slows down and I notice the flying object is a knife. I stare at it in confusion and then notice it is headed directly for the back of Moblit's head. Hanji's eyes dart up noticing too. That looks very strange in slow motion. I'm sure Moblit doesn't particularly want to die today, so I stand up and reach out...

I feel the cold metal in my hand. I've somehow closed my eyes without realising it so I open them. The knife is about a centimetre away from Moblit's head. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. I turn in confusion not knowing how I did that. Hanji looks surprised and yet furious. I turn and look in the other direction Levi, Sadies on one table and Annie sat by herself at the back are all staring in shock.

"Who, in all of Maria, Rose and Sina threw a KNIFE at MOBLIT'S HEAD?" Hanji screams. Naturally, no one knew where the knife came from, the corner of the room it would have come from being empty and all. Moblit just stares at me in shock. I stare back at him also in shock. I run out of the room.

...

I run down the corridor and smash into someone. I look up and see Armin staring down at me. I begin to cry. Armin softly helps me up and we walk outside. I now peer down at Armin, fully conscious for the first time in my life, of my height. Most girls aren't 5 ft 8 nearing 5'9". When we're outside Armin hugs me. It's not an awkward hug like one usually is between two teenagers. I realise Armin is literally the best hugger in the world. We sit down on the edge of the cabin, me sniffing.

"You seemed quite friendly with the scientist."

"Yes, I ran into them, as I did just now with you, outside one of the Church's libraries. I had just stolen a book about the strategies of the original scouts."

"Stole... book." Armin looks completely distraught.

I laugh softly at his expression. "Normally I do 'return' them, but I enlisted before I had a chance to. I have it with my stuff if you want to read it. It's got a couple of paragraphs here and there about balancing on ODM." Armin doesn't need to know that it wasn't only books that I stole.

"So that's why you did it so easily. Mikasa's literally a badass so it was no surprise from her... But you should have seen Sadies's face drop." Armin jokes. I laugh at the image of Sadies's face entering my brain. We sit contently for a while staring at the night sky. 'Look 'Zari, the glowworms.' I hear Rory's voice enter my head. I never knew how much I would miss her.

"I hope your friend Eren gets it by tomorrow Armin... I suppose I should go check on Moblit." I pause and squeeze Armin's shoulder. He looks quite worried now. I suppose if Eren goes, then Mikasa will too and Armin will be by himself. "Thank you, Armin." I whisper before walking back towards the cabin.

I stumble back into the main cabin. Maybe I can get a glass of water before going to bed. I'm sure Moblit will be fine, he's probably used to treating Hanji's cuts and grazes as they're running to their next event. I sneak back past Sadies's office, I hear voices inside. I know I shouldn't listen, but if they're talking about me, which they probably are, I need to know.

"Only two people managed to balance immediately without any single wobbles. And she was one of them." Sadies says. He sounds horribly disappointed. I think he was looking forward to verbally abusing Sasha and me for failing. But in the end, it was Eren who failed. I guess he still got to scream at someone though. 

"That's my Y/N," Hanji replies. I grin with the cheeky smile of a schoolboy who got full marks on a test after studying all night. 

"I had no idea her reflexes were that good," Sadies says back. I think I've surprised him again. "But she has an absolute utter disregard for what the military is about." Eh? That's not true. I do everything I'm explicitly ordered to. "If there's any chance to skive off and joke about with her friends, she will. Especially that Sasha Braus." Sadies does have a point I guess. This lunchtime, we were on washing-up duty, Sasha said that Connie needed to wash his hair and Jean stole the soap and began to ironically scrub Connie's head rather than the dishes. 

"These may be the last years they will be able to joke around like that, Sadies." The deep, slow voice of Commander Erwin says. "There is nothing wrong with that."

"She doesn't realise what is facing them out there," Sadies says.

"No one does at first," Hanji replies, there's a quiet bittersweetness to their voice. I guess the older you get in the scouts, the more friends you lose. 

"I think she does." Sadies's assistant says. "I overheard her and some recruits talking. She's from Shiganshina District."

"Shiganshina?" The curt voice of Levi sliced through the air.

I decide that I've heard enough and I stumble back into my cabin. Sasha is already asleep. Christa and Ymir are talking. Christa smiles at me and then continues her conversation with Ymir.


	4. Trainee Corps pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's viewing on 'the Moblit event'  
> y/n vs Annie  
> Jean vs Eren

**Levi's POV**

Hanji had somehow managed to persuade me to visit this year's recruits on their 'lazy day' and so now I find myself in the cafeteria making a cup of tea. Hanji and Moblit were discussing some trivial matter with Sadies and I did not care to join them. What am I even doing here? I have the paperwork. It's horrible the amount of paperwork Erwin makes me do and I'm lucky that I only have to deal with mission reports due to the competence of my team. If I had to add letters to their parents and children explaining why their beloved is dead... that would be too much paperwork.

But still, what am I doing here?

The cafeteria doors open and a bouncy auburn-haired girl strides in and gets her meal. It's not that time already, is it? I hold my tea up and take a sip analyzing the girl. She eats too fast. She'll be sick the moment she tries actual ODM.

Someone else enters the cafeteria but I'm too engaged in the gross table manners of the girl to care. When my attention finally diverts to them I notice its the bookclub lanky girl with the muscular physique. Was she always that tall? Was she always that muscular? Was she always that beautiful?

Wait, what?

No Levi, don't get attached. When you do, they die?

"y/n!" Foody screams. I watch y/n throw her bread directly into Foody's hands. y/n goes to get a glass of water, her gentle hands clutching her plate.

Two more people enter the room, Horseface and Freckles. They sit by Foody and Horseface begins shouting a list of people to Y/n who grins and starts shouting a list of random people back. Her smile lights up her golden weathered skin. She's spent alot of time outdoors. That's good for a Scout, she'll be able to easily adapt to any wild terrain.

Do new recruits ever stop shouting? I think as she continues listing random people. I feel my frustration quickly grow.

"Y/N!" Hanji screams throwing their body at Y/N like a maniac, Moblit panting behind.

"Will everybody SHUT UP!" I finally snap, standing up.

"Oh shut up yourself, Levi." Hanji says heading towards Foody, Horseface, freckles and F/N L/N. F/N L/N. That's a beautiful name.

"Levi, long time no see." Sadies says sitting next to me. "Erwin's still in one piece, I assume." Thank Maria, Sadies is here to take my mind off things. Those things being A). F/N. B). L/N.

...

A silver flash suddenly catches my eye. It's heading straight for Moblit. Hanji's noticed it too, their eyes wide. I close my eyes slightly and wait for a cry of pain and a thud.

Nothing.

Have I suddenly become hard of hearing? There are no cries of pain on Moblit's behalf. Have I gone mad? I slowly open my eyes and stare, Y/N is clutching a knife that's one centimetre away from Moblit's head. She drops the knife and stares in shock at Moblit.  
"Who, in all of Maria, Rose and Sina threw a KNIFE at MOBLIT'S HEAD?" Hanji screams.

Y/N strides out of the room looking as shocked as I feel on the inside. There's no way that she could have done that. By the time it should have taken her to notice the knife, stand up and away from the bench and grab the knife, the quickly flying knife should be far in Moblit's skull.

She's fucking ethereal.

...

I stand by the window looking out at Y/N and a fellow recruit talking and looking at the stars. I clutch a new boiling cup of black tea. Sadies has ushered us all to his office where his assistant and Hanji treated Moblit for mainly shock.

I notice her begin to move back towards the cabin. I move to the door. "Stretching my legs" I mouth at Erwin. He shrugs. I hear tiny footsteps patter down the corridor but then they stop all of a sudden. Outside the door.

"Only two people managed to balance immediately without any single wobbles. And she was one of them." Sadies says drawing my attention back to the room momentarily. I haven't heard her walk away, she must be eavesdropping.

"That's my Y/N," Hanji replies to Sadies. I smile internally too.

"I had no idea her reflexes were that good," Sadies says back. "But she has an absolute utter disregard for what the military is about. If there's any chance to skive off and joke about with her friends, she will. Especially that Sasha Braus." This peaks my interest, I was too busy gwaking at her physique to notice the carefree, naive playful manner with which she 'bantered' with her friends. Does she take killing titans as seriously as she should?

"These may be the last years they will be able to joke around like that, Sadies." Commander Erwin says. "There is nothing wrong with that."

"She doesn't realise what is facing them out there," Sadies says.

"No one does at first," Hanji replies.

"I think she does." Sadies's assistant says, I still don't know his name. "I overheard her and some recruits talking. She's from Shiganshina District."

"Shiganshina?" I hear myself speak before I've even processed my words. I hear the steady little patter of feet as Y/N walks away from the other side of the door.

***time skip, Merrow and the AoT gang are nearing the end of training* Merrow's POV**

"Breakfast." My alarm clock called Sasha screams, waking the whole cabin. At first, we all hated it, but after Sadies started making us run a kilometre for every minute we were late, our Potato-girl became the local alarm. I pull on my uniform. At first, the ODM harness was a pain to get on properly, but now I was used to it. My fingers tightened the straps automatically with the right tightness.

We were nearing graduation. Sadies had already started evaluating all of us which involved him sitting in weird places in trees with a clipboard. I remember cutting the nape of a wooden titan perfectly and then almost crashing into Sadies who was hiding in a bush. The laps I had to run afterwards felt almost as bad as the ones Sasha and I had to do on the first day. Since then, I had grown to 5 ft 9" and my poor best-friend moaned about her neck ache constantly.

Sasha drags me out of our cabin and I see Marco and Jean dragging Connie out of theirs'. Poor Connie didn't have Sasha as a personal alarm clock which meant he got dragged out of bed twice a week by Marco and Horse-face. I roll my eyes at Marco per usual and he sleepily grins back, his freckles scrunching by his nose. We'd all fallen into a strange identical routine since those early days. Even Sadies was becoming predictable and I now knew how to read his body language exactly. Sasha is my alarm clock. I am her Sadies-O'metre. "Scream coming in point second". I whisper to her as we sit down.

"Today we will be assessing your hand to hand combat in preparation for your graduation next week." I mimic along with Sadies to Sasha, as she tries to keep her breakfast down. I wasn't very good at hand to hand combat due to my extreme height and inability to sprint. Long-distance, I was fine. But you shouldn't need to have to run a kilometre just to punch someone. My abnormal reflexes had not surfaced again since the day I saved Moblit, much to Sadies's dismay and joy. In his eyes, I was a failure once again. But I was a happy failure. I messed around with Sasha and the others; I plotted strategies with Armin using my stolen book; and when Hanji and Moblit visited, I helped read through their scientific experiments.

'Only the top ten join the military police.' He had instilled in us, but I'm happy pretending to fail at his game.

I walk out onto the courtyard and pretend to get into a fighting stance in front of Sasha. She rears forward, energised by breakfast. I know I can't jump out of her way, so the best way of winning is meeting her advances, with an attack, not a defence move. As she raises her fist at me, I laugh and catch it; stopping her. I then pick her up and fling her over my shoulder like I used to do with Rory. I begin to tickle her as she hammers against my back.

I see Ymir and Christa staring at Sasha's laugh-cries and wave. Christa waves back and Ymir just sighs.

"Aaaaarrrggghh." I hear. I turn and Connie is springing towards me which I think is the best thing that I have seen all year. "They dared me." Connie pouts, sulking next to me. I put Sasha down as 'they' arrive.

"Jean you absolute genius, Connie Springer springing is the best thing ever," I tell him.

"Don't let him dare you though Y/N." Marco Bodt says. "I had to make some strange comments about my last name to Sadies with a straight face."

"Well my last name is about a mermaid in some old pre-wall legends," I reply, instantly seeing the irony.

"Wait. Wait!.." Jean stares at me in awe. "Your name means mermaid and your family are fishermen and women."

"Shit. How did I not ever make that connection before?" I wonder out loud. "Plus Mer according to my Grandma was pre-wall language for sea in another land."

"Maria, Y/N. Next, you'll be telling us Y/N means fish." Marco jokes.

"I don't think so, Marco."

Our attention suddenly gets diverted by Annie hovering over Eren who's lying on the floor making loud anger noises. Typical Eren. My dude definitely needs counselling. But Annie, damn. She's usually slacking in a more discreet way than Sasha, Connie and I. She's only really talked to Bertyl, but he's probably too busy being Reiner's personal counsellor to notice that. Annie's whispering something to Eren whilst Reiner stares on surprised too. Reiner gives me less of the creeps than he originally did, but there's something still off about him.

I shrug and look back at Sasha and Connie who are posing like birds. "Maria, Sasha." Connie starts. "I've only gone and pulled my hamstring." I laugh at my crazy friends.

"Merrow! Braus! Springer!" I hear Sadies scream. "You do realise that graduation is nearing, don't you?"

"Yes Sir." We reply saluting. Sadies picks Connie up by his head again. And to think, I once thought they were related. "You, Y/N."

"Yes, Sir?"

Sadies glares around and his gaze falls upon the slumped Annie. "Leonhart". He screeches. "Fight Merrow". Annie salutes in the distance before trailing over.

I stand in my fighting stance and look at her. Pure, sharp hatred has filled her eyes, suprising me. But her hard gaze doesn't seem to be directed at me or Sadies or clearly Eren when they fought earlier. Annie's somehow got a switch for all her stored anger and frustration in her head and has the ability to release it at once. As I'm pondering Annie's skills, I realise I've let my fighting stance gone slack.

A flash appears towards me. She's fast. Faster than Sasha. Too fast. Too fast. I can't swerve, catch or defend. Shit. Aaaaaaaggggghhhh. I suddenly feel a switch inside of me too. The same strange calmness washes over me like when I saved Moblit. I analyse Annie's attack now. She's fast yes, but she was relying on her speed to knock me out quickly rather than putting her skill into a formulated attack. She's a sprinter. I do long distance.

Somehow in front of me, I work out the angle at which her body and her fist will be at if I was there to receive her hits. Annie looks strange in slow motion. I pivot on my back foot away from the attack and lunge back. I'm safe from her fist now, but not her rising leg as she realises I've moved. I knock behind her knees causing her to fall backwards, utter surprise on her face. Even Sadies has caught on to what's happening. I use my swinging arm to uppercut Annie and as time returns to normal, she flies back into the dirt.

...

The rest of the day passed quickly and per usual, we all sauntered into the cafeteria on the verge of collapse except for Sasha of course. As I sit down, I notice Sadies frantically scribbling on a piece of paper. It's funny really, I genuinely didn't know that he could write. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sadies look up and stare at me. He must be writing to Hanji or Erwin and telling them of my ~miraculous ~ slow-mo skills.

My attention is drawn back to my friends where Jean is passionately telling anyone who is listening (so just Marco) about joining the MPs. Meanwhile, Eren Yaeger from the other side of the room is staring him in an angry way that reminds me of sudden anger in Annie's eyes earlier. I turn back to face Marco and Jean. Marco who has now been slashed by Jean's water. Jean who is now sneering his face.

"That's not true. That's not me at all." Marco sincerely replies. I hear a tiny quiver in his voice.

"Listen to you guys," Eren says from across the room in a haughtily, high and mighty fashion. Jeez, when did he develop the superiority complex. I motion to Sasha and we subtly sneak and sit next to Mikasa. I'm not getting in between Jean and Eren today, no Sir.

"You got a point to make, FRIEND." Jean spits. "I'm right here."

"Poor Jean so misguided. Besides, I don't think your head will fit in the interior anyways." I've got to hand it to Eren. That was pretty savage. Now I just think Eren needs counselling even more. Mikasa stands up.

"Gentlemen please." Eren of course steps back a bit, but I can tell Mikasa is too late and Eren won't listen to her now. Jean just looks positively incandescently happy. 'Mikasa touched my shoulder'. I see his brain working. I look around everyone has gone quiet.

Suddenly, somehow Jean is on the floor. Sorry, when did that happen? Even Annie looks impressed on the other side of the room.

Sadies opens the door slightly. "Does someone care to explain the little ruckus I heard right now?" We all sit in silence.

Mikasa raises her hand. "Sasha passed some gas Commander." I feel Sasha stiffen into shock next to me.

"Why am I not surprised?"

Sasha's sat straight upright now, her mouth wide open with shock. Sadies leaves as Sasha flings her self at Mikasa who don't show any emotion or response. I feel the tension in the air between Jean and Eren whilst I chuck Mikasa some bread who shoves it in Sasha's mouth.


	5. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation  
> Eren vs Jean pt2
> 
> The backstory about y/n's Uncles, Erwin's father and Kenney the Ripper  
> This is literally so random about y/n backstory but I NEEEED the mysterious background trope

**Y/Ns POV**

"Do you have heart?"

"Yes, Sir." All two hundred + of us salute, raising our fists to beside our heart. Even Connie has learnt where his heart is now. I stand in the pack of the best 10 at the front in between Marco and Connie. Sadies must have been impressed enough by my strange reflexes and strategic abilities to place me in the top ten. Which is probably the most surprising thing that's happened since the Jean-Eren incident. Jean is just gawping at Eren. I can't believe Jean ranked behind him.

"As of now, you have three options. Choose WISELY! Those cadets eligible for the MPs have already been named. The rest of you take a look. These are the top of your class!" I stand in awkward embarrassment and pride as I feel my fellow recruits staring at us.

...

Connie, Sasha and I are leaning by a pillar in the cafeteria after graduation. I can't wait to see my grandparents again and tell them I graduated in the top ten. I might miss out on the reflex stuff though. I see Jean sulking by himself on a table. He has no idea how Eren scored higher than him either. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sadies saw the commotion in the cafeteria the other day and chose not to mention it. Eren is shouting something at Reiner and Beatrice which I ignore because it's probably some philosophical shit that Armin mentioned once when they were 5 and Eren has only just understood. Eren promptly runs out of the room followed by his bodyguard and golden retriever.

Sasha, Connie and I go and join Jean. Marco is talking to Reiner and Bertieloto. Connie and Jean instantly start talking about how proud their mums will be (RIP Connie's mum). I wonder if I'll be allowed to take a day before my first mission to visit my family as sending letters isn't the same. Hanji had sent me a letter saying they were going on a mission whilst we were graduating, so I'll probably see them in person before a letter from me gets there. I can't wait to tell them and Moblit that I graduated in the top 10. Hanji said in a letter that their squad is already full, but they have requested me to Commander Erwin for in a couple of years time when someone dies. It's kind of horrible really, that to get my dream position in the scouts working alongside my idols, someone has to die. Plus I'd have to leave my potato-girl.

"y/n!" Somebody squeals. I know that voice. They should not be here.

"Grandma?" I look up to see my Grandparents. A string of other adults and small children file into the room as well. "They let anyone who was nearby come and visit for graduation, and obviously 1 day's travelling is nearby."

"You're alive." My Grandad says, resting his hand on my shoulder. I nod sadly. I never really got to say goodbye to her before I left and this may be the last time I see anyone from my family again.

"Guys, this is Sasha Braus, my best friend." I introduce my family to Sasha and then slowly to the rest of my friends. My Grandma hands me a small round cake. I look up at her. I hadn't had anything like this since my childhood. Even the Church's kitchens were devoid of confectionary and any other baked products that were not a form of bread. I feel Sasha staring next to me and my Grandad produces a filleting knife from his jacket. He shrugs and hands it to me. I slice a section for me and a slice obviously for Sasha as well who grabs it and goes and hugs my Grandma for what will probably be the next hour.

"You know Sasha and I graduated in the top ten of our class," I tell my family with pride. My Grandma made a strange noise and my Grandad handed her a pouch of coins. They bet? They bet on whether I would graduate top 10 or not? My Grandma winks at me. My Grandad coughs.

"Um... Y/N, can we talk outside for a bit."

**(This section now is a lot of character background and development)**

**Summary bc its quite long and not relevant to the normal AoT arch:**

**\- Y/N'S family is like the Ackerman/Eastern Clan - immune to the King's forgetting powers.**

**\- Y/N'S Uncles were assassins for the King.**

**\- They murdered Erwin's father**

**\- Y/N'S father took Erwin under his wing**

**-** **This is literally all so random, but yall can deal with it. You know how the Ackermans had like titan blood in them cause experimentation and whatever, I was thinking the same for Y/N for the spice.**

...

The air's cold outside. I stand next to my Grandad. "You're always welcome back in the fishing community, you are a Y/N, after all, but your Grandmother and I are not stupid: you belong with your friends in whatever military section you decide on. I want you to know that your mum and dad would be so proud."

"Thanks, Grandad," I whisper. I miss my parents terribly. My father had died from a heart attack when I was four and my mum on a scout mission a year later. Thanks to her, almost a hundred other scouts came home that day. 

"Y/N?" My Grandad asks.

"Hmmmph, yeah? Sorry I was thinking about... stuff"

"Naturally. Sorry to divert your attention, but we don't have long. It's already nighttime which means I might have to go soon and I can't leave you without telling you. That's why we travelled so far to get here."

"Grandad?" I feel worry taking over me. Worry and curiosity.

"You know your whole life we've told you that your Uncles were some of the few MPs that aren't pigs that worked simply because they wanted to serve the king and not because they wanted the easy safe life..."

"Yuh." If it wasn't for my parents, I would definitely want to be an MP like my Uncles. Then I could stay with Jean and Marco.

"Well whilst your Uncles were off at trainee corps, your father went to school. And at his school, he had an English/history teacher called Mr Smith. Mr Smith was a young newly qualified teacher with a quick wit and extraordinary brain. He and his wife had also given birth to a young boy called Erwin."

"Why do I need the commander's back story?"

"Anyways." My Grandad says ignoring me. "Your father was one of Mr Smith's favourite students and vice-versa. Mr Smith had a lot of strange and obviously true theories about the walls and titans that the King did not particularly like. These theories your sub-conscious may have already figured out by itself. There are a few families/clans within these walls that the King is truly terrified of because these families are the only ones who can destroy his peace. We are one of these families. The merchants don't exploit our family so much more than the other fisher-families simply because they feel like it. Many years ago it was 'suggested' by the royal family and the hate was passed down through the generations."

"Yes, but what does this have to do with commander Erwin's father?"

"As the years went by, Mr Smith's theories got out and soon the King caught on. The MPs began to close around Mr Smith and in a last-ditch attempt to save his family, Mr Smith reached out to your father who was by now a fully-fledged scout. Your Uncles whilst your father was training, had begun to deal in matters that they should not have, doing the dirty work directly for the King. Thus they gained the nickname 'the King's aces' because if they were played, you were going to lose."

My Grandad pauses. I'm too in shock to say anything.

"By the time your father got to Mr Smith. Your uncles had already shot him in the heart. The King's Peace has to be maintained at all costs. Then the King tipped off Kenney the Ripper with a large sum and you're uncles were found dead the next week in the Underground. Overcome by guilt your father became a guardian angel in Erwin's life, introducing himself as only a good friend of your father'. And when Erwin joined the scouts, clearly inspired by his father's theories and your father's skills, he was assigned to your father's squad, which later became his own."

Wait, what?!

"By now you've probably noticed that your flight-or-fight response comes with some additional let's call them 'powers'. For your Uncles and I, it is agility/speed - you ever wonder how I was able to catch you that day Maria fell even though I was downstairs, inside the boat? But for you and your father, it's slow-motion reflexes... 

My father also had my weird slow-mo reflexes? If we ignore the uncle situation, this is the best day of my life.

"You're ready to receive a family heirloom now Y/N," Grandad says. "You're more of a L/N at such a young age, than some of my own children." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small silver scabbard with the Trident engraved in blue at the hilt. He hands it to me and I pull back the knife from the scabbard. This is all happening very quickly. "Only if you're ready."

I nod in response. He smiles at me, pride in his teary eyes. He continues speaking, "That's a new scar?" He points to the back of my neck where my shoulder blades meet; my nape. Oh yeah, hand to hand combat. Got knocked down and got a scar the shape of a trident on my neck. Anyways, if I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my probably short life slicing titan's napes I want mine to have an element of dramatic irony on it. Where their weakness lies, my nape reveals my advantage."

"You advantage, being that someone decked you in hand-to-hand combat? Any why is it a trident shape, again?"

My Grandad kisses me on my forehead. My 6 ft 5 Grandad is one of few people in my family that are taller than me. "For there to be wings of freedom, there also have to be birds. We are the birds."

I feel the sheath in my jacket pocket. Normally family heirlooms are jewels or other valuable objects, not knives and an inside joke about scars. 


	6. Trost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha and her stolen meat  
> The return of the Colossal Titan  
> Levi saving y/n. (it's wholesome not 'persecuted feeble maiden' trope)

**y/n's POV**

The 104ths and I had been assigned to Trost District where I remember Hanji had written they would be returning. We'd just arrived when we all looked up to the watchtowers at the sound of the bells. They were returning already? Eren pushes past me followed by Mikasa. I suddenly remember that day when Maria fell. Except now they are my fellow-to-be scouts. We make our way down the cobbled tracks to where the people of Trost were already gathering to welcome home the Scouts.

Thoses scouts. Those poor scouts. Those scouts that I want to join. A life fighting for humanity. A life beyond the walls. And whilst I heartily doubt it, maybe my eventual sacrifice won't be in vain. Maybe one day I'll go down in pride and not screaming my head of at a titans face.

Commander Eyebrows rides in. His expression is like how I last saw him in Shiganshina. His stare is hard, cold, he's trying to not get attached. I wonder how many people died out there, their deaths resulting to nothing evidently. Is this the life I want? Can I be a part of this broken parade?

But those who died and gave their all weren't broken. They gave their lives for humanity. Their memory goes on in pride that they are a protector of mankind. Their 'wings of freedom' soared behind them as they charged to their deaths.

I feel Eren practically jumping up and down next to me gawping at the Scouts. He's wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. I remember back to trainee corps when he made a scene at least once a week, promising to kill every last titan. I find it hilarious how Eren has masses of unbottled anger.

"y/n, lift me up I want to see." Sasha orders. I naturally comply with, lifting her on my shoulders. Armin shakes his head at me as he smiles. I spot Hanji ride around the corner. I meet their eyes, they stare in excitement and... pride?

"Top 10". I mouth to them. Hanji's already grinning smile seems to widen as they turn around and tells Moblit. Besides them, Levi winces at their energy. His grey eyes meet mine for a second. Then Sasha bopping my head distracts me.

I'd decided to not tell anyone about Erwin's dad, but I did show Sasha my knife, who stole it and showed it to Christa and Ymir. Other than those three, no one else knew. No one should ever know. And for the matter of my Uncles, well, I'm going to ignore it.

***Levi's POV***

We'd returned from our mission to Trost district. Why did the new recruits have to be assigned to the Wall at Trost? The mission was the usual; too many lives lost, too little progress made. Still, Hanji thinks its a complete success for no other reason than they still has all their limbs. I guess they're right. I hate riding back in the day time. Crowds come to meet us all the time. It's like a little walk of humiliation, not that Erwin minds. It will take all of the Survey Corps to die before he walks home in shame.

I see some familiar beige jackets on the side of the road in the spectators. They must be the new recruits. The new fodder. I quickly recognise some of them from when Sadies summarised their skills. Mikasa who is the 1/100 that will survive; angry boy; tactician boy in need of a hair cut; tough tall blond and his brown-haired counsellor; potato-girl who is on someone's shoulders, on her shoulders... y/n. Hanji squeals next to me and turns around to Moblit.

"Top ten! Now Erwin has no choice, but to let her join us."

I look back to y/n and lock eyes with her. She has a kind expression but I can tell that Hanji's trained her well by the way her eyes dart over me analysing my face, which naturally shows no-emotion. I want her to look at me like this all the time. What? Levi, don't get attached, or they die. It's my number one rule.

Potato-girl hits y/n on the head breaking our eye-contact. I remember what Sadies had said about her. 'She has an absolute utter disregard for what the military is about. If there's any chance to skive off and joke about with her friends, she will. Especially that Sasha Braus.' Potato-girl I presume is Sasha. y/n's face breaks into laughter as Sasha says something into her ear. I pity them. One day I know that one of them will return and the other will not. That's the life of a soldier.

According to Sadies's old reports, y/n's reflex abilities had not surfaced again since the day that she saved Moblit, which means that I know for certain her abilities do not come from Ackerman blood. It also means that she is not skilled enough to join my squad. Unless her abilities have re-surfaced and Hanji is not telling me in order to get y/n on their's. Those two have formed a strange friendship and I think I'm beginning to be slightly jealous. I hate this new revelation.

...

**y/n's POV**

We'd been guarding the cannons for sixty-five years and Sasha had disappeared. Eren and Connie were arguing, Connie had decided to join the Scouts after Eren's strange speech yesterday. Sasha suddenly appeared again. I notice a lump from behind her jacket. Now, bread or potato?

Meat?!

I stand up with everyone as we stare at Sasha in shock. I feel kind of proud though.

"I want a slice, Sasha." Everyone starts chanting. Sasha's drooling too much to notice. I join in with the chorale.

"I'm in too."

Everyone's instantly back in high morale again. Even angry-Eren looks not angry for once. I grin as I clean the barrel of the cannon near me. Connie stands in the weird crow position he used to during combat training.

"No Sadies here to stop me now." He screams at us. Some dude named Thomas with wacky-sideburns wacks him on the head in a friendly way before picking Connie up by his head.

"You thought you could escape me?" Thomas imitates Sadies.

"Nooooooo." Connie wails over-dramatically. Sasha suddenly leaps over imitating her crow position as well.

"No Sadies. No Sadies. Ha." She hums. I walk over and pick her up by the armpits, she's strangely light.

"You thought you could escape, ME!" I imitate Thomas, imitating Sadies before, dropping Sasha and bursting into laughter. We collapse on the ground in a giggling heap, my lanky limbs going in all directions. Thomas and Connie stare down at us with a 'Sadies-special'-stare which, makes us laugh even more. Sasha and I slowly get up and go back to cleaning the cannons.

A green, yellow and black flash erupts from the sky. I turn in shock. The giant head of the colossal titan casually stares back at us.

"Whasss up?" I imagine it saying.

A giant eruption of steam and rumbling shoots towards us. I feel my strange slow motion senses switch on again. I run past each and every one of my friends and push them off the wall to avoid the blistering steam. They had ODM; I wasn't worried.

Wait.

Samuel. He was already falling. He was the closest to the steam and must have been knocked out. Samuel.

Sasha? What is she doing? She's falling after him. She's grabbed him. He dangles at the bottom of one of her hooks, still a significant distance from the ground. I secure my hooks in the wall, Connie lands next to me and nods in thanks.

"The wall! It's breached!" Eren screams before throwing himself back into the air, his arms rising. He's going to slice the Colossal down. A burst of steam erupts again and surrounds me. It's hot. Too hot.

"y/n!" I hear Sasha scream as my vision begins to fade, I feel one of my hooks dislodge from the wall. Then the other.

It's strange how calm I feel falling to my death. I can't feel my body anymore so I can't use my ODM. It's ok though. I feel like I'm flying. It's nice. I wish I fell slower, I want to enjoy this feeling before I die. Wait. I am falling slowly. Why am I falling slowly? What?

ODM quick! I tell my self. I feel my fingers reach out and one hook shoots into the wall. Is that enough height for me to not crash? I guess we'll never know. I see the ground nearing me and look back up. The hook still has lots of wire to go before it could go tight and lift me. I close my eyes and brace for impact. I see my vision slipping again. I hear my Grandmother casually whisper in my ear "Unserer kleiner Vogel der Freiheit." I guess it's ok to go crazy in your final moments. I hope my Grandparents will be ok.

...

**Levi's POV**

Hanji and my squad had come back to Trost again as soon as the messenger scout arrived. I quickly saw the hole in the wall. I look at the now-empty streets beneath me, all sorts of belongings had been dropped in their tracks. I arrive at the wall to find all the cannons destroyed. I hear crying. Who the hell is still here? And how have they not been eaten yet? I swing down and see potato-girl standing over someone. I knew before looking who it is. Potato-girl has her blades up, surprisingly at an accurate and efficient angle. Her stance on the floor is that of a hunter. I suppose those skills were missed by Sadies's summary to me, as the trainee-evaluation is on ODM. Two titans peer down at potato-girl.

I quickly swing past and slice both their napes. Killing titans is all the same to me now and yet I still feel the same rage inside that I first felt when Isobel and Farlan...nevermind. "Braus. I'm re-assigning you to the centre of Trost to protect against the incoming titans. You should find the rest of your squad there already." Her lip quivers.

"Yes Captain.." She salutes slowly before peering down at y/n. Potato-girl then ODMs off. I look down at y/n. When the Colossal titan emerged, she must have been knocked off the wall. One of her ODM hooks is buried in the stone, but clearly, she must have not reacted fast enough as she is lying at my feet. So much so for unnatural reflexes. I hear thumping and glance up to three small titans peering down at me. I kill them with little effort and resume my place standing over y/n.

She's lying on her stomach but her head is on its side facing me. She looks magnificent, considering she's dead. Her eyelids are closed, so I know she must have accepted her death. I guess I can get attached now, considering she's already gone. I notice something on her neck, is that, a scar? I kneel down and move her hair away. It's a small trident the length of her neck. Why is it a trident? My fingers brush against her skin. It's still warm. If I had been quicker on my ODM, I might have been able to save her.

"Levi!" Hanji screams. I shoot up, not that I think they noticed the way I looked at y/n. Hanji scrambles over and sinks to their knees. Some scuffling diverts my attention, as some more small titans stumble through the gap in the wall. I leave to deal with them. When I return to Hanji, they're hitting y/n's chest, but no longer with the accuracy needed for CPR. What in Maria is Hanji doing? Trying to break her ribs? y/n's chest suddenly twitches and she coughs. Hanji, you are now my new favourite person in the world.

**y/n's POV**

I open my eyes. I'm opening my eyes. My eyes are opening. So... I'm not dead? I stare up into Hanji's face. They're not grinning for once. I can feel the energy that usually surrounds them is no longer there. Another face enters my vision. I stare into their grey-blue eyes. Captain Levi.

"Whass up?" I weakly say.

"You're lucky Bookclub, that we were nearby or..."

"Levi." Hanji cuts him off. "She almost died. There's no need for that."

"It's life." I think I hear Levi murmur before he walks away. He hates me.

I sit up, I'm sat in the middle of a pile of titans surrounding us. There are about 10 small ones all with perfectly sliced napes dotted around. I see the wall next to us but I'm nowhere near the hole. They must have moved me. That or the Colossal titan can control the wind as well.

"He did all of this," Hanji says tying a bandage around my arm. "Whenever we see a dead soldier, most of the time we have to leave their bodies, but you... something about you stirred compassion in him and to be quite honest its frightening. He never acts on his own emotions, not since I've met him."

I look at Captain Levi, he has ODMed back onto the wall and is looking down at Hanji and me. I look down to my own ODM gear. One of the hooks is missing, but otherwise, it seems in perfect condition. I know I can't swing properly with only one hook and I think Hanji has already realised that. They pass me another ODM gear out of nowhere. It's stained with blood.

"Don't think about the person. They're... not... yeah, you get it." Hanji murmurs. I hear a whizz as Levi soars over our heads. Hanji stares into my eyes. "I'm not going to stop you from fighting y/n, but be careful. Your friends have been re-assigned to the middle of Trost so you'll find them there." Hanji ODMs in the direction Levi went. I try not to puke at the smell of the ODM gear, as I set off for where my friends are.

I think about what Hanji said about Captain Levi. Something about me stirred something in him. He's a cold, hardened titan-slayer who's lost enough people to know not to get sentimental, so what is it about me that made him stay? His grey-blue eyes on my mind, I almost crash into a building.


	7. Trost pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retaking the supply depot  
> Eren's titan  
> Sealing the wall at Trost
> 
> Fight between Y/N and Levi - for the spice bitches.

I land shakily on the top. I think I pulled 125 muscles when I fell off the Wall so a hard landing didn't help. I notice Mikasa, Connie and Armin on the other side of the roof. My friends. They're alive. Armin's doing something. What is he doing? He's giving Mikasa his ODM gear. No. No! Why? Where's Mikasa's ODM? He's holding a broken blade in his hand. Armin must be doing this for a reason, everything is calculated out with him. So why is he doing this?

"Mikasa!" I call as she grabs the blade and throws it off the edge of the building. That was dramatic, to say the least. She beckons for me to follow her as she and Connie begin running. Connie is dragging ODM-less Armin behind him. I hear a strange cry from a titan behind me. It seems to be ignoring us. Mikasa's ignoring it. If Mikasa is ignoring it, then I probably should too. Armin looks back and locks eyes with me. I nod. I know the look in his eyes when he's planning strategies from the long nights we spent studying 'Strategies of the Original Scouts'.

"NO!" Armin stops and I catch up to them. "I've got an idea. I think that you three are the only ones capable of pulling this off. But I think he's useful." Armin motions to the strange titan. Connie's mouth drops and even Mikasa looks slightly shocked.

"He only attacks his own kind." Armin continues. "He seems to have no interest in us. What if we can somehow steer him to HQ and let him loose on the other titans." This abnormal only attacks fellow titans? Today is probably the luckiest day of my life: 1. I survived that fall. 2. A titan doesn't want to eat me. 3. Sasha's meat is still at the top of the wall if it survived. Get your priorities together Y/N. I presume HQ is surrounded by titans by Armin's comments.

"We can use him as a weapon!" I catch on. Armin nods. We stan Armin for being the one brain cell in the 104th cadets.

"If I'm right, we can put an end to the siege on HQ in one fell swoop." Armin defends his idea. Well, when I say 'defends' I mean 'no one is going to argue with him but he's going to give reasons anyway because he's insecure'

"I'm in," Mikasa says. Connie's mouth drops again. I nod in agreement with Mikasa.

"So basically we're gonna recruit a TITAN." Connie says looking defeated. "My death's on you, Armin. We'll look like morons if we screw this us."

"If we screw this up Connie we'll look like titan's lunch." Connie shoots daggers at me with his eyes. I guess snarly comments don't really help in these situations. We turn and run towards the abnormal. The abnormal is occupied trying to kill two normal titans. Mikasa slices one of them whilst I slash at the other. The abnormal screams again, as we shoot past and turns its head towards HQ. We ODM beside it as it runs towards the titans. I notice two of them have managed to stick their heads into one of the building's walls. The abnormal suddenly punches them away.

We smash through another window and find Jean standing there in shock. Connie puts Armin down and ruffles his hair.

"Mikasa... you're... am I dreaming this?" Jean stutters. One day he'll tell her how he feels. One day.

I look back to Connie hitting a confused Armin on the back. "From now on, your word is the law." He tells the blond. Connie explains the situation of the abnormal to Jean who looks even more shocked now. We look out of the hole in the wall to the abnormal titan.

"It seems to be engaging in hand to hand combat." I tell Armin. I point out. "Look at the way it stands after it's thrown a punch. It's an attack stance." Armin nods as we turn away and walk further inside to where the lift is. I sit down with Connie, Annie and Bertolo. I scan the room. I can't see Eren. Or any of my old squad. Was Armin the only one to make it out alive? Sasha?

I suddenly feel something crash into me and I look down to see my potato-girl crying her eyes out. "There were two titans, Y/N. I couldn't move because by the time I could have sliced one, the other would have picked you up." Sasha sobs. "And then Captain Levi came and ordered me to leave you and..." She wails into my shirt. I hug her tightly.

"I woke up to Hanji and Captain Levi. Hanji said I could come back and fight. I only think I've pulled some muscles. There are no serious injuries. Besides by the time I came round, Levi had killed off the titans." I wasn't going to tell her about the rest yet. She was crying too much.

Jean and some people stumble into the room carrying boxes of old, dusty riffles. I guess they'll help. Help prevent our deaths for another sacred minute. I grab one and go and sit next to Armin.

"We're looking at 7 titans of the 4m high variety in the supply room. If we time this perfectly, enough shots should be able to destroy their eyes and maybe their napes if were lucky. Then some others with gas left can swoop down and grab some gas canisters." He pauses looking at me.

"Or the ones with gas can swoop down and slice the nape of the 7 titans ending them for good," I suggest. Armin nods.

"Ok then, 7 people have to end the titans at the exact same time."

"If we give this our all, we might just pull this off," Marco says supportingly, his face full of hope. To be fair, Marco's face is always full of hope. Jean opens the latch of the life gate. Those remaining of my friends and fellow new recruits pile into the lift. I squeeze Armin's shoulder supportingly before going to position myself at the top. Being the only one with a lot of gas left in my ODM courtesy of whoever's blood this is, I plan to be a 'watchtower' and prevent any of the titans grabbing people before the opportune moment.

The lift slowly starts it's descent into a funny sort of hell. I can sense the fear in the air as the soldiers below clutch their riffles to their chest. The large number of people in itself manages to get the immediate attention of the 7 titans. They saunter over and peer across at us. "Wait!" Someone orders. I can feel the lift sway as all the people below stiffen with fear. "Wait." I can tell some of them are beginning to shake so badly that they might accidentally let off a shot.

"The Eyes...now...FIRE!!!" Jean and Armin scream as seven blurs jump past me, blades high.

"Did we do it?" Reiner asks as his titan slumps to the ground. I look at Sasha and Connie. Their titans aren't slumping. They missed. Annie, Mikasa and I swing around, blades high as well. Annie slices Connie's titan, as Mikasa and I slice Sasha's. Our blades make two deep cuts, barely an inch apart. Mikasa nods at me before she goes and hugs Sasha. I think Sasha's had enough emotional turmoil for one day. But then, haven't we all.

...

I'd found a new ODM gear in one of the cupboards and changed from the bloody one. RIP to whoever that belonged to. I put some new blades in their sections and refill the gas tanks. Sasha comes over to me and leans against me. Connie comes over and leans against Sasha in our usual sleeping-standing up-positions. It feels like nothing and at the same time, everything has changed from our training days. It was only less than a month ago that Sadies was creepily assessing us from the trees.

We shuffle to the window and look down. The abnormal has almost finished killing all of the other titans. Along with the last titan, the abnormal collapses releasing a fog of steam. Someone screams from behind me as we see someone emerge from the titan. Is that... Eren?

Mikasa zooms past me and towards Eren. Upon reaching him, she cradles him in her arms. "His arm. His arm. His arm?" Armin mutters as he ODMs past me too.

"Eren Yeager is the abnormal titan!?" Jean asks the air. No one answers him though. We're all too shocked to think. Yes, I have amazing reflexes. Yes, Mikasa is an overall badass. But, Eren? Who would have known?

***small-time skip to the mission bc Commander Kitts annoys me* Y/N's POV**

Only Eren, Mikasa, and three elites had been allowed to go directly to the breach where there was a large enough boulder to seal it. The rest of us either stayed at the Wall with Commander Pyxis or went to the middle ground to control the titans whilst Eren moved the boulder. I naturally decide the middle ground. I am thankfully near Jean, Connie and Annie in the formation. I nod at Jean. I think he's still in shock from finding out that Eren was the abnormal titan. I wait, leaning against some random wall. I see a blinking flash of black, yellow and green lightning. I hear Eren-titan scream. I scoff remembering how I thought he was called Erin. It seems strange how the days have passed by so quickly since those early training days. I suddenly come to the realisation that those training years will probably be the happiest years of my life. Within the next five years, most of my friends will die, I probably included.

"Do you think he'll be able to do it?" Jean swings over.

"I don't want to think about what will happen if he fails. So, yes?"

"Your confidence is showing." Jean snarkily responds. "Sorry, I'm just anxious and frustrated."

"You don't have to be ashamed Jean. It's like what Marco used to tell you in training. You feel the exact same as the rest of us and yet you still fight. That's what makes you a great leader. Eren is just too full of anger to feel serious fear. But you do. You have nothing to worry about Jean. Soon we'll be back with Marco, Sasha and Connie in time for the decision ceremony. You and Marco will be safe inside Sina by next week."

Jean looks at me, hope is slowly allowing him to control his fear. "Are you not joining the MPs?"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did, having a safe life behind walls whilst those who are unable to fight get eaten, its a waste of my training. But I'll always respect you Jean: wanting to stay alive doesn't make you a selfish maniac. You don't want to be Erwin's fodder which is completely understandable even if Eren is completely oblivious to it. I, however, trust myself enough to not die outside the walls." Huh, well that's a lie. I'm not exactly Mikasa, she's probably going to be the last one of us to die.

Suddenly a flash of red-smoke shoots up. The mission failed? But how? I hear a thump next to me. Hanji mimics for me to follow them. I nod goodbye at Jean. He'll be ok. Annie's just up the street. I swing on my ODM in pursuit of Hanji. I see them on the flat roof of a Wall-Church building with Captain Levi.

Hanji instantly begins talking to me, "I heard what Pyxis said about you and Armin Arlet creating the plan to re-take HQ and save the lives of all your fellow recruits." I nod, letting Hanji know it was true. They squeal in excitement and instantly begin telling me how they've requested two titans for scientific purposes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Captain Levi staring at me, his eyes revealing the only emotion from his entire graceful assassin type body; that emotion being slight awe. Wait. Did I just describe Captain Levi as a graceful assassin? What is happening to me? I lowkey kind of want him to murder me dramatically with my heirloom knife though.

I focus on Hanji's voice to stop thinking about Captain Levi. Moblit touches my shoulder and beckons to Hanji to talk to him for a bit. Since when was Moblit standing there. I groan. Now I have three options 1. make embarrassing small talk to the person I just imagined killing me. 2. Stand in silence. 3. Runaway and find Jean, Connie and Annie.

Unfortunately, I see Levi beginning to run towards me. Why is he running? His blades are held up. Why is he pointing his blades at me? I see a wave of similar anger in his eyes to Annie. Why is he angry? I feel by body respond, naturally clicking into the sense of calm I get before my slow-mo reflexes take over.

I look at Hanji and Moblit. Their mouths move slowly. I look back at Levi, who's speed has only increased. Wow, if he moves that quickly when the rest of the world is moving at half-speed then I'd probably be dead I was moving at normal speed. How is he that fast? It's not humanly possible. Why is he running at me? If he wanted to kill me he would have done so at the wall, so why is he doing this?

I decide to not move until the last minute - let him think he has the upper ground for as long as possible. I can manipulate that. I decide to do an 'Annie' and when his blades reach an inch from my nose, I pivot on my back foot and hit the back of his knees causing them to buckle. However, instead of collapsing on his back, Levi does some sort of aerobic tumble (yes in his ODM) and ends up on his feet again, naturally in a fighting stance. Bruh, even Annie didn't do that. Moblit has finally caught on to what's happening, but Hanji is still babbling away, which is hilarious in slow-mo.

Levi accelerates towards me and I decide another evasion tactic is best. I begin to sprint towards him to meet him in the middle, but once again at the last minute, I dodge his attack by jumping into the air. Thank Maria for my long legs. Wait. I feel a handclasp around my ankle. I begin to fall forwards, chin first. I twist my foot, not to wrench it away, that would be pointless, but to use it as a hook to bring Levi down with me. Why did I sprint and jump, my whole physical persona is that I do long-distance activities. I twist my body and brace my back for impact.

Thump. Thump.

Two bodies hit the floor, panting, sweating, living.

I stare up into the grey-blue eyes of Captain Levi. Of course, he just to happened to fall directly on me. Couldn't he use his skills as a titan slayer to, I don't know, move half a foot to the left or right? He stares down at me panting. One arm is stretched out by my neck supporting his body. The other is by my armpit. I feel his surprising cold, long fingers brush against my nape where my scar is.

"Nice scar." He whispers before standing up. I look up at him again, but he's already re-adjusting his ODM gear to getaway. I feel my neck heating up, flustered by the touch of his fingers. His touch. How did he know about my scar?

"Did you just manage to bring down THE Captain LEVI with you?" Hanji squeals again as they reach out a hand to help me up. They're not aware of our last interaction though. Thank Maria. "Just wait until Erwin hears. Just you wait Y/N." They continue full of energy.

**Levi's Pov**

What was I thinking? "Nice scar". I scoff to myself as I swing on my ODM. Now she probably thinks I'm a creep. I had attacked her to see if she would react using her strange reflexes and sure enough, she had. The first time that she evaded my attack completely caught me by surprise. I liked it. Titans are predictable, she managed to momentarily outsmart me.

And when she jumped? I had no idea she could jump that high? It was like large magnificent invisible wings had suddenly sprouted from her back. She's fucking ethereal.

Naturally, I had to fall on her. That surprised me greatly. Couldn't she have fallen half a foot to the left or right? I'd stared into her eyes, for once I couldn't detect any emotion in them. I remember the touch of her hot skin under my fingers. I want to touch more of her than her neck.

_'Why did you attack her?'_ A small voice in my brain says.  
"I wanted to test her." I half-heartedly reply to myself.  
 _"That's only part of the reason Levi, and you know it."_  
"It's not like I show people that I care by pushing them away and fighting them, so they'll leave and I won't have to see them die." I sarcastically think  
 _"I should go to therapy"_.


	8. Eren's Tribunal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji and Eren  
> Eren's tribunal  
> News about Marco's death  
> Levi beating up Eren

**Y/N'S POV. Warning violence**

Hanji had dragged me down to some strange dungeon with another important (I assume) scout called Mike who had sniffed me when we met. It was very strange. I look around the dark stone corridor. What kind of torture chamber do the MPs have down here? Maria! Mike opens another door leading into an even darker, candlelit corridor full of prison cells.

"Yeager." He whispers to me. They're keeping Eren down in this mouldy, rat ridden dungeon? What the hell is wrong with those MPs?

Hanji in a flash throws herself at one of the cells and clutches the bars like a maniac, so like normal. They peer through. Poor Eren. He has no idea how to deal with Hanji's dramatics. Hanji stares at him with a look that's probably scarier than Angry-Annie and Sadies put together. I hear Eren jerk backwards, his shackles clanging. They've put shakes on him?

Hanji suddenly bombards him with a torrent of questions and then. "Here's your chance to finally get out... one thing." Mike stares at Hanji. I wave at Eren from behind them. "You'll have to put these on for me, ok?" Hanji chucks some handcuff at him. Two of the MP guards drag Eren out of the cell.

"Listen to me, the scouts are gonna try and get you from the MPs, but it's not looking good," I whisper into Eren's ear before one of the MP guards taps my shoulder. Eren nods as we continue walking down the dark corridor.

"If you don't remember, my name is Zoe Hanji. I'm a section commander for the scouts. This is a fellow Commander Mike Zaccarius". **(I'm too tired to find out how to spell his name.)**

Mike begins to sniff Eren as he had with me. Apparently, he laughs through his nose. We arrive at some large double doors. "Ahhh, pooh, I've just been prattling on with the small talk, and now we're here. I'm sure it's fine. It's probably better if I shut up now anyways." The MPs push past me and grab Eren. I smile weakly as Mike leads me to another door. Hanji over-dramatically slams the doors shut on Eren.

I open the door in front of me and find myself in some wort of large witness box. I notice Mikasa and Armin and go and sit by them. I look down from the box in the courthouse. Someone has chained poor Eren to some sort of metal pole. Eren notices us in the stand but before we can acknowledge him, the door slams open and someone sits down at the judge's place.

"There's something you should know," Mikasa whispers to me. I look at her.  
"Marco... he didn't make it."

I stare at her in shock. "Marco? No." I knew that when I joined the military that I would eventually lose someone close to me, but not this soon. It shouldn't be this soon. He hadn't even joined the MPs yet. Marco... Why him? Why Marco?

"Let us begin." The Commander/judge says diverting my attention. Cor, he sounds a little müde. **(tired. Ps. I've figured out how to get umlauts now w/out having to copy and paste them every single time!!!!!)** "Thus I will decide, whether you live or die." The Supreme Commander doesn't speak with the dramatics that Hanji would have said that. No, he's straight to the point. I both admire and hate that. These next minutes will decide the fate of our resident hot-head.

Eren may not be my best friend in the world, but you don't casually go through military training together and not end up being able to trust your life in their hands. After all, Eren saved us all from death at the supply HQ. Yes, Armin and I did the planning. But it was Eren-titan that saved us. He's my friend regardless of shape or form and I will help to save him today and always.

"We risk the widespread of extreme civil unrest..." The Commander says. "A choice must be made and the regiment that takes custody of you will determine your fate."

I look around from where I'm sat. Mikasa and Armin are too involved and in shock, for me to even try to their attention. I know that Erwin has a larger master plan than just taking back Wall Maria. Wall Maria is just the first step and is also the 'bait' under which the MPs will let the scouts have Eren. I notice Captain Levi standing next to the over 6 ft, Commander Erwin which under any other circumstance would be the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.

"Squealing louder won't help your case, Pig." Levi starts. I've suddenly got mad respect for our short king, even though he tried to attack me before. "While we're upgrading our defences, do you think the titans are just sitting around playing cards? And when you say 'we can't afford' do you speak for anyone other than your fat merchant friends?"

Captain Levi is a savage badass.

Some wall-church dude begins chanting miles upon miles of religious language. Something about miracles, transcendence and human comprehension? "I don't trust them at all." I hear an elite scout say next to me. The Wall-church dude and the merchants have begun to argue amongst themselves whilst our side is sat frustrated out of our wits.

The Commander/judge bangs the table. "Order!" He says glaring at the Wall-church and the merchants. "He turns to Mikasa. Is it true that Eren assaulted you before sealing the wall?"

"Answer him truly, Eren's life depends on it." The elite scout whispers.

"Yes, that is all true," Mikasa answers looking down. Eren just stares at her in shock. I don't think he knew that. I didn't know it. And unfortunately, that is a horrible bit of evidence for the MPs that just might stop us. "However, he also saved our lives twice before and in each circumstance, he was using his titan ability. Y/N?" Mikasa looks at me to continue.

"I can confirm this Sir," I shout feeling the eyes of everyone in the room on me. I notice the MP's leader whisper 'L/N?' to an older MP behind him. Captain Levi is staring at them, he must have seen it too. I might as well tell him everything at this point. I continue with my defence of Eren. "During the reclaiming of the Supply Depot/HQ at Trost, Eren used his abilities to kill all of the titans whilst we were inside refuelling. Without Eren's abilities, all of the cadets from this year that weren't already dead... would be dead."

"We implore you to take these facts into consideration," Mikasa adds on.

"Objection." The MP's leader screams before unveiling something I'd never expected. Mikasa and Eren? They'd stabbed some kidnappers to death at age 9? I stare at Mikasa in shock and awe. I'm now absolutely terrified of her!

"You-you're all cowards!" Eren screams at the MPs. Everybody has gone quiet.

Levi somehow is standing by Eren. How did he get there so quickly? Levi is raising his knee. Levi is raising his knee? His foot shoots towards Eren and punches him in the face. I see a tooth shoot out of Eren's mouth. Damn, somebody has to tell Levi that fighting is not the same as conversing. Levi kicks Eren in the stomach. And then in the neck. And now in the face.

Mikasa shoots up next to me. I grab her arm and push her back down. "He's showing the pigs that the scouts can control Eren, so that if he ever does turn on us, which Eren won't, but well... you know... the MPs need to know that Levi can end... you get it," I whisper to her suddenly aware of this revelation myself. Armin has by now grabbed her other arm to prevent her from doing anything irrational. Eren has collapsed at Levi's feet, a tiny pool of blood begins to grow under his chin.

"You know, I think personally, that nothing instils discipline better than pAiN." I have no words or brain functions right now. "You don't need a talking to. What you need is to be taught a lesson."

Fuck me.

Wait, what? What am I thinking?

I think that's Captain Levi's quote of the year. I don't know if I still want him to murder me, a titan might be less embarrassing. Levi continues, "And you happen to be in a perfect kicking position." Who hurt Levi that badly in his childhood? Levi kicks him some more. I look at Erwin. His face is blank. If Levi's such a heartless soldier then why did he save me from those titans the day Trost fell?

I both love and hate complex characters.

Erwin's now suggesting that we undertake a mission outside of the Wall Rose. Outside of Rose?! If the mission is a success, then Eren lives. If its a failure, Eren dies. A lot is riding on this mission. Too much. It's too easy for it to go wrong. And then humanity has lost it's best shot of survival since the walls were built.

"Then I have made my choice."

...


	9. Uncle Alcott

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kidnapping  
> Fighting and extreme violence  
> Levi saves the day  
> Then y/n saves Levi using her reflex/slow-mo powers  
> Horrible family reunion

**Y/N'S POV. Warning assault after the 3rd para until 'Levi's POV'. Then violence till the end.**

Eren had been carted off by Mike and Erwin. Hanji waves to me as I leave the witness stand. "GoOdbYE!" They scream. I wave back and go stand outside of the courthouse. Mikasa and Armin had been allowed a five-minute goodbye, so I find myself standing here awkwardly waiting for them. Now the trials over, we get to return to our friends. I cant wait to see my potato-girl again. This is the longest time I've spent without her since I met her. I sit down on the steps and twiddle my thumbs. This is the first time I'd really had to relax since before the Colossal titan. Most of my strained muscles are fine now. Except for my legs. And that is because Hanji moves at intense paces. Everywhere. I feel so sorry for Moblit.

Marco.

He's dead. He can't be. I literally saw him at Trost. He was with Reiner in the formation. Yes, Reiner has always given me the creeps, but he graduated no' 2. He's better than Annie for Maria' sake. Reiner, the ideal soldier. He wouldn't let anyone die. He would have cut Marco from the titan's mouth. And Bertholdt wasn't he there too? Why did Marco have to be the first of us to die? Sweet, sweet Marco.

"Y/N." The voice of the leader of the MP's party sounds from behind me. I stand up and turn to face him. "She looks just like..." He says to the older MP behind him. I just stare at them. The Older one walks up and grabs my hand. He turns it around revealing my wrist. He then touches it and smiles. What the actual FUCK? Does this dude have a hand-kink or something?

"Adrien and Alcott were my best friends." The older one says. My Uncles. Well if he was friends with them, then he probably was pig-like too. "I couldn't believe it when Kenney got them. They were undefeated your Uncles, had some sort of unnatural agility, even in our training days. That's when I realised the true extent of how dangerous Kenney the Ripper was." Brilliant. 'I genuinely care for some sob story of my Uncles' I sarcastically think.

"Well, I guess fishing somehow helped them become nimble," I reply.

"Oh Maria, she has no idea what's gonna happen to her. Poor thing. I thought L/Ns were supposed to be sharp. Must have just been your mother's blood tainting your fathers."

I punch him in the face. No one talks about my mother like that. The Older MP brings a knife out of his jacket. It looks identical to the one I have. "A little family heirloom that I stole from Adrien, he's in no need for it after all." I look into the MP's eyes. Strangely, he has the exact same eye colour as me. He rushes towards me with an agileness I could never have expected from an old man. I feel a cold blade slice across my forehead. I cry out in pain. Blood seeps into my eyes, blinding me. "Say hello to your Father for me." He spits.

I feel hands wrap around me from the behind clutching at my waist. I want to puke. Another hand slaps over my mouth. The person picks me up. They must be strong, I'm not easy to carry due to my height. They carry me into a dark alleyway where there's a wagon. Kidnapping? Hiding my soon to be lifeless body? Bruh, I've had too much going on to be bothered with this right now. Can't I just mourn my friends who died at Trost in peace? The MP puts me down and pushes me to my knees.

"They wanted the titan-boy, and we failed, but a L/N? We might just be spared because of this tall wretch. The Aces had only survived for so long because they agreed to work for the King, otherwise, he has a bounty out for the rest of them." The King's going to try and kill me? My Grandparents? Me? Simply because of our family blood?

"Sir?" the MP behind me says, sounding unsure. 

I suddenly see a flash and the old MP falls to the ground. The hand around my mouth falls away with a cry of pain from the owner.

A cold hand grabs at my chin and lifts my head up as their thumb traces along my jawline. I look into the face of everyone's favourite short, angry Captain.

"You're perfectly capably of taking down those MPs by yourself." Levi snaps angrily. "Why didn't you?"

"Information." I snap back staring directly into his eyes. I did not want information, at all. I'm secretly actually glad that Levi showed up. Of course, I'm not going to tell him this.

**Levi's POV**

"Y/N, I'm gonna kill you." One of the MPs on the floor screams. I kick his face, knocking him out. I pull a handkerchief out of my pocket and begin to wipe at a cut on Y/N's forehead. She winces as I apply pressure. Why am I helping her, it's not like she's dying from that wound? And even if she was dying I still shouldn't be helping her. Lost causes are a waste of energy.

"Close your eyes, I'm going to wipe the blood away from your eyes, the rest you can blink out... What did they want with you?" I ask softly. I haven't spoken to anyone in this way for a long time. It feels strange. I like it. I peer down into her face. Her eyes are still closed and she looks strangely at peace despite the circumstances. She looks like she has complete trust in me to look after her. Why does she trust me? Why am I doing this? If it was anyone else, I would have simply directed them to the nearest bathroom.

"They knew my Uncles." is her reply. By the way, she spat out the word 'Uncles' I can tell they weren't particularly pleasant people. I get on my knees next to her and brush some of her hair away from her face. I wipe away some more blood from her cut and apply some more pressure.

She opens her mouth to continue, "They were MPs. The King's Ace's. They were the King's assassins. If he played them, you know the person would die. The King got them to kill someone... someone important to my father and Commander E..." she stops herself. Commander Erwin? It must be. Commander Eargon works for the MPs, so it couldn't be him. Y/N opens her mouth. "I'm glad that Kenney the Ripper killed them. They deserved it." Her tone has turned bitter which is a horrible juxtaposition from her normal self.

I feel my insides freeze. If she knew who Kenney really was... If she knew that Kenney was the one who raised me until he abandoned me? "Kenney the Ripper is just a pathetic urban legend," I tell her a little too quickly. She stares at me.

"I won't tell my secrets unless you tell me yours." She says firmly before standing up and looking down at me. I think I'm in love with her. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go and find Mikasa and Armin so we can get back to the rest of my friends." Her voice breaks and trails off. I hug her. I'm hugging her? I haven't hugged anyone like this since Hanji accidentally hugged me once after I gave them a hair for an experiment. Y/N rests her head on my shoulder and buries her nose into my collar bone. I feel my stomach flutter.

"They're dead. Marco. Thomas. They hadn't even..." she sobs. I'm guessing these are cadets who died at Trost. I can feel her mouth moving against my shoulder as she cries. I can feel her warmth beneath my fingers as I hug her. I wrap one arm tighter around her waist. I can feel her muscles underneath her jacket. I raise my other hand and place it gently on her head and begin running my fingers through her hair.

I feel a pang of pity in my heart. She's only got more death to go. It's horrible being the last to die, having to watch all your friends go, in the end being all alone. I miss Isobel and Farlan more than anyone could ever expect. Everyone thinks I'm a heartless brute when in reality 'humanities strongest' ironically has a weak heart.

...

**Y/N's POV**

I suddenly become conscious of what I'm doing and break away from Captain Levi's grip. I see a flash of sadness in his eyes. He knows I've only got more and more death to go. I kind of want to hug Captain Levi again now. I cough awkwardly.

"C'mon. I'll walk you back to your friends. He grabs my hand and links our fingers. "Only if you want me to of course." My stomach flutters.

Before I have a chance to reply I see a flash approaching us. The Older MP is back on his feet again. His stolen L/N family knife raised and pointed directly at Levi. Whilst he may be unnaturally speedy, I can make everything go unnaturally slow. I close my eyes and step towards him. I listen to the pounding of his feet on the cobblestone. Left foot. Right foot. I hear his breathing get closer.

'Wait'. I tell myself. Wait for the opportune moment.

I open my eyes. The MP is a metre away from me now. I let my heart slow down into the usual calm state. I feel the world slow down. I watch the MP's movements slow down completely too. This is the slowest I've ever managed to make the world. I step away from Levi and analyse the barely moving MP. I notice the angle he is pointing at. Luckily for me, whilst old age has not affected his agility, it has affected his accuracy.

I bend his outreached arm and turn his wrist so the knife is facing him. I notice his other wrist has a bandage on it. He's clearly getting into a lot of fights for an old man. I pivot as usual on my back foot and stand next to him. I chop at his neck. Hopefully, the speed that will happen in the normal world will be enough to damage his pharynx. As he begins to recoil in response to my hit, I stand in front of him and push him back.

At least I now know what my father would have looked like if he had grown old.

As time returns to normal, the old MP falls to the ground with enough motion for him to not be able to prevent his arm from dropping. Thus his knife was plunged into his chest. I stare over him as he begins to laugh. It's not a condescending laugh. It's the sort you would have after a close friend made a hilarious joke. Levi comes and stands next to me.

"Uncle Alcott," I say reaching down and grabbing his knife, I pull it out of him. "Help!" I scream. I know someone from just around the corner by the front of the courtyard is probably waiting for my Uncle.

Levi's hand wraps around my waist as he initiates his ODM gear. We fly up to the roof of the courthouse. "He's not dead," I tell Levi who is just standing there as if he hadn't seen what just happened. "I know human anatomy well enough to know where to stab to ensure he survives; provided he gets to a hospital on time."

Levi just walks towards me and reaches behind my neck. His hand rests on my jawline. His thumb traces along the angle. He leans toward me.

As he pulls away from the kiss, Levi initiates his ODM gear again.

His hand leaves my face as he is flung backwards off the building.


	10. Sawney and Beane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and y/n discuss Marco's death  
> Hanji experiments on Sawney and Beane  
> Sawney and Beane are murdered  
> Levi and Erwin talk about the King's Aces and Kenney & y/n

**_Y/N’S POV, warning serious conversation about dealing with death at beginning._ **

**_Warning gore - cannibalism - in middle_ **

"The military police tried to kidnap you after Eren's tribunal." Sasha squeals in shock, dropping her potato. I had already explained every little detail to Mikasa and Armin, all about my reflexes, my scar and the fight against my Uncle; excluding the kiss of course. "And THE Captain LEVI came to your rescue."

"Yes. Actually now I think of it, I have no idea how he found me. But he fought off the MPs and then as a nice family reunion present I got to defeat my supposedly dead Uncle." I reply bringing out the two knives from my pocket and laying them on the table. Sasha immediately drops her breakfast and picks them up.

"Whoa." She pulls Adrien's one out of the sheath.

"Can I see your scar as well?" Mikasa asks. "I noticed it was a strange shape." I pull up my hair. Sasha jumps out of the table and peers at it too.

"Your breath..." I giggle. "It tickles." Sasha begins to attempt to get to my armpits to tickle them too.

"No, I won't let you." I somehow pose in one of her and Connie's speciality anti-Sadies positions. I hear the door opening. I can see half of Jean's face behind the closed door. He promptly closes the door again. I drop my position feeling foolish. "I'm going to go and find Jean," I tell Sasha ruffling her head. She nods quickly.

I slip out of the door. Jean is already at the other end of the hallway. "Jean!" I call out. He turns around and stops. I run to catch him up. He looks at me. His eyes are red.

...

"I was the one to find him you know." I see Jean's eyes welling up. "He was my best friend. I never... I never." I pull Jean in for a hug.

"Marco meant the world to all of us Jean."

"He was the only one that I knew I could truly live for. You know. He saw things in me that I never even could have begun to think I had. He always saw the best in me, in what I could become. He always said that I would be a great leader. I guess my outer-ego got slightly inflated by it, but deep down I always knew he was wrong. I'm too selfish Y/N. I only want to join the MPs because I'm a fucking coward. I want a safe life inside the walls whilst the scouts die out there protecting us against titans. Marco... he didn't feel that. He only knew loyalty and happiness and..." Jean breaks away and we begin to walk outside to where Hanji's titans are.

"You are a great leader Jean. And the fact that you don't realise it yet just proves it. I know Eren's suicidal-anger problems get in the way of him seeing it but to the rest of us... "

"I love him, you understand now Y/N... Marco. I selfishly knew that I could live with him safely for the rest of my life within the walls. But... but now he's gone. I hate myself. All I ever did was tease him for his loyalty to the King. All I ever did was tease him about his happy aspirations. He was a truer friend than I could ever be to him. He held me together, Y/N. He made me want to play the game, not for my survival, but for his. For our survival together."

"Then survive. Become the leader that he saw, that I see in you. Being in touch with your human nature and wanting the survival of your friends is what makes you a great leader. Join the scouts with the rest of us. Destroy titans. Survive Jean! Marco wouldn't want you wallowing in a bar for the next 60 years of your life."

We reach the courtyard. I lean down and start my assignments. I begin to hammer some more metal poles into one of the titans. Jean joins me. I hear Hanji in the background babbling to the titans. "Are you in pain? Do you have a name?" They say with their usual over-dramatic tone.

Hanji catches my eye and winks, a look of pure fanatical chaos in their eyes.

"Section-commander, you're too close," Moblit warns them. Hanji just cackles and goes even closer. The titan tries to bite her. Hanji jumps back with a squeal of excitement. Sasha arrives next to me and links our arms. We finish hammering in the rest of the metal poles and go and watch Hanji up close.

**_Warning gore - cannibalism_ **

Hanji has started telling the two titans about some cannibals in a cave. An accurate bed-time story I scoff. Sasha hands me half a potato and we sit down and listen to Hanji. "Last time they called the titans Chicken-tea and Albert." A guard behind me scoffs. I look at Sasha to see if she got the reference, but she is happily munching away. I pass her my half of the potato. I've felt too sick since the Alcott incidence to want to eat anything.

"Steaks cut from hindquarter meat. Leg meat diced and added to a stew." Hanji continues with their story. I'm so glad I didn't eat that potato and Sasha looks rather peaky herself.

"Disgusting." The guards behind me murmur.

"Belly-fat ground into patties and fried. Sausages made from blood-clots and intestinal lining."

Hanji continues. I hear Sasha throw up next to me. I look around and see a couple of the other Garrison guards throwing up as well. "You will be Sauney and you will be Beane." Hanji christens the two titans.

"Bloody hell." The guard behind me says.

"Y/N! Braus! Moblit!" Hanji screams. I nudge Sasha and she wobbly stands up. I help her over to Hanji and Moblit shakes his head at Sasha. "Now... It's time for... SENSORY DEPRIVATION!" Hanji squeals. Moblit motions for some tend canvas to be thrown over the two titans.

Hanji stares at Sasha. "Now, on a scale of 1 - 10, where 1 is 'I need to throw up again' and 10 being

'I feel nothing, I am a psychopath', how did that story make you feel Braus?" Hanji peers at poor Sasha who promptly throws up again.

_**Warning gore - end** _

"I'm never touching meat again... I'm never touching meat until next time I see some," Sasha murmurs.

"Interesting. I have yet another hypothesis..." Hanji walks off. Moblit points me in the direction of the nearest bathroom.

...

"I have come to observe, that titans are less active at night, therefore we may extrapolate from this experiment that titans rely on the sun as a key energy source. Thus proving my hypothesis that we can operate better at night to ensure fewer casualties. The titans also showed extreme subjectivity between them, one becoming inactive after only an hour and the other after 3." Hanji summarises to me. I play with Sasha's hair as she sleeps on my lap.

"The only thing that their bodies metabolise into energy is sunlight as they have no digestive system after a stomach. So, therefore, they must kill humans for sport," I reply feeling rather sick.

"And every titan has a different threshold for sunlight." Hanji finishes summarising our findings. "Do you have to go the day after tomorrow Hanji?" I ask.

"Yes, I am quite eager to begin studying our friend Eren. Of course, Levi will allow it. He knows better than to get in the way of scientific progression. But don't worry, I won't leave tomorrow because simply have to find out if titans experience physical pain like you and me, so I stall stay until I discover an answer to my hypothesis." I sigh at Hanji. Running around all day after them is physically exhausting but worth it. They just grin at me, still clearly full of energy.

I feel my eyes slowly closing and I lean back against the wall. I look at Sasha, my eyes are now half-closed. "Meat," Sasha murmurs. She has a serious problem.

...

I wake up to Moblit shouting at me. "Uhhhh... Moblit?"

"They're dead! The test subjects. Come quick. I've already sent a message to Section-leader Hanji." Moblit runs out of the room.

I shove Sasha probably a little too harsh to wake her up too. "Sasha, come quick. Someone killed

Sawney and Beane."

"A double murder?" She says perking right up. She's a little too excited about this. "It's like a murder-mystery story the elders used to tell me about."

"C'mon. Hanji will be back and Eren soon." I pull Sasha up and we run to the kitchen. I throw Sasha a small loaf of bread before dragging her outside to the courtyard. Sure enough. Two large skeletons lay on the ground, bouts of steam emerging from them.

"SAWNEY! BEANE!" Hanji screams. They fall to their knees. I think Hanji genuinely sees her titans as pets. Not that that surprises me. I find Eren and wave to him. He looks so serious. Sasha drags me towards him.

"They were killed just before dawn apparently." One of the newly arrived scouts says. "Once the guards got here, the bastard cleared out on ODM."

"They must have had a lookout too, to warn them about the guards." The other scout says whilst Hanji continues screaming.

"Let it be, this is a matter for the military police." I hear the familiar voice of Captain Levi say from the other side of Eren. Levi meets my eye before instantly dramatically walking off, pulling his green hood over his face. Is he avoiding me?

I think about the way Levi reached for me. The way his long slender fingers traced my jawline as his hand supported my head. His cool touch against my flustered skin. The way he leaned in. The way he kissed me. The way his lips brushed against mine.

Levi...

I want to scream his name. I want him to kiss me. I want to bury my head into his shoulder, my nose perfectly sinking into the dip by his collarbone. I want to feel his warmth and not just his cold fingers brushing against my skin. I want to feel more of him.

"What is it you think you see?" I hear Commander Erwin bringing me back to reality as he leans over Eren and me. I look at Eren in confusion. "Who do you think the real enemy is here?" Erwin continues before turning around dramatically too and following Levi who is waiting for him.

"What a bundle of joy." Sasha remarks before continuing eating.

...

**_Levi's POV_ **

"Have you ever heard of the King's Aces, Erwin?" I ask him as we walk away from the courtyard. I wasn't planning on mentioning it, but the sight of Y/N made me have a need for answers.

"Huh, no. Why?" The Commander has no idea. What does Y/N know that he doesn't? Who is this important person?

"I heard from a source in the underground that they were the King's Personal assassins. If they were played you would know that the person would die. Kenney supposedly got them in the end, but not before they had a chance to kill someone. Someone who was apparently very important to Y/N's father and a commander somewhere. Someone that we need to find out about."

"Does this have anything to do with the stabbing of Commander Adrien Jr Alcott on the day of the tribunal?"

"I think so."

"It didn't look good in our favour that he was stabbed. Even though we didn't do it. There was a wagon nearby with stuff to do with an underground gang. That managed to legally clear our name, but the top brass in the MPs don't believe us." Erwin says as we walk towards our horses.

Erwin opens his mouth to continue, "I knew young Y/N’S father. He was my squad commander before he died of a heart attack. He knew my father too, always acted as a guardian angel to me after my father died. Commander Y/N had the same strange reflexes as Y/N that's why I was so interested when she saved Moblit."

"Interesting." Did Y/N's uncle kill Erwin's father? Is Erwin's father the important person? What was so important about Erwin's father? Anyways, if Kenney was out to get the King's Aces, then how come one of them survived? I know Kenney, if he was set on killing someone, they would die. That's the only staple of life you can depend on... death.

"Have you asked young Y/N? Or told Hanji? Hanji and Y/N, I've noticed they have a sibling-like friendship. Hanji may be able to help you find out who stabbed Commander Alcott. Anyways Levi, changing the matter, I saw the way your cheeks flushed when you noticed Y/N there just now. I'm just wondering -"

"There's nothing between us! I was just simply wondering if Hanji would kill me if I asked Y/N to join my squad. Apparently, she's figured out how to use her unnatural reflexes and I need someone like her. Plus I think Petra's dying for another woman to talk to. Oluo is getting on her nerves."

"If you say so." Erwin lightly laughs. I'm such a fool. I shouldn't have kissed her. I should have just waited for my feelings to pass. I should have followed my rule per usual. If I fall any further for Y/N? If she dies? I can't risk that.

"Anyways, what was that 'who do you think the real enemy' shit? You're probably scaring the shit out of Eren. We need him to like us so that he does what he's told and doesn't end up with the MPs."


	11. The Decision Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The AoT gang mourn Marco  
> y/n explains to Erwin what happened to his father  
> They all listen to Erwin's speech and plan  
> They all join the scouts except for Annie  
> y/n walks in on Levi training

**_Warning - graphic description of dead bodies being burnt at the beginning. Y/Ns POV_ **

We all stand by the 3 bonfires. Connie is sat on the floor crying. But no one's judging him. He's only showing what the rest of us our feeling. Except for Mikasa of course.

I stare into the fire. Its flames are casting their merciless wrath on the bodies. There were too many to be buried properly and to avoid disease, the corpses were insensitively dumped into 3 large biles and sprayed with oil. Out from the orange abyss cascades darkness and out of the crumbling bones hour-filling sorrow radiates. The dark, ornamental gothic buildings of the courtyard scornfully peer down at the unrecognisable stumps within the flames. None of the soldiers' glory, none of their self-sacrifices survives the flesh-hungry-flames. All they have been reduced to is another body, another day for the Survey Corps, another day that you survive.

I have to do something. I'm going to join the Survey Corps, and with Eren, we might actually stand a chance now. Up above, I hear the crows and ravens calling, weaving their nocturnal laments, exalting the unholy darkness. The once beautiful bodies are now ash, the once beautiful bones are now charred and black from the beautiful, fatal flames that waltz around them. I hear the cackling wind whipping around the flames, shrieking, chanting, screaming.

I notice a skull that has rolled to the edge of the fire. It's almost as if they are trying one last time to escape death, even from beyond the grave. But the sickle is more powerful than any kind of magick or will. Death caused by our death-like-life. I should be one of the bodies right now, maggots breeding in my eyes, worms crawling under my fingernails. life caused by death. I should be burning alongside Marco and the rest of my fellow-cadets who did not make it. But I'm not all because Hanji had summoned me. It's because of Hanji that I survived Trost. But instead of killing titans, I shamefully fought another human - Captain Levi.

The Fall of Maria. The Fall of Trost. The family reunion with Alcott.

I should be dead, so why am I not?

Why do I have to watch death come to all of my friends first? Why do I know I'm going to be the last one alive,? Along in that sense and along at the end. When will death take my hand?

But until that day, I will fight. I will destroy titans. For my friends. For my family. For humanity.

"I'm sorry Marco." I hear Jean whisper. Sasha leans against me. I can feel her shoulders shake as she silently cries. "Dammit! I'm gonna join the scouts! For Marco!" Jean shouts. As his voice breaks slightly, Jean sinks to his knees.

...

We're standing in a large almost empty courtyard. At the other end is a stage - no doubt where Commander Erwin will stand to make his inspirational speech. He seems the sort that would be able to.

"I'm so hungry, why doesn't the ceremony take place till dust." Connie whines.

"For the DRamAtIcs." Sasha replies, there's a slightly bitter tone to her voice. I don't blame her. She's not a suicidal maniac like Eren or one of Eren's followers. She was in the top ten and right now she's having to choose if she wants a safe like with the MPs but deny her fighting spirit and nature, or join the scouts and be dead by the time she's 30. I want to hug her and let her sleep on my shoulder like the training days, but this decision she has to make by herself.

"I'm going to the toilet," I say.

"I'll come too." Mikasa joins me. This is the first time I've really had to talk to Mikasa since the Alcott incidence. We walk out of the courtyard in silence, neither of us wanting to start the conversation.

"Scouts?" Mikasa speaks first.

"Yes, you?'

"Obviously."

"I'm terrified, Mikasa."

"I am too. Terrified that Ereh will die... if you tell anyone I'll murder you." Mikasa adds on. I laugh lightly we know Mikasa. "Not wanting to die doesn't make you a coward Y/N. Its how you go about surviving that determines that." Mikasa tells me her red scarf moves around her neck. "Being a scout may actually be safer for you than joining the MPs anyways. What with the King and your murderous Uncle and his minions after you."

I begin to laugh. For some reason that is the funniest thing ever. "I'm anxious, my sense of humour is broken." I manage to say to Mikasa in-between snorts of laughter. She smiles which is a rare sight and lets out a small, horrible sounding cackle. I stop in my tracks.

"I haven't laughed since I was a young child," Mikasa says sternly, her face dropping to stone again.

"You've forgotten how to laugh?" For some reason that just makes me laugh even harder. I begin crying, tears of joy, confusion and fear streaming down my face.

"Hmmmph..." Mikasa lets out a small, slightly cute sounding giggle. I snort and laugh harder.

"Y/N. Ackerman." I hear someone say behind me. I turn around and face Commander Erwin.

He must be here early to set up. I quickly wipe my tears away and beam at him.

"I have broken Y/N, Sir," Mikasa says causing me to burst out laughing again. "It appears I have forgotten how to laugh." I meet Erwin's eye. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth too.

"Y/N, if I could borrow you for a second." I nod and wave goodbye to Mikasa. I stand next to commander Erwin. It appears I have grown again. 5 ft 10 now. Yippe.

...

 ** _This section is Y/N telling Erwin what happened with her Uncle and his father, so if you want to skip, scroll until the '..._** '

"Have you ever heard of the King's Aces Y/N?"

My face drops in shock. Levi. He must have told Erwin.

"So you do know about them. Has Captain Levi already talked to you about them?"

"On the contrary, Captain Levi and I have not talked since Eren's tribunal." "Hmmm. I was under the impression that something was going on between you." "What?" Did Levi tell Erwin about the kiss?

"Just the way he looks at you. He hasn't looked at anyone like he cares about them in a long time."

"Strange." I'll process that later.

"What do you know about Commander Adrien Jr Alcott then? The one who was stabbed." Erwin says, his voice serious and telling me to get to the point.

"I guess you could say that... A generation ago, there were three brothers, Adrien, Alcott and Alexander. Alexander was quite a bit younger than his brothers so whilst they were off at trainee corps, Alexander went to school. At his school, he was taught by a teacher who had some correct but terrible theories about the King and the Walls. As the years went on the teacher's theories got out. Adrien and Alcott had by now become MPs and terrible people, the King's Aces. The Aces were deployed and the teacher died just before the youngest brother who was now a scout got there to save him. The King sent Kenney the ripper after the Aces, but only one of them died - Adrien.

Somehow Alcott survived and took his brother's name, hiding away in the ranks of the MPs."

I pause and look at Erwin. He seems in shock. I feel sorry for him. I open my mouth to continue.

"Many years later after a tribunal, I find myself getting kidnapped by some MPs, one of them was old but with abnormal agility. Adrien Jr Alcott, named after his brother not his father. I stabbed Commander Alcott who's real name is Alcott Y/N. So only my blood uncle."

"Who was the teacher?"

"That you already know."

"I need to hear it from your mouth Y/N."

"Your father."

.. ** _. if you skipped, now is the point to read again if you want_**

I walk back outside leaving Commander Erwin in shock. I look around the yard - these cadets here had become my friends and family. We'd done everything together for the last 2 years, but now? Given the happenings at Trost, I'd be surprised if I only saw 30 of the 200 ever again. At maximum.

As I walk over, I think about what Erwin had said about Levi. 'Just the way he looks at you. He hasn't looked at anyone like he cares about them in a long time'. I'm so confused with Levi, sometimes we really seem to click, then other times he tries to fight me or ignore me. I suppose I'll never know with him.

...

"Cadets! Fall in!" Someone screams. I walk into rank and watch Commander Erwin walk upon the stage. If he had been affected by my words, he wasn't showing it now.

"Good evening. I am Commander Erwin Smith, leader of the Survey Corps. Humanity has a new chance of victory - Eren Yeager. He has proven his loyalty to our cause and well as offering us a means to discover the truth of his and the titans' origins."

"If he's revealing this info, then who is he trying to target?" I hear Armin murmur under his breath.

I listen to Erwin plod on about a new mission to take back Wall Maria. I could go home? I could go back to Shiganshina? Then Erwin tells us some horrible statistics about the extreme death toll. I guess he is cheerfully cutting to the chase.

"That is all. Those wanting to join other regiments may leave."

I notice Annie immediately walk away. I nod at her. I look at Connie, surprisingly, he's not moving. I guess Jean agreeing with Eren for once shows the sheer importance of a cause. The rest of my friends are staying as well, determination and vengeance taking over their fear. I suddenly reach out and grab Sasha's hand. I'm terrified out of my wits.

I stare into Erwin's eyes, he nods his head at me. I guess he is going to ignore the family relationship between me and the people who killed his father. I mean, after all, I was the one who set up my uncle into stabbing himself.

"You who stayed, welcome to the Scouts. Together we give our hearts." Erwin salutes, raising his fist as we salute back. I look around, only about 20 stayed. I look back up to the podium and notice Hanji, Moblit, Mike in the wings of the stage. I look to the other side and see Levi scowling. 'What a bundle of joy' Sasha would call him.

I notice Christa looking absolutely petrified, I lean over and grab her hand with my other. Ymir then leans over and grabs Christa's hand as well. I'm surprised, I didn't expect Ymir to show any emotion. Then again, it might just be a chance to hold Christa's hand.

As Erwin leaves the podium he motions to Hanji to follow him. Mike shouts at us to go to our quarters. Sasha drags me. "What have we done Y/N? I'm scared."

"It's ok to be scared, Sasha. We all are. Even Mikasa is deep down, she's just really got at hiding it. It's our fear that makes us human and allows us to know our limits. The sublime we will feel next to a titan will only stress this. Like I told Mikasa, wanting to survive doesn't make you a coward. Its how you go about surviving that determines that. We've joined the scouts now Sasha. We're humanities defenders. How many people get the privilege of saying that?"

"What would I do without you Y/N? If it wasn't for you, I would have died at Trost."

"And if it wasn't for you guarding my body until Captain Levi turned up, I would have died at Trost too... we stick together Sasha. Always have, always will. I'll have your back no matter what, no matter where."

"Me, you, Jean and Connie... till the end."

"For our friends who died at Trost," I say.

"For them." She replies as we reach our dormitory. Only 5 out of 6 bed will be filled tonight. Goodbye Annie. I don't blame you for leaving. Trost was too much for everyone. I soon hear snoring from the bunk above. Sasha's already asleep, lucky sod. I look at Christa, Ymir and Mikasa. They seem to be asleep too. Great.

I slip on my uniform and walk outside. In the courtyard, Levi is training. Does he ever sleep? I can't deal with anyone right now. I turn to walk back inside.

Thump.

I turn my head slightly. On the door frame, an inch from my ear is a knife. Brilliant. By the time I turn around Levi is already standing in front of me. He looks tired and furious. He grabs my ODM harness and pushes me against the wall by the door with such force that my knees buckle and bend so that we're now the same height.

"You stupid, stupid brat."


	12. The Decision Ceremony pt 2 (~mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and y/n do some midnight, sexual tension, training  
> Levi breaks y/n's heart (sorta)  
> Hanji and Sasha comfort

**_Warning - light NSFW - seggsual tension and making out at beginning._ **

**_Warning - serious conversation about dealing with deaths at end_ **

"You stupid, stupid brat!" He breathes heavily on me, panting, tired from his workout. I can see the sweat dripping down his forehead.

"Sir?" I ask, my voice suddenly quiet and raspy.

"Why did you go and join the scouts? You could have joined the MPs, you could have been safe, you could have lived a long and happy life, with a family, with all your friends being still alive." He says, his voice breaks as he pants some more. He leans into my face so our noses are about an inch from touching. He raises his right hand and grabs the knife and pulls it out of the wall. Levi lifts his other hand and traces my lips with his thumb, his hand resting under my chin.

He suddenly breaks away and walks off. I stand up straight. Thank Maria, my thighs were beginning to hurt. Wall squats were never my forte. Levi unbuttons his shirt and takes it off. Levi's taken his shirt off? Shit.

  * _Don't look._



_But you want to._

  * _Don't look._



_You're looking._

  * _Fuck_



Levi begins running towards me like he had when we last fought. He accelerates, his muscles flexing. Well, daaaaaammnnnn. Wait. He's not stopping. Oh, not this again. I slow my breathing and feel my heart slow down too. The world clicks into slow-motion. But not Levi. He's still sprinting at a speed that's only a fraction slower than before.

I stare at him trying to predict his attack. It's no use, he's literally running. There's no raising fist or footsteps prepping for kicks. I can't block him because I have no idea what he'll do. I can't avoid him. I can't sidestep, pivot and make his knees buckle because he'll just do the weird acrobatics again. And he'll be more flexible now that he's not wearing his ODM. Shit. I'm fucked.

I close my eyes and feel Levi tackle me to the ground. I feel the warmth radiating off him as he twists around in a flip, holding me into a headlock with his knees. I look up at him from the ground. He's smiling. He's smiling? My man has serious problems. I feel his large thigh muscles squeeze against my neck. Fuck me.

"Having watched your fight with your uncle, I can accurately say that your fighting skills are pathetic." He says.

"Tch." I tap his knees for him to release. He complies and lies down next to me. I try not to squirm as I feel his sweaty warmth hover around us.

"You rely on your opponent's strength and predicting their attack to manipulate it. You do this to hide the fact that you have no fighting skill of your own. You have so much potential but you waste it aiming to buckle peoples legs rather than knocking them out." Captain Levi thinks I have potential? Aaaaaaaaa.

"You were lucky that your uncle in his old age had forgotten how to attack whilst at the same time guard his core. One day, you will meet other people where you can't use their strength against them, people who are so skilled they will not have any weakness in their attack. If you swat at their legs it will only feel like a leaf hitting them. Take now for example. If I was trying to attack you, you would have seen my fists raising and been able to stop them. But I was merely running in your direction. You over complicated things trying to predict my attack. I would not have defended myself if you had attacked back, but you did not. Sometimes you simply have to just fight.

Sometimes you have to trust in your own strength and not the strength of others."

Levi's fingers lace with mine as he pulls me up. He suddenly realises what he did and lets go of my hand, slightly flustered. "I'm gonna try and actually attack you now. Rather than having a full-on military battle planning meeting in your head, just let go and fight me." Levi jogs away and turns to face me again.

As I see him accelerate towards me I let the world click into slow-motion again. He's smiling slightly. Is he enjoying this? Is he enjoying my humiliation? 'Let go Y/N' I whine internally imitating him. Still, I should try. I close my eyes and try to feel how I feel when my heart slows down with the world.

_His abs._

_Shit, Y/N. Clear your mind!_

_But his abs._

I feel myself flying backwards. I open my eyes and stare into the grey-blue ones of Captain Levi. We crash into the ground like we had when we fought at Trost. He peers down at me. One hand is around my neck. The other is by my left shoulder supporting him, "I told you to let go, Y/N." He says. His hand releases from its choke, but rather than letting go completely it moves behind my neck. He leans backwards and sits upon his knees, pulling my upper body up too. We're soon sat on our knees facing each other.

The hand behind my neck traces along my trident scar. He grabs my waist with his other hand. I feel his muscles bulge around me. I let my fingers trace along his abs. In a quick, clumsy movement, Levi draws me closer to him so that our lips are but an inch apart. "Do you want to?"

I kiss him in reply. I feel my fingers trace along his battle scars all over his back. I feel the hand around my neck move and cup my face. I stare into his normally tired-looking face, and whilst the eye-bags are still there, his eyes are bright and full of life. He kisses me this time, pulling my chin up to meet his lips.

I suddenly see his fist flash towards me. What? I feel my body respond, but not into slow-mo but into a defensive block. I then uppercut his chin. Levi flies backwards. Shit. I scramble over to him and peer down. "You let go." He whispers before pulling my head in for a kiss. But he only lets our lips brush and not fully meet. I suddenly feel my body being thrown and twisted in a strange direction.

I hit the ground. Back underneath him again. "But you also let your guard down immediately." Huh? So I'm supposed to let go, but not let go of my guard? Pick a criticism, Levi. I feel his heavy breathing as his chest expands and brushes against mine. "I was going easy on you, so you still have a lot to learn. But the moment you can defeat anyone without your reflexes means that when you do use them, you'll be prepared for anything. But don't let it get to your head. I've lost too many friends who have killed so many titans that they forgot to do the basics and got too close.

Being a scout is not a game, its a war."

I think about what my Grandad said about there being families that the King was scared of. Is Levi from one of these families. Why is he not affected by my slow-mo shit?

"I can't do this." He suddenly says getting up. I scramble up and face him. His hand reaches for my face, but then a cloud passes over his eyes and I see him return to his normal cold self. His hand falls down. "Isobel." He says before grabbing his shirt and running off.

(for the reader - Isobel is Levi's sorta-adopted sister who he raised, with Farlan, after he found them. They join the scouts to avoid getting arrested by the MPs. Isobel and Farlan die bc of an abnormal titan when Levi momentarily leaves them to try and assassinate Erwin before he obv becomes a good scout. Their deaths kinda haunt him forever. In Levi's OVA)

Isobel? Who the fuck is Isobel? Is she his girlfriend? Is she his wife? WTF. Does he love her? Am I some sort of plaything to take his mind of work? Why did he kiss me? Why did I let him? I sit down and pull my knees to my chest. I bury my head in my knees. My lips are still warm, longing for his kiss again. But I can't. My body aches in longing and so do I. I want to feel his strong hands around my waist. I want to feel his hands cup my face. I want him to kiss me again and again and again. But what am I to him? A plaything? Was he kissing me just to train me, just to get me to let my guard down?

I begin to cry as the sky opens and rain falls on me. 'Perfect!' I think sarcastically. Nothing better than pathetic fallacy to rub your humiliation and embarrassment in.

"Y/N?!" I hear Hanji scream. Maria! Why do they have to be here right now? Can't I cry in peace? But I guess I am glad they found me. Hanji runs over. "Y/N, what in Maria, Rose and Sina are you doing?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper before crying even harder. Heartbreak is not something I was expecting when I joined the scouts. Hanji leads me away from the courtyard into the main building. As a section-leader, they have their own bedroom and office. Hanji puts me down on the sofa in their office. I suddenly realise that I'm soaked through. I feel so stupid.

"Here." Hanji passes me a cup of black tea. "I was making tea and I saw you."

I take the cup of tea and hold it not by the handle, but by the rim like I usually do. Hanji just stares at me in surprise. I feel even more foolish all of a sudden.

"Levi holds his teacup like that too." They say in surprise. "Do you mind if I write this down? This is an amazing observation." Hanji stands up and runs to their desk not noticing how hearing Levi's name has just made me cry even more. "Y/N?" "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Stop saying that Y/N." Hanji sits next to me and hugs me fiercely. "Now, tell me if you're comfortable too."

"I will probably never see my family again." I spin a random lie that unfortunately came out as a subconscious truth. 

"You remind me of someone I know. A ruthless titan-slayer. Complete badass, probably more than 50 single kills and 100 assists. But when they first joined the scouts, they joined with their little brother and sister, who both died on their first mission. But they died having lived; having known the love of a family; having seen the world beyond the walls; having laughed, loved, cried together. They did not know loneliness or old age. Whilst the life of a scout is short, it is beautiful. It is free. That is why our symbol is 'die Flügel der Freiheit'. We are free, we transcend, we protect."

I look at Hanji. None of their usual chaotic laughter is in their eyes. They are being serious. I guess they're right. I have felt my family's love; I have laughed with my friends; I will soon see the world beyond the walls. Life is beautiful and death for a scout is a release after a long-horrible war.

"Y/NNNNNN!" Sasha flies into the room, her face perplexed. She's clutching a change of uniform and a blanket. Hanji laughs lightly and winks at me before exiting the room. Sasha comes and sits next to me. I lean my head on her shoulder and instantly begin to drift off.

...

**_Levi's POV_ **

I turn the corner. I need to talk to Hanji. They usually have a cup of tea about now. I march up to their office door and swing it open.

There on the sofa is Y/N, fast asleep on Sasha Braus's lap. Hanji waves from their desk. I promptly close the door.

Shit.


	13. The New HQ (mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The AoT gang reunite with Eren and begin to prepare for the recon mission.  
> y/n and Jean have another serious conversation about Marco's death  
> Levi confesses his feelings but they fight.  
> y/n has a 'wet dream' that turns into a nightmare

**_Y/N's POV Warning NSFW towards the end - she's having a dream about seggsy time before it turns into a nightmare_ **

"Attention!" We're standing in front of the Scout's stables. We finally get our horses. Sasha's already told me that she's gonna call her's Wurst which apparently is the old pre-wall language for sausage. Connie just told her she'll end up with the worst horse then.

I don't think Sasha is going to name her horse after pre-wall sausage after all. Sasha squeals next to me. "What pre-wall word have you found now?" I ask her.

"Baum." She says happily back. I don't think she knows what that means. (tree) "And you?" She asks as I reach out to stroke the nose of my black horse.

"Eichhörnchen." **_(squirrel - a bit of a joke because everyone learning German really struggles to pronounce it at first)_**

"C'mon," Armin calls as we are summoned into the lecture room. Our first mission is a recon outside the walls, with a large complicated battle plan. Armin and I had decided that this first mission was to simply show the top-brass that Eren could help on a mission and for us to have a nice easy first time outside of Rose where the elites would handle the titans.

We were instructed to run supplies and relay signals, which isn't that bad, but I feel like the Commander has ignored our experiences at Trost. We've all already seen titans up close. We're not going to freeze up now. I thought that a little too confidently. Lie to your subconscious until it becomes true. 

...

"Look, guys! It's a full-on fucking Castle." Connie says as we arrive at the new scouts HQ. I demount Eich and help Armin down from his horse too. He's not particularly fond of animals it would seem. Sasha on the other hand has already tried several upside-down riding bow-and-arrow tricks on Baum.

"The Scout's HQ is a fucking castle?!" I breathe out in wonder. What sort of pre-wall, old money is this place?

"Hey Mikasa, Armin!" Eren shouts from behind us. We all turn around. Jean sighs, but I think he's glad to see Eren too.

"Hey, Eren!" Sasha squeals.

"Oh hey, guys. So if all of you are here, did you all join the scouts too? And did Jean, Marco and Annie join the MPs?" Eren asks as Jean looms over him from behind.

"Marco is dead," Jean says quickly. Eren just looks bemused as if Jean is telling some kind of joke. I notice as Eren finally picks up on Jean's body language. "He died alone. There was no one there to see it, or save him."

"Marco's dead," Eren whispers.

"Alright rookies, form Rank. Your uniforms are here."

We all line up as the older scouts hand out the green cloaks and new jackets. I put my cloak on remembering the first time I saw a scout - the time I met Hanji. I remember the way the green cloak seemed to glow from the light reflecting off the shop windows. I remember the way it swayed in the wind around Hanji as if they were some divine protector. Deep down I wanted to be a scout like them. And here I am.

That seemed a lifetime ago. Back when I stole books. Back when I stole food for my family to survive. Back before I knew any of this shit to do with my family. Back before I met Captain Levi. We stand watching the sunset. Eren whispers. "For humanity."

...

"We want the truth, we want to know what we're laying out lives down for," Jean says to Eren. It seems like Jean is just trying to start another fight, but I can sense he is actually being serious. Jean is slowly having some character development, and getting over his and Eren's differences for the good of humanity is the first step. "What we want is a guarantee... make us believe that you're worth dying for... if you can then we're all with you... to the end." I feel like a proud big sister.

Jean then dramatically walks out of the large stone hall. I guess he still has a lot of work to go.

"Please go talk to Jean, Y/N? He's been crying himself to sleep every night for the last week and I don't have the words to comfort him." Connie asks.

"We all loved Marco as a brother, but I think Jean loved him as more than a brother," Reiner adds on. "And our words can't really compare to that... We don't really care about the lack of sleep we get, we're not trying to get him to shut up, we're not moaning about that. We're worried that Jean feels a bit lost now and he needs to know someone is there for him. We would do it, but I feel like you are closer to him."

"We don't want him to become like Eren just to avenge Jean. One suicidal maniac is enough." Bertholdt says. I nod, what they're saying makes sense. I begin to walk outside of the hall in pursuit of Jean. I find him sat outside on the front steps to the castle.

"Jean?" He turns, notices it's me and then looks back at his feet. "Oh, Jean," I whisper sitting down next to him. He rests his head on my shoulder.

"Everyone's a little worried Jean. How much have you slept recently?" I ask. Jean shrugs and holds up 2 fingers. "2 hours?!... Jean that isn't healthy."

"Every... every time I close my eyes... I see his body. His face. His body. Half of it was completely bitten off. It was like someone had taken a blade and sliced it directly down the middle of him.

Except I could see the teeth marks from the titan. Marco. My Marco."

We talk for a bit, reminiscing those training days. I remember what Erwin once said. Our training days may be the best two years of our lives. It's sombre. We' should still be too young and naive of this world to be dealing with this stuff. Most of us are orphans, the rest with some form of severe trauma and we still only have more death to go. It's heartbreaking.

"C'mon. Let's get you back inside." I grab his hand and pull him up with me. I notice Bertholdt coming out of the front door. "Make sure he gets to bed ok." Bertholdt nods and grabs Jean's arm.

Is that what will happen to me if Sasha dies? I go and sit back down on the steps. I shiver.

...

I see a shadow lean over me. I look up into Levi's face. He looks furious. Levi sits down next to me. What is he doing? Hasn't he broken my heart enough? Is he just pushing my pain further in?

"You and horseface huh? Moved on quickly Y/N I have to say."

"Wha.. what? Me and Jean?" I stare into Levi's grey-blue eyes and begin to laugh. "What's it to you anyways Levi? It's not like you want anything between us."

"Tch." He says back. I can feel the fury and resentment flooding off him. I begin to get a little pissed off. A lot pissed off. Who the fuck does he think he is?

"For your information, Jean has just lost his best friend. I, his next best-friend, am being supportive. But you know little of heart-break don't you Captain Levi." I spit out his name in a way where the title becomes an insult. "Since you have a nonchalant, pessimistic view of love." I stand up, absolutely furious now too. I just know I'm going to say something I'll regret later, but right now? I definitely won't.

"I... I like you. I really like you." Is the only stuttering reply. I slap him.

"For someone who is supposed to give their heart to our cause, you do not have one to give. You do not know how to love. You refuse to because you are a fucking coward. You are scared of what will come after I die."

Levi stands up, luckily he is on the step above me so that our heights are the same. "I can't lose you too." His hand reaches for my face. I stupidly let myself let him.

"Death is beautiful, Levi. Death is an old friend of humanity. Death releases us from the shackles of this horrible world. It is not death, but pain you are scared of. Without pain, one cannot know love; for without sadness, then what is happiness? You do not need to worry about losing me Captain Levi, you already have." I pull away from him. His hand drops.

I think I really like him too.

But, I've only gone and blown it. It did feel good though. I fought back against Levi and won. I didn't even need my fists. I didn't need to 'let go'. All I needed was my 'battle strategy' head. Now I can get over him and focus on the expedition. I'm going outside the walls, for goodness sake. I'm not going to let some short, sleep-deprived jack-ass ruin that for me. I will be the bird of the wings of freedom. I am Y/N!

Shit. I forgot to ask him who Isobel was. Damm that was my ace card too. Why did my Uncles have to be called the Aces? I can't ever play cards again. I pull my duvet up around my chest. I lie back and stare at the bunk on top of me. I can hear Sasha's snores from above.

...

_I feel someone grab my arm. I spin and naturally find -_

_I feel his lips brush against mine. I feel his hot breath on my face. I feel his tongue push into my mouth. I feel a tear drop from his left eye onto my cheek. Captain Levi's crying? I've broken Captain Levi. Erwin's gonna be pissed. I feel his hands move around my body, exploring places I'd never known I wanted to be touched before. His movements are rough, passionate and clumsy - a side to Levi that he had never revealed to anyone. Anyone but me._

_I feel his strong hands clutch around my waist as his tongue traces along my jawline. His eyes lock with mine. I can tell he's enjoying this. I am too. His mouth meets mine again and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. We kiss and kiss and kiss. I feel my stomach light on fire along with my skin as his hands feel along my muscles and my curves._

_Levi pushes me against a wall and I go willingly. He stares down at me. That's nice. He's grown. He leans in but as our lips are about to touch he pulls away leaving me frustrated. I reach out and grab his neck pulling him in for the kiss. He pushes against me as our mouths meet. I can feel his muscles beneath his thin clothes flexing. I feel his thighs around mine as he pushes me further into the wall. I feel his dick harden even more as it is pushed against my upper inner thighs._

_I reach down and stroke it on top of his trousers causing him to moan lightly in my ear. I kiss his neck until he moans slightly and then I begin to suck on the area. "Fuck." He moans. I reach up and ruffle his hair. "Don't... don't stop." I reach back down and continue stroking along his growing, hardening length. He kisses me again, his breaths are quick and ragged. His strangely cold fingers trace along my trident scar._

_"Levi." I hear someone call. It's me. "You do not know how to love. You refuse to because you are a fucking coward." Levi breaks down in front of me tears streaming down his face._

_"Levi," I say._

_"I hate you." He says. "I hate everything about you." He smiles, its a wicked, manipulative smile. "You're right I cannot love. And I never want to. You're pathetic Y/N and I feel sorry for the titan that will eat you the moment you step outside the walls. No one will come to rescue you, Y/N. You're pathetic. They all wish that you died instead of Marco, even dear old Sasha. Your Grandparents wish that you died that day Maria fell. It would have been better for the whole world if you had." "Y/N?" I hear Sasha's confused voice say. "Y/N."_

...

I suddenly sit upright banging my head against the bunk above. Sasha, Ymir, Mikasa and Christa are all peering at me in confusion and in worry. I notice that I've sweated through my night-clothes.

"You were screaming Y/N," Sasha says. "You said that you should have died at Maria and that it would be better for everyone if you did."

"What am I doing guys? Joining the bloody scouts. Its a fucking death wish. Having to see those titans again. What if I get knocked out again? What would have happened if Captain Levi hadn't found me at Trost? I'm a liability. I'm always telling Jean that it's ok to be scared but I'm just being a fucking hypocrite."

"Listen here you crying shit." Ymir says. "So what if you die tomorrow. So what if you die next year. Would you rather have not enlisted? Would you have rather lived a boring, mind-controlled, domestic life?"

"Well, no. I want to fight titans. I want to wear the wings of freedom with pride. I want to be part of humanity's defenders."

"Well then. Stop fucking crying. If you want to leave and start a domestic life, no one will judge you. But remember you wouldn't be able to have that life without us scouts. You would never be able to live with your self ever again." Ymir continues. Seriously, my respect for this lady has gone up 1000-fold. Ymir and Mikasa go back to their own beds. Christa hugs me before returning to hers as well.

Sasha sits next to me and holds my cold, sweaty hands. "Is that all you heard?" I whisper.

"That was it, I promise. The only other thing you said was that 'I would have preferred Marco to be alive over you'. Y/N, Marco meant the world to all of us, but his death is not on you. It is not your burden. I would never choose him over you, you are my sister, my best friend." I hug Sasha and begin to feel my eyes drooping.


	14. The Female titan pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The recon mission (57th)  
> The appearance of the female titan  
> Distracting the female titan  
> Getting eaten  
> But surviving bc y not  
> Christa Lenz

**_Y/N's POV_ **

"Long-range formation!" Erwin makes the signal. With his complex and strange map memorised in my head, I ride off to my position. I strangely feel that something is off. This mission must have an ulterior motive. If they just needed to prove Eren can help on recon and to get us new Scouts used to Titan land, then why literally all of the Survey Corps coming with?

"Goodluck," Reiner says as he breaks away from us. I nod goodbye. Who knows, this may be the last time we see each other. His hair bothers me less now that it's grown out a bit. I suppose I was just being an irrational kid whose head was filled with fantasies and imagination.

The land outside Wall Rose is somewhat familiar. Of course, it is this land used to be part of Maria. Maria's lands were best suited and therefore used for livestock whereas Rose's lands are used for agriculture. Having gone from Shiganshina to the bustling crowds of Rose, to the isolated mountains areas for trainee corps, I realise I hadn't been in the proper countryside since I was a child. There's something nostalgic about the blue flowers on the ground and the clouds above. I remember spending hours outside with Ariadne and baby Rory playing in fields of these blue flowers. But my childhood was over before I even realised.

I see a red smoke signal next to me. A titan has been spotted. I hold up my signal and fire to relay the signal. Moments I see a green signal. Reroute. Now the game we have to play is evasion. I wonder what the end goal is.

Wait. Black smoke?

An abnormal.

More black smoke? I thought there were elites and veterans in that direction. Surely they should be able to take care of an abnormal? Hold on, isn't Armin over there? I need to break the formation. Another one of my friends can't die. Not yet. Not ever. Eichhörnchen accelerates into a faster gallop. Armin, I'm coming.

"Armin!" I scream noticing him. The older scouts are nowhere to be seen. I ride up to next to him. "It's showing intelligence. It's another human, like Eren." He says, his voice is weak but certain. I look up and see the titan's foot looming over us. It's going to smash down on as. We're gonna become pulp, squished into the ground like insects.

Crash. The titan stops beside us and peers down. I notice it has horribly familiar, ice-blue eyes. I see its fingers reach for Armin. "Armin, don't move. Let it do what it's doing. If it's like Eren, it'll leave you alone. It might be on our side. It might be another scout." I call out.

"But what if it isn't."

"This mission has a superior secret motive, we'll probably be dead anyway." I look up as the titan pulls back Armin's hood. The titan suddenly let go, stands up and runs away.

"Why did it need to check my face?" Armin asks me.

"Why do titans do what they do since they get their energy from the sun? Some things we won't know."

"Hey!" Reiner screams. I turn, he has another horse. Thank Maria. Eichhörnchen couldn't carry Armin and me for the whole rest of the mission. Reiner, you are Maria sent. I'm sorry I ever thought you were creepy because of your hair. As soon as Armin has mounted, we set off again.

"Nice ass for an abnormal, eh?" Reiner scoffs.

"Well, the titan that nice ass belongs to Reiner, almost pulverised Armin and I. Priorities Reiner. Priorities." I shout at him. Reiner just beams at me, which is quite scary. I don't think I ever want to make him laugh again.

"Anyways, she's like Eren, not an abnormal Reiner." Armin lectures. Armin would make a good teacher.

I suddenly see yellow smoke. "The right-wingers have suffered too many casualties to continue!" Keeping track of all these smoke colours is hard work.

"She's after someone. But who? Why?" Armin asks.

"Eren, duh. I guess she kinda wants to fight it out, ya know. There can only be one titan with a good ass." Reiner says. I stare at Reiner, his gayness is showing. Armin seems too deep in thought to notice or to care.

"Guys!" Jean rides up beside us. I quickly fill him in with what happened with the female titan.

"But Eren's with Squad Levi in the right-wing," Reiner says sounding worried. I wince at the sound of Levi's name. I don't think anyone noticed though.

"My copy had them at front centre, just behind Commander Erwin," I say.

"Mine had them left-back." Jean adds.

"And mine had them front-right which now I realise is strategically stupid." Armin murmurs.

"If the female-titan is going for the command squad to find Eren and Levi Squad then we need to distract her. " I quickly tell the guys.

"But to her, we're just insects. She'll flatten us with just one finger." Armin says.

"What a lovely thought," Jean says sarcastically through his teeth. Jean begins to tell us of a plan to attract her attention. Any more time we can give the Command and Eren means that they might be able to get to somewhere where the female titan can't attack them.

... 

"She runs like Annie." I suddenly think out loud.

"Huh?" Reiner asks.

"Dude, we've spent 2 years training with everyone and you mean to tell me you haven't memorised everyone's combat and tactical styles?" I snarkily reply. Reiner clearly got to no' 2 in the class on pure strength and team-playing and not brains. "If I didn't know that Annie was in Sina having the time of her life right now, I'd say that is her."

Jean laughs lightly. "Next you'll be telling me Armin is the librarian titan."

"And if Reiner had white hair, he would look like the Armoured." I laugh. Reiner looks in shock.

So that what was wrong with his hair. Just some PTSD clouding my stupid judgement of him.

Reiner is a team-player and always has everyone's back there's no way he could be the Armoured. "Don't look so offended Reiner, the Armoured is lowkey the titan I would want to be able to turn into... I mean have you seen the colour combination of the muscle red and the plated gold.

Daaaaammmn."

"Childhood trauma has fucked you up, Y/N. Next, you'll tell me that you think titans are hot, like Hanji." Jean says blankly. I laugh. Then I suddenly realise that if Jean's plan goes to shit, then this might be the last time I laugh with my friends. We ride closer to the female-titan, I notice Armin looking like he's about to piss himself. I stare at Jean, did he just kiss his blades? Wait no, that's the hand that he last touched Marco with. My heart. 

Jean cuts the titan's Achilles. But clearly not deep enough. The Titan doesn't fall, she just turns around and kicks Armin's horse. Armin! I ride over to him and haul him up. Armin and horses clearly don't seem to be a good luck combination. I ride towards Reiner. Armin suddenly starts shouting at Jean, getting the titan's attention. Reiner ODMs towards the titan. Shit, Armin's distracting her.

Crunch.

Her fist closes around Reiner. "Reiner!" I scream. I hand Eichhörnchen's reigns to Armin and ODM towards the titan. I see red squirt from her hand. Her other hand moves to be above her nape. She's covering her nape? In a sudden flash, Reiner cuts free of her fingers and falls towards me. Reiner! It must have been a red smoke signal that burst. I zip in and catch Reiner, his weight knocking out one of my ODM hooks. "We're dead." He whispers to me. I shake my head and re-fire my ODM hook. We swing off her elbow to the ground. I remount Eichhörnchen and we head towards a thicket of trees.

"Look!" Jean calls. "She's in retreat."

"No, you idiot," I scream. "She's not going to retreat. She must have picked up Eren's scent or something weird like that." We arrive at the trees. Eichhörnchen is the only horse left and they can't carry all of us. Jean begins whistling to his horse, which is probably dead. Eichhörnchen can only carry me and someone else. That someone should probably be Armin since he's the smallest and lightest. But I can't leave Jean and Reiner here to die.

We all sit in a slumped circle, knowing the truth. Not all of us are going to make it out. I suddenly hear a crash next to me as a titan reaches for Armin. Since when was that there? I didn't hear it or see it arrive. Armin? I stand up and run. I push Armin out of the way as I feel the titan's hand grasp around me. Damm my reflexes, couldn't I fucking have moved out of the way too. I stare up into the face of the titan.

For someone who's about to get eaten alive, I feel strangely calm.

I look down at my friends as they all stare in shock. Reiner has taken his ODM gear off to repair a hook. Jean is nowhere within sight, probably still whistling and Armin has petrified into a frozen statue. I look back up into the face of the titan.

It rears it's head back and lifts me up. I feel it's fingers release me. I fall into the titan's mouth.

**_Warning - extreme gore. Y/N's POV_ **

I fall into the titan's mouth. I watch the sky grow smaller as the titan closes its jaw.

I don't want to die today.

I fall past the uvula. I must be in the throat now. I feel myself get soaked in titan spit and fluid. And something else. Human blood coats the back of the titan's throat. I feel it covering over me as well. I can smell the coppery smell of death. I reach down and grab one of my ODM blades. I pull it out and shove it into the flesh at the top of the titan's oesophagus. I hang there in pitch black, putrid darkness. I feel the metallic taste of fear in the back of my own throat.

As I swing on my blade I feel the stillness of the titan. Did it not feel any pain from when I stabbed it? Has Armin got his shit together and killed it? Have I made everything slow-motion again? I feel the scarlet blood oozing over me, into my pores, into the crevices of my skin, etching itself permanently into my memory. I feel the red liquid flow into the tiny wrinkles of my uniform. I feel it drip down into my boots. I feel the angry rain cascade over me, seeping into my face, clinging to my hair as if the blood longs for my warmth, wanting to belong to a human again.

I fumble for my other blade and swipe randomly at the titan's flesh in front of me. Hopefully, I can make some damage as I go down. Maybe I can slice the nape from the inside out. I initiate ODM into the nasal cavity of the titan and I pull my blades out of the titan. I hang in the throat of the titan, it's flesh touching my skin in every angle and direction. I begin to cut randomly in front of me; what I hope is the flesh behind the nape.

After what seems like an eternity of chopping I feel a piece of flesh carve away from the wall and fall down into the stomach. I'm lucky that wasn't from above me or I would have been dragged down with it. I had now created a tiny alcove in the titan's oesophagus. 'Pleasant' I sarcastically think. I continue cutting. I must be using my slow-motion powers because how has the titan not reacted in pain. I plunge my blade further in and a tiny hole emerges. Daylight? About time. I've had enough of being inside a titan.

I swipe again and create a thin slit revealing the sky. I push myself through the slit and discover that I had cut through the nape. I want to fucking go home now. I look down as the titan falls to the ground. Is that Christa? I slide down the titan's arm which has horribly easy, what with me being covered with blood and titan saliva.

"She's an angel." I hear Armin whisper.

"A Goddess," Jean adds.

"One day my wife," Reiner says last.

"Huh." I scoff. "everyone knows Ymir and Christa are going to get married. Besides Reiner, aren't you and Bertholdt lowkey gay for each other. " Christa screams. I scream back for absolutely no reason.

She suddenly stops and so do I.

"Whassup Christa," I say weakly before throwing up.

"Y/N?... You're alive... but how?" Jean says.

"Cut my way out from the inside."

"But you literally only just got swallowed. How did you do that in time? I hadn't even put my ODM back on to cut the nape." Reiner says. I just throw up again in response. I sit back on Eichhörnchen who, if horses were human, would probably also be throwing up in response to the smell. I notice green smoke ahead. We're not retreating? Most of the right-wing spotters must be dead by now.


	15. The Female Titan pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the 57th recon mission  
> AoT gang ODM into the forest  
> YN goes to find some answers  
> The capture of the female titan  
> Teasing Levi with YN's death' - gone slightly wrong  
> The escape of the female titan  
> Arriving back home/ to the walls

**_Y/N's POV_ **

"Only the centre-ranks and centre-wagons are to enter the forest. The rest must go around." A messenger scout tells us before he rides off.

"Going sight-seeing are we?" Jean snarkily says. I get where he's coming from though.

"Commander Erwin must have his reasons because this is strange. Too strange." Armin adds. I can imagine the little cogs in his brain turning.

"Maybe he's looking for a nice shady spot to hold a celebratory picnic?" Jean adds. I roll my eyes. Armin is right. This is strange. This must have something to do with a higher-motive. Right before the mission, Hanji asked me to help them redesign the barrel-hook-nets for trapping titans. They wanted to make them easier to move. Are the command squad setting up a titan trap in the middle of the forest for a large scientific experiment? What is the true purpose of this mission?

"No one in their right might would stop here. We'd be sitting ducks." Jean's voice is full of worry.

The messenger scout suddenly appears again.

"All soldiers halt. We're going up. Unsheath and find a perch. If any titans try to enter, swing down and make sure they don't." He ODMs away and we ODM up.

...

"Why didn't we go home when the female titan appeared? Why are we sitting here playing birdhouse? Do they think that no titans are going to arrive in Erwin's special nature reserve? And for goodness sake, Y/N couldn't you not get swallowed and covered in blood?" Jean's neverending list of sarcastic questions continues on. I see Armin ODM by me.

"I should be dead if it wasn't for you Y/N." His voice is quiet and shaky. "And when you were swallowed I just froze up. I had my ODM gear on, I would have easily zipped up and cut the nape, but I couldn't."

"Armin, I -"

"No. I'm such a liability. Everyone keeps on having to save me. First Eren threw me out of a titan's mouth. Now you got eaten instead of me."

"Armin... so what if you're not as strong as Reiner, or as determined as Eren. You are the smartest person I know other than Hanji. You value life and you know how to strategise to get the maximum success with the minimal loss. There have been many times where you saved all of our lives just by being yourself. You are not a liability, you are perhaps more important than Eren.

What's the point of having Eren's titan if we don't know how to utilise it?"

Armin begins to weakly cry. I put my arms around him. "Sorry about the smell. Anyways, the only thing that I have hurt are my memories. Being traumatisedas a child basically means that now I know how to bottle up my fear to deal with later."

"Look guys," Jean sounds worried. I peer down. Whilst Armin and I were having a heart-to-heart, around 30 titans had gathered around the base of the trees and were clawing at the trunks.

...

"I've had enough." I stand up. "I'm going to go and find out what the fuck is happening. If I find Hanji, they'll tell me."

"We'll cover for you, just promise to come straight back and tell us. I want answers too." Jean stares at me, his expression frustrated and curious. I nod and quietly initiate my ODM.

I swing through the trees, avoiding their wagging fingers. The air is soft and full of the scent of ferns and moss. The trees seem to hum a simple tune of merry seed, ancient oaks and wise waters. The sound of the endless cycle of destiny and decay. There is something strange about the way the bronze towers stand. I can't quite understand it. Somewhere deep down inside of me, I begin to feel an uncanny familiarity take over my nerves. I feel like the moss-covered trees are guarding the twisting foliage against the rumbling titan's feet. My eyes continue to scrutinize the path below. The uncanny track seems both full to the brim and devoid of wildlife at the same time. Weeds and grass scatter the path with an intricate design so beautiful, yet so chaotic.

I notice a gigantic flash up ahead. What? Has Eren transformed? Is Erwin trying to kill the female titan with just gunfire? Everyone knows that won't work. Wait. Are those my barrel-hook-trapping things?

They caught the female titan!

Whoa. I guess our little distraction bought just enough time for them to lay the trap. So that was what this was about. How did Erwin know about the female titan though? Or was this just a lure to find the mole who killed Sawney and Beane and the female titan just so happened to be the mole?

Now we get to find out who she is though.

I notice Hanji leaning against a tree on a branch. I swing up and stand next to her. "I can't believe the barrel-trapping hook things actually worked! We do need to find a new name though."

"W-what?" Hanji stares at me in shock. I become increasingly aware of the blood covering me.

"Y-Y-Y/N?"

"Long story."

"Are you injured? Are you hurt? That's a lot of blood Y/N. How are you not dead? Are you dead?

Am I dead? Is this what it feels like to be a ghost?"

"Hanji... Hanji." I place my hand on their shoulder. "I got swallowed but I cut my way out from the titan's throat."

Hanji squeals. "Tell me what was it like. Being swallowed. How did you feel? What do their insides look like. Are they humanoid on the inside too?"

"Hanji stop pestering the scout," Levi says ODMing over. I don't think he recognises me. "You look like you've seen the inside of a titan and survived." He stares at me. Am I really that covered in blood? "I'm surprised you're not dead with that much blood seeping from you."

"I came to relay a message to Squad-leader Hanji, Sir!" I salute. Hanji grins, we're having the time of our lives.

"Ooooh do tell me, Patrice." Why Patrice? I guess I'm momentarily taking Patrice's identity. "The final words of Y/N."

**_Levi's POV_ **

Did he just say the final words of Y/N? "Final words!" I scream, lunging forward and grabbing his cloak. I lift him up. I glare at his bloody face, he seems nervous. How could she have died? Couldn't she have used her reflex skills to avoid a titan?

"Um... sir. These words were for Hanji, Sir!" He says in a heavy Sina accent. I drop the bastard. I shouldn't have let her get to me. I shouldn't have let her destroy the barriers around my heart. I shouldn't have fallen for her. She told me she thought I was a heartless monster and yet my love for her was the only thing keeping me from becoming one. My humanity dies with her.

"Tell me everything that happened. And her last words...Now!" I scowl, my voice is bitter and cold. Hanji raises an eyebrow at Rory.

"The right-wing spotters had been destroyed, Sir. Y/N broke formation remembering that I and Scout Armin Arlett were there. When she got to us, we were almost trampled by the female titan. Y/N and Jean Kirschtein devised a plan to distract the female titan who we figured was chasing Yaeger. The female titan kicked Y/N's horse and she flew into a thicket of trees where there was an unseen titan. The titan swallowed her as we watched, Sir."

I stagger back and falls to my knees. "And her last words?"

"Um, she asked me to give this knife to Squad-leader Hanji in the hope that they would be able to return it to her little sister Aurora." He pulls out the knife Y/N had taken from her Uncle. Then the scout faints. Pathetic.

"I'll kill that titan bitch!" I scream and ODMs down to the female titan. I land on her head. If Erwin didn't want the bitch alive, I'll kill her. Again and again and again. Why did it have to be Y/N? Why did she have to be so loyal to her friends? I should have seen their bonds from the start, the way she gave up her rations to Braus; the way Braus stayed with her at Trost; the way she was always there for Kirschtein during training at HQ.

**_Y/N's POV_ **

"I think we may have taken that too far," I whisper to Hanji as I get up off the floor.

"I knew he had feelings for you Y/N, but damn."

"What?"

"Oh yeah, he's been asking after you since the day you saved Moblit all those years ago. And then at Trost, he saved your life. And at the graduation ceremony, he told me to try and persuade you to join the MPs so you'd be safe inside the walls. But then Erwin was talking to you so I couldn't."

"Hanji did he ever tell you what happened to Commander Alcott after Eren's tribunal?" I ask them. It's probably about time I tell them. "I'll explain everything."

...

I peer over the tree trunk to where Captain Levi is. He's talking to the titan. "No remorse. You enjoy killing, which means we have something in common. Of course, I enjoy killing titans. You're ok with me cutting your limbs off right?" He sounds like a psychopath. Is he actually enjoying verbally tormenting the titan? I suppose it's not my business. Hanji can tell him I'm still alive. I wave to them. "I'm going back to my squad. What's left of it anyway." I ODM off towards Jean and Armin.

"They caught the female titan in the trap!" I scream when I near them. I sit down next to Armin. A horrible shriek erupts from the direction I came from with the voice of 1 million humans crying.

The female titan is calling out, in pain? In joy? In command?

"What the-?" Jean says. I hear rumbling from below. The titans that were trying to climb the trees have all dropped back down, ignoring us. They begin to spring as if their life depended on it towards the female titan. Is she summoning them to her?

I see Mikasa ODM off from a tree leaving... Sasha? I ODM up to her, she's sat down shaking. I hug her and hold her close to me. She eyes meet mine and widen seeing the dried human blood on my skin. Then she looks back down. "Withdraw." someone calls from above me. I look up and see the blue smoke.

"They must have found out who it is!" Jean shouts. I grab Sasha and pick her up. I ODM down to where I tied up Eichhörnchen.

"The female titan must have been at Trost, how else would they have known Eren was there," Armin says. "The female titan must be one of us. She must be a soldier." We all suddenly see a giant flash of green and yellow light. Eren?

"Is that Eren? Is he transforming to kill off the rest of the titans in the forest?"

"Or it could be the female titan... Levi's plan was just to cut off her limbs. It is entirely possible that she could transform without her limbs, why should Eren's beginner abilities be the base at which we assume her abilities?" Armin says worrying me. He's right. Eren was only supposed to transform when told and if they caught the female titan, then why would he need to.

"Whatever happens, the Levi squad captured her once, they can do it again, if that was, her." Reiner sounds a little too confident to be believable.

"Just focus on getting home now." Sasha clutches around my waist. Her voice is weak. I suddenly get hit by a wave of dizziness. I guess not having enough time to process anything - especially pain - it catching up on me.

"Take the reigns, Sasha," I say. I feel my body slump. The last thing I hear is Sasha screaming.

...

I open my eyes. Hanji's staring down at me, their eyes are red. Have they been crying? They're clutching my hands in their own. Their hair has fallen out of their usual pony-tail. I move my hand. Hanji takes in a sharp breath. "I didn't think you'd ever wake up Y/N." They whisper. "You took quite a lot of damage." I start crying and Hanji lifts up my back and hugs me. I rest my head in their shoulder and begin to cry harder. I slowly lift up my stiff arms and hug them back. My arms are still covered in the blood-spit.

"I just want to go home," I whisper.

"Good to see you alive Officer Patrice." I hear a cold voice behind me. "Hanji wouldn't let go of you when we had to drop the other bodies. With that amount of blood lost it's a miracle you're still alive."

"You fucking idiot Levi," I whisper.

"What did you just say, Officer Patrice? You're lucky Hanji's taken a shine to you or you'd be dead."

I look up and meet his gaze. Can he really not recognise me? Is he just playing along? I look at Hanji who shakes their head. Levi really can't recognise me? Just as I'm about to tell him the truth,

I see the gates above me. We're safe. We're back home.


	16. Home (mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *cough* play opening of 'Careless Whisper' by George Michael *cough* 
> 
> You can infer enough from that

**_Warning - NSFW (i think that's what you're supposed to say) at the end of the chapter. = seggsual scene_ **

**_Y/N's POV_ **

"And you're sure Arlert? Y/N?"

"Absolutely Sir," I say. "Annie Leonhart is the female titan." After arriving back at HQ and showering, I'd quickly sought out Armin and told him my suspicions. There is no way from my viewing of her running and Mikasa's detailed account of the attack that she wasn't Annie. Armin told me how he used to do gear maintenance with Marco and that Annie's gear wasn't the one she presented to the MPs after Sawney and Beane died. Plus there was the large fact that despite clearly being a cold-blooded killer, after drawing back Armin's hood, she did not kill him or make any attempt at me.

"If you're wrong this may be the end of the scouts. This is a very heavy accusation Y/N."

"I know Sir. When given the chance to kill scouts she did not know, the female titan did so in cold blood. But when she could have easily squished Armin and me into a pulp, she did not. She only pulled back Armin's hood and didn't even look in my direction. Since we know she is very, very intelligent she would have chosen to spare us." I argue. Erwin nods.

"Very well, assuming your plan works, which I have every trust it will given the success at Trost,

Y/N and Arlert you would have gained my utmost respect." "Yes Sir, thank you, Sir!" We salute to him.

"Very well, we should go and tell Levi and Eren." Erwin stands up and we all follow him to the grand dining hall. Hanji pulls on my arm.

"Does Levi know that you're still alive?" They whisper to me.

"I honestly don't know. Anyhow, we have more important things to focus on than developing a relationship." I whisper back.

"Heartbreak isn't healthy Y/N. And I'll need you at your best." Hanji softly replies as we reach the hall. The others have already filed in.

**_Levi's POV_ **

My leg keeps on sending sharp shoots of pain up my back. I should have been more careful. I was probably only letting my feelings about Y/N's death cloud my judgement. I need to get over her. Quickly.

"Levi, Eren." Erwin comes into the room followed by all of Y/N's friends. He looks very serious, but Sasha looks too happy for someone who has just lost their best friend. "We've discovered the identity of the female titan."

"What!" Eren cries out at the same time I think 'Officer Patrice'. Who the hell was that scout? Due to the high death rate, any older scouts I quickly got to know the names of - they were the ones who had easily killed titans. Just then Hanji opens the dining hall's door.

Y/N.

She trails in after Hanji looking slightly upset.

Officer Patrice.

Fuck.

She's not dead. That bitch. If I wasn't hopelessly in love with her, I'd kill her myself. And Hanji? They played me for a fool which it turns out I am. Blood disguising someone's face and simple words should not have clouded my judgement. I should have known her face.

"Let's move to my office," Erwin half-heartedly orders. "Y/N and Arlert have already come up with a plan." I watch him and the rest turn around and walk out. Hanji says something into Y/N's ear. She nods. Eren runs out after Mikasa as Y/N holds the door open for him. Now it's just her and I standing in this cold dusty room.

"Titan insides are more bloody tha-" She says as I run and grab the back of her neck pushing her face towards me. Curse my height. Her lips are slightly open from speaking. I ram my tongue into her mouth as our lips meet. I feel the pain from standing flow all around my leg like a wildfire out of control. It's worth it though.

"You bitch. I thought you were dead." I say as I pull back, the pain becoming too much for me. I sit back down in a slump. She kneels next to me and cradles my face. I look down into her's. I could stay here forever. I lightly kiss her nose. My fingers trace along the scar on her forehead from when her Uncle cut her.

"I was actually swallowed though. I was trying to save Armin. I managed to lodge one of my blades in the titan's throat and cut my way out."

I move some hair out of her face. "Officer Patrice."

"Anyways, considering the plan to capture the female titan is partly mine and since you are the Captain Levi, we might want to go." She grabs my hand as she speaks pulling me up. "You ok to walk?"

"Just about."

...

**_Time skip to later that night. Y/N's POV. NFSW_ **

I lie on his lap in his office. He's drinking a cup of tea. He looks so peaceful right now and not tired or stressed considering the shit we've just been through.

"Stop staring Y/N, it's creepy." He snarkily says. 'Peaceful' I thought. 'not tired or stressed' I thought. I roll my eyes but find that I can't stop staring up at him. "Y/N." His voice is raised warning me slightly.

"It's not my fault that your head is directly above my face."

"Tch." Levi finishes his tea and places the cup on the table next to us. "I can't believe I really thought you were dead."

"As I said, death is an old friend, but I had unfinished business with life." I close my eyes.

"Why do you always speak like you're giving a philosophical inspirational speech?" I feel Levi's hot breath tickle my nose as he leans over me. I blush as I imagine his eyes tracing along my body, marking out every angle. Levi clears his throat. We sit in silence, the heavy tension could probably easily cut the nape of a titan.

"Because I-". I don't get to finish as his lips close over mine from above. His mouth tastes sweet from his tea. "I guess I hide behind large words as you hide behind your blades." His lips are so warm and rough against mine. His tongue traces along my bottom lip.

"I don't hide." He scoffs. I sit up and move to the other end of the sofa. I bring my knees to my chest. "Who's hiding now?" I flip my middle finger at him. He leans forwards, catches it and sucks. I look up and meet his gaze. He seems angry, but also frustrated. I notice for the first time that he has strangely long eyelashes. Levi pushes my knees down and then grabs my shirt by the collar. He pulls me backwards so that I'm lying on top of him in between his legs.

He winces as my body weight puts pressure on his injured thigh. I look up at him. He pants slightly before leaning up and kissing me. His hands wrap around my back and suddenly like he did when we trained/fought he flips me over so that I'm on my back and he's on top. "Levi, your leg," I whisper.

"Fuck my leg. I'll manage it."

"Levi, I-" his tongue pushes into my mouth. His strong hands reach under my shirt and clutch at my bare waist and then at my back. He caresses my waist, the feeling of bare skin on skin is driving me mad and he knows it. Levi looks up and locks his eyes with mine as he begins to kiss my neck. I state into his eyes, the normal pessimistic stare has been replaced with an animalistic, passionate fire.

"I can't fucking lose you again." He says, his voice is heavy, his breaths are short. My hands trace along his back muscles and then along his arm muscles. I get that he's humanity's 'strongest warrior' and all but Maria, he's fucking muscular. Levi pushes his thighs against mine and sucks on a tender spot on my neck. Somehow he just knows where to kiss. He moans into my neck. In pleasure? In pain? In both?

I sit up and push him off. "Levi your leg." He stares at me like a wounded animal. I see a strange sort of betrayal in his eyes. He grabs one of my hands and places it on the inside of his thigh. I feel the twitching warmth radiating from it. Levi then cups my face in his hands.

"I want you to."

"If you're in pain Levi, I won't. I won't take advantage of you."

"The only pain I'm feeling is separation from you."

"Levi?"

"Just fuck me already." He sounds desperate. Too desperate.

I push him back so I'm sat on top of his torso. I lean down and kiss his neck softly until he moans slightly. I begin to suck. My tongue lightly twirls in a circle on the forming hickey. His grey-blue eyes are full of tears. I guess my near-death experience is affecting him more than it is me.

My hand on his thigh moves closer in and I begin to stroke. "Y/N, you're fucking ethereal." He moans lightly. I look into his eyes, he seems positively drunk. I reach up and ruffle his hair. "Don't... don't stop." I bring my arm back down and continue stroking along his growing, hardening length. He kisses me again, his breaths are quick and ragged. His strangely cold fingers trace along my trident scar.

I lean down. What the fuck am I doing? Due to his injury, Levi's not wearing his ODM harness and thank Maria. There's no way I would be able to undo that in a sexual way. I undo his belt and pull down his trousers and boxers. I meet his gaze as I lower my head and lick the precum on his tip. If I didn't want this too, I would definitely puke.

I swirl my tongue around his definitely still hardening tip. I trace my tongue along his shaft. When I get back to the tip, I suck. Levi moans in pleasure and grabs my head by my hair. He forces himself into my mouth. His hips twitch as I begin to suck using my hands to stroke the parts that don't fit. I can feel him swell under my tongue.

His eyelids flutter as he releases into my mouth, groaning. His hand lets go of my hair. I lean up and kiss him on the lips.

"Get some fucking sleep, Sir." I slip out of his office and into the hall outside. What the fuck have I done? I'm supposed to be focusing on capturing the female titan and taking back Wall Maria than giving my superior head and falling in love with his toxic, cold-hearted, killing obsessed psychopathic ass.

I hear Levi's office door open. I look down and he kisses me on the lips. His thumb traces along my cheekbones. I break off. "Levi?".

"When the world has calmed down and I've captured that bitch, I'm going to train you. Like that night... watch out for Hanji, they're usually still up at this hour too." With that, he hobbles back inside his office and slams the door in my face.


	17. Annie Leonhart (psychologically ~mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting up the trap to get Annie (the female titan)  
> Confronting Annie  
> Fighting Annie  
> Eren vs Annie  
> Annie's defeat
> 
> PTSD nightmare

**_Y/N's POV. Warning violence and death for the first half. Serious themes of PTSD and_ **

**_Trauma for the second half (in italics)_ **

"Annie," Armin calls out. After sharing suspicions Armin and I had come up with a plan to see if

Annie really is the female titan. The first step was to manipulate her into thinking she is helping Eren escape the MPs. The second step is to lead her to an entrance to the underground where she won't be able to transform easily. If she transforms before, a wave of the best scouts is hiding away around every corner in Sina.

Annie enters the alleyway and faces us.

"So you're a fully-fledged MP now eh?" Armin says.

"Armin? Y/N?" We nod. "What's this about then?"

"We need time to gather evidence so that the court won't kill Eren," I say. "We need your help breaking him out so we can hide him, just for another week or two."

"So what is this evidence? Does it even exist?" Annie says. Armin looks at me.

"I haven't figured it out yet, but when the female titan got eaten, a scout thought they saw the person inside escape."

"Female titan? I thought titans were genderless." Annie replies. She is either innocent or so guilty she looks innocent.

"Yeah, that's what this is really about. You really think the high court would want a hearing if the mission was just as bad as usual. They'd just send MPs down to meet us if they instantly wanted to kill Eren. No, they need information first." I say.

"Sorry guys, I'm going to have to decline. But my lips are sealed." Annie turns away. "But why me? Do I look like a good person?"

"A 'good' person?" Armin asks. "What is good, what is bad? Who decides where to draw the line? Who decides that those labels are important? Good just applies to people who are subjectively convenient to our needs at the moment. If you help us, then you would become a good person in my eyes."

"Alright," Annie says.

...

I perch behind a building. Armin, Mikasa, Eren and Annie have reached the steps down to the

Underground. They begin to head down but Annie is refusing to move. She's standing at the top.

"Annie, what were you doing with Marco's ODM gear?" Armin asks. I still can't believe Annie was responsible for Marco's death.

No. She can't have been. The female titan yes, maybe she just recovered his ODM gear if hers was broken. Annie was with me before I left. Then she was with Jean and Connie. She was at the supply depot as well. How could she have killed Marco?

I see the smoke signal. I see the ground team sprint at Annie. I see them grab and bind her. The scouts beside me begin to move. "No! Wait!" I call out. "It's a death wish. One drop of blood and she transforms. With her hardening of skin abilities, she'll be able to kill you before you even get a chance to slice her."

My theory turns out correct, and as Annie transforms, the scouts binding her are blown into the houses. Collisions like that are only fatal.

There she is. Annie Leonhart. The female titan.

She bends down almost the rubble and shoves her hand down the tunnel to the underground. She must be trying to reach Eren and co. Hopefully, Mikasa has dragged Eren far enough for them to be out of reach. Plan B must happen. Eren must fight Annie.

I watch her as she presses her foot into the ground. There was a squad right around there. Well, they're dead. I hope Mikasa hadn't dragged Eren far enough for them to have reached the Squad. I peer over the edge of the roof again. It's time for me to return to the rest of my friends. Eren can handle her. And if not, Mikasa can.

Crash.

What the - ? I ODM back down to Armin. Annie must have caused the tunnel to collapse on top of Eren. Armin struggles pulling back the large boulders. "Armin?" Jean lands next to me.

Guys help." Armin sounds weak. He turns around and attempts to lift a boulder that's clearly too large for him.

"Why couldn't Eren just transform?" Jean asks, leaning down and easily pushing the boulder away.

"Something's holding him back from wanting to fight Annie. But we'll worry about that later. Right now we need to get him out."

"Enough with the bullshit Eren!" Jean scouts. Armin stands back shocked. I shake my head at him 'let Jean do what he's doing'. "I told you this day would come, we're all out there dying for you and this is all we can expect from our last best hope. Is this what Marco - ?" I suddenly see a large black boulder enter my vision. I push Jean back and grab Armin. We fly into the air as the boulder lands right where we were stood.

"Eren."

"Leave him, we can't do anything until we can take her." Jean ODMs towards her. He's going to his death.

"To arise above monsters, we have to abandon our humanity," Armin whispers to Eren as I pull him to his feet. "Fight fire with fire. You have to match her heartlessness to win." I seriously hope that's not going to become Armin's life motto. I pull Armin away from Eren, lift him up and initiate ODM to the other side of the street. I put Armin down and fly off in pursuit of Jean. I need to get his stupid ass out of Annie's way or he's a dead man.

"Annie!" Armin screams. Shit, what's he doing. I can't save both him and Jean. Wait. He's buying Eren time. Of course. Eren will begin to heal soon. "I seem to remember you making a wager to kill me. Well here's your chance!" I see Jean fly down as Annie puts her hand to her nape and hardens her skin. Dammit.

"Guys, follow my lead!" Jean says. I swing towards him and hear Armin behind me. We're headed right towards where Hanji has set up the barrel-hook trap. Annie gets caught in the fire and I notice Moblit throw some sort of dagger-mesh-blanket over her. Annie sticks her leg out. She drags it along the floor destroying the barrels.

I see the green-yellow-black lightning erupt across the sky. Eren. That son of a bitch actually did it.

He pulled his shit together. We've come a long way from trainee-corps eh?

"Spit into two teams and go around!" I hear Hanji order. I see Mikasa running on the floor. I grab an ODM briefcase that somehow, conveniently happened to be nearby and swing down.

"Mikasa, quick. Eren's fighting Annie. But if we want to win, we'll need more than his anger issues. Gear up." I drop the case and swing after Hanji. Annie is headed to the nearest flat land smart bitch. She knows our ODM will be useless there. But still, that does mean that the fight will be between her, Eren and Mikasa who will probably find some obscure place to fire her ODM hooks. The fewer scouts killed the better. I look below me, hundred of MPs are quaking, trying to put their ODM gears on. And to think, I could have respected those who chose a coward's life.

"She's headed up the wall!" A scout behind me cries.

"She's trying to escape." Hanji replies.

"Y/N you take one hand. I, the other!" Mikasa screams at me. I nod and we fly towards the wall.

I spin in the air and dramatically cut her fingers off just underneath the hardened skin. My blades easily slash through her flesh. Annie's hand halls down, having obviously lost her grip. Mikasa slashes through her other hand. Annie falls to the ground. If her face wasn't destroyed, I would imagine a scared look on her face.

A blue flash erupts from the ground where Eren's titan is.

I look down and Annie has formed some sort of hardened skin/crystal cocoon around her. She looks like she's sleeping inside. She looks at peace for once, not angry or pissed of by the world, but at peace. You could never have thought just by looking at her that she is a cold-hearted killer who has murdered thousands of my fellow scouts.

Jean has run over to Annie and is now trying to smash the crystal with his blades. With every hit, I see a chunk of his blades fly off. He screams in frustration. I see Levi place his hand on Jean's shoulder. "That's enough. It's over." I hear him say as I land.

Hanji stands next to me. "What have we done Y/N? If we can't get any answers out of Annie, then what was the point? We're left with nothing but countless dead, ruined lives and more questions. All for what?" Sasha lands next to us. I lean and rest my head on her shoulder.

"It's over eh?" I smile weakly at the absurdity of the whole situation. "Now we get to have the normal life of a scout. Missions outside the walls. Retaking homeland. I bet Erwin will even let us take a weeks holiday." Sasha pokes my ribs in response.

"I'm glad I didn't join the MPs."

"We're only glad because we survived."

"We survived together Y/N."

"Do I hear a hint of sentimentality?" The sharp voice of Ymir sounds.

"Ymir?!" The soft voice of Christa follows.

I scoff as they walk up beside Sasha and I. "Shut up Ymir, you're happy we all survived too."

"I'm not going to deny that," Ymir says, showing emotion towards something that isn't Christa for the first time ever. Sasha stares at Ymir in shock. Ymir raises one eyebrow, a playful smile on the edge of her lips.

... 

**_Warning - PTSD and Trauma. Y/N is having a nightmare._ **

_"Y/N". Annie taunts. We're back in the training grounds of the Trainee Corps. Annie giggles, her face turning a sweet, rose colour. "Look around Y/N." I spin around, my head moving at a strange speed and in different directions. Thousands of corpses are scattered across the floor in various mutations of blood, flesh and bone._

_"Y/N." She says again as she holds up Sasha's body._

_"Sasha!" I scream._

_"Look what you did. Look at what you did to your own best friend. Poor sweet Sasha, devotedly following you around. Poor pathetic Sasha, unable to defend herself without you. Poor loyal_

_Sasha, wanting to follow you to the death. You monster. You titan."_

_I stare down at my hands as I seem to grow. I'm soon standing at 14 metres tall, my skin has fallen away revealing the muscles of the female titan._

_"You monster. You honestly think normal humans can slow time. You freak." I hear the cold voice of Levi scream behind me. "You're pathetic. Your uncle should have killed you. You monster. You're not a bird of freedom, you're a demon. Who in their right mind would become friends with death? It's not natural. The King was right to want to kill you, you don't belong within the walls." "Titan." I hear Christa. I look down and peer at her. "Titan." She begins to chant._

_"You really think I could love a monster like you." Levi taunts._

_"You're a disgusting vile abomination of natural law," Hanji screams. I stare down at them all from my extreme hight._

_"I'm going to kill you, you bitch." Mikasa screams as she ODMs and rolls all over me, her blades easily cutting through my skin._

_Tears well in my eyes. The world seems to break into thousands of shards, each with their own sombre song of agony. I seem to sway, unable to control my body. I rock to-and-fro as my friends and family's screams entrap me. Annie ODMs and hovers in front of my face._

_"This is what it means to be different. The world so quickly turns on you. Do you think I was born cold? Do you think I was born a monster? Because the world does. Just because I'm different. Do you think I had killed someone before my first steps? Do you think I had killed someone before my first words? No one will ever understand you. They will never want to. You are a monster. You are not human. You are a monster."_

...

"Y/N?" I hear Sasha scream.

I open my eyes. Sasha, Ymir and Christa are all staring down at me.

"I have to see her, Annie."


	18. The Underground pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a strange, intuitive dream involving Annie, y/n sets off to find her in the underground with an irrational hope that she'll provide some answers.  
> Levi, Hanji and Sasha go to Annie's crystal to try and find Merrow.  
> Meanwhile, y/n is having a nice family reunion because I'm getting carried away with the spicy family trauma

**_This chapter and probably the next bc I'll write a bit too much is not relevant to the AoT arch but is for LevixY/N’S relationship This chapter is a bit like a one-shot spread over 2 chapters, kinda. It's inaccurate to normal AoT arc but the next chapter is ~spicy~_ **

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

"I have to see her, Annie." I slip on my uniform, ignoring the strange, tear-filled stares from my friends. I grab my ODM from the cupboard. Luckily, I refuelled my gas before dinner. I know Annie is being 'stored' in a deep underground cavern. I grab a lantern, a map of the underground and jump out of the window.

**_Levi's POV_ **

I suddenly see a flash outside my office window. I stand up and open the window. I peer out into the dark night. I can just about make out the shadow of someone running on the grass below. I see that they're putting on their ODM gear. Did they jump out of a window above without ODM? I hear knocking on the door. "Name and business!" I call out.

"Sasha Braus, Christa Lenz and Ymir. Ymir what is your last name?" "Shut up Sasha." I hear someone who I presume is Ymir.

"Well, what is it brats? I have better things to do than gossip." I shout as I walk towards the door.

"Um, Sir. Its Y/N," Potato-girl says.

I fling open the door and stare them coldly in the eyes. "Don't tell me that maniac that just jumped out of the window was Y/N?" I grab my ODM gear and my cloak. "Tell me the fuck what just happened."

"Well... er... um she."

"By all means, take your time."

"She's been having night-terrors since, Marco. She never really talks about her trauma to any of us even though its obvious she has the most. She got swallowed after all. Well, tonight I think she had a really bad one. She was screaming for like 5 minutes and wouldn't wake up. And then she suddenly stopped, said Annie a couple of times. And woke up." Braus says as they follow me up the stairs towards the sleeping quarters.

"And then she grabbed some stuff and said she had to go see Annie. I think she's finally snapped from the pressure of it all."

"But the only way to Annie is through the underground."

"Well, obviously sir," Ymir says sarcastically. I death stare at her.

"Braus get your ODM gear on. Lenz and Ymir wake Section-leader Hanji, tell them to get their

ODM on immediately."

"Sir, yes Sir!" The three brats salute and runoff.

What was she thinking? She never told me anything about night terrors. It's natural for scouts to get trauma, most of us do. I've long blocked any emotions of that sort, but I had her for someone who had long done that too. Why does she suddenly need to see Annie? She's on Annie's patrol next week. Why now? Why in the middle of the night? What is so important that she felt the need to do everything stupid to get there?

"Levi." I see Hanji and Braus around the corner.

"If we go now we'll catch up with her. The nearest entrance is about a mile away." "Bloody Y/N." I hear Hanji mutter.

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

It's extremely dark now. I curse. Why couldn't I have waited for day-time? Still, the cover of night protects me against whoever Sasha has probably woken up to come to find me. I have to be quick. I have to get there before them. Unless... unless I stall until after they get there and realise I haven't arrived. They will probably reach Annie before me; what with them knowing the way. And Annie's crystal isn't easily moved so it's not like I have to be quick getting there.

I change direction and head back towards HQ but at the last moment I swing down into the street below. I'll grab some spare gas canisters and try to walk as much as possible. I run to the nearest supply depot and just in time. Up ahead I see three small black masses swing by. I find I like this darkness covering me. This soft, peaceful, healing dark. I realise I find sunlight bleaching and the dark enhancing - exploration of the soul. I'd love to waltz in this shadowy moonlight rather than play the sunlit facades.

I realise part of what Annie had said is true. This is what it feels like to be different. I'd spent the last couple of years training to destroy titans, but at the same time destroying myself. Levi told me to stop over-thinking everything, but that is exactly what I have to do. I think. I slow down time to observe and manipulate the situation. I am not a titan, but I am not a human. I am Y/N. I am the bird to their wings of freedom. I am also beginning to sound like Jean if he was in this situation.

Shut up Y/N.

I grab some gas canisters, a bag and a dark blue cloak. Must be a personal belonging, I've never seen a uniform like this. I guess those thieving days in my youth prepared me for this. I pull out the map and memorise where the entrance is. I begin to run. Long-distance! Brilliant. I set off at my usual rhythmical pace. I keep to the shadows by the tall walls of the houses. If the scouts are ODMing above they shouldn't see me unless they are looking directly down.

Just before I turn the corner to the underground, I grab the map in case I need to make a quick run. Strangely there are docks within the underground. Alcott. I suddenly think. Wasn't he mixed up in some underground gang shit. He'd be more than happy helping me break into the scouts. And the scouts shouldn't be too pissed, all I want to do is talk to Annie's unanswering crystal. I peer around the corner. No sign of the scouts. I quickly run down to the stairs and find the long tunnel to the Underground. Nowhere to hide here, I'd better ODM using the ceiling to swing. I release a hook and set off.

Just as I'm about to turn the corner to the inside entrance to the Underground I notice the 'wings of freedom' symbol on the back of three scouts. They have their hoods up. I pull mine up too. Just past the scouts are some merchants with the same blue cloaks as me. That's weird.

"C'mon Gully." One of them waves at me. Time to assume someone else's identity. I quickly run to them and hide in amongst their ranks. I peer back at the scouts. Sasha, Hanji, and... Levi. Levi looks pissed and also like he's about to cry. Ha, if only he was capable of that emotion. Maria, Y/N you're turning into a right bitch. I follow them inside to what looks like an abandoned gothic church. The sound of my last name suddenly piques my attention. I look at two of the merchants. One of them is called Arun L/N. I approach him. 

"Hi. I'm F/N L/N."

"You're the bitch that survived Alcott!"

"I- uh. Yeah?" 

"First Kenney, now you. Couldn't you have given him a final blow or something?"

"How did Alcott survive Kenney?"

"My father died twice. Well, actually it was probably a lot more than that to be fair. Everyone thought that he was agile like his brother, but Alcott was just so good at getting where he wanted easily, that it looked like my father was moving too. My father was a healer, by power and nature. But the ironic blood in him meant that his weak spot was, unfortunately, the nape too. Alcott devised that they would get Kenney to 'kill' my father first and then as he healed, Alcott and him would switch places and both would survive. Unfortunately, Kenney shot my father in the neck when he thought he was killing Alcott."

"Whoa."

"I know right. Alcott's pretty fucked up. The only thing we could agree on was the sheer amount of useless bloodshed the scouts have... oh shit. You're a scout aren't you?"

"Yup, but I agree. Too many of my friends have died. And now I need to talk to the bitch that killed one of them because she's the only one with answers. I need your help breaking into the Scout prison below the Underground."

"I'll help you. First, can I give you a trident?" Arun says. Why the fuck does my world seem to revolve around tridents. You are a fisherwoman by blood. But still? This does seem to be a personality trait kinda shit. 

I follow Arun into what is clearly his workshop. He passes me a large trident that is probably barely shorter than me. It's 5 ft 10. He tells me. 5'10"? I must be at 6 ft now. Shit. Arun takes the trident back and suddenly swirls it dramatically over his head like a badass warrior. He then brings it down with so much force that somehow the forked ends retreat into the metal leaving a spear. He wacks it on the ground again and I hear something click. The trident folds down inside itself to a metal stick about 1 metre long. I love my family.

He passes me the trident and mimes to the stack of other metal poles in the corner. I'm so glad I had that night-terror, strange connection to Annie.

**_Levi's POV time skip slightly back_**.

I look to the young scout behind me. There is an admirable determination in their eyes and it is perhaps even slightly frightening. Their trust and loyalty seems even more strong than that of my old Squad. I suppose being subjected to so much, straight out of training, makes them have an unbreakable bond. I'm glad Y/N has Braus for a best-friend. Someone that she can trust when she clearly doesn't trust me.

We reach the opening to the underground and swing down. I haven't been down here since Erwin forced me to join the scouts. The last time I saw this city, Isobel and Farlan were still alive. I won't lose Y/N too. She'll get lost here. She'll get attacked by the gang that Alcott seemed to be part off. We're going to Annie's chamber to get her and then I'm never going to let go. My Y/N. My reckless brat. My bookclub scout with amazing abilities and a strange way of lighting my soul on fire and lighting my skin too. I remember the way she looked up at me that night. I remember the trace of her tongue against me. I long for her touch.

"Levi? Hello?" Hanji peers into my face. "We're here. The lift down." I nod.

...

"What do you mean she isn't here?" I stare at the scout guarding Annie.

"No one has arrived, Sir. Just you guys. I've been here all night."

I run my hands through my hair. Fuck. Where the hell is she?

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

I peer down from the top of the cavern. Arun had left me at the entrance, crying as I gave him Uncle Adrien's knife which I had stolen back from Hanji. I swing in the shadows at the top of the cave. My trident has surprisingly quickly become a familiar weight on my back under the blue cloak. Down belong I notice Levi. He's running his hands through his hair. Should I make a dramatic entrance? Hmmm. Not yet. I haven't talked to Annie yet. Plus if I swoop down whilst the world is in slow-mo, Annie wouldn't be able to hear me speak. This whole personal agenda is becoming kinda pointless.

I watch as Levi, Sasha and Hanji get back into the lift. I wait in the shadows. Hopefully, my position is hidden enough for them to not notice me when the lift reaches my level. The lift reaches the entrance and the Scouts, strangely including the guard, walk out and up to the Underground.

Now's my chance.

I swing down and pull my trident out from my cloak, wacking it on the ground. The metal pole expands into the trident like how Arun had shown me. I kneel in front of Annie as I land. My trident is raised and pointing down towards her face. Is she from one of those families my Grandad talked about? Or just someone sharp like Erwin's father? Is she just another 'bird of freedom' who has raised at the wrong time, in the wrong place, by the wrong people? Has she consciously realised what my family's subconscious is supposed to realise?

I reach out and touch the clear kaleidoscoping skin/crystal. "I know what it means to be different now Annie. I know that all you wanted to be was ordinary. I'm sorry Annie that you didn't have a Mikasa or Armin to guide and defend you to the end. What you did was terrible, you didn't have to become a cold-blooded killer, but I'm sorry that the world turned their back on you."

Annie suddenly stirs and her hand jerks out so that it is touching mine, thin crystal layer is all that is in between us now. I hear some noises above and I retract my trident, before ODMing back onto the roof of the cavern. I watch as the lift comes back down with my friends but without the guard scout. Hanji steps of the lift and instantly zooms towards Annie. "She's moved! Aaaaagh! No.

She's moving back into the position she was before. Noooooo!"

I guess now I should make my dramatic entrance. I swing back down and as I land on one knee I pull out my tridents and expand it. I make some weird swirly moves with it and stand up. I draw back my hood.

The three scouts stare in shock.


	19. The Underground pt2 (mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n has a dramatic reappearance in Annie's cave.  
> The gang (y/n, Levi, Hanji and Sasha) leave Annie's cave.  
> Levi shares a bit of his 'sob life story'.
> 
> Things get very steamy. VERY.

**_Warning - NSFW - seggsual content - middle to end of chapter_ **

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

The three scouts stare in shock.

Dramatic effect achieved. Now I have to play this shit off. "I'm sorry I'm late to the party. I met my long-lost cousin; discovered a secret forge; and re-mastered the art of a trident." I guess growing up in a fishing community helped.

Hanji grabs my trident. Sasha winks at me to let me know that it's ok to talk later. She joins Hanji in squealing and staring at every little mark on the metal. Levi grabs my hand interwinds our fingers. I turn and look at Annie again.

"How did you make her move?"

"I had a dream where I was the female titan." Levi doesn't need all the details.

"Tch... I heard it was more than a dream. I heard there was a lot of screaming." I can't bring myself to meet his gaze. I stare down at my boots.

"I guess that's just how she feels on the inside."

"You're pretty fucked up Bookclub."

"It's a fucked up world. It's called bottling up trauma, a character flaw of your's too I've noticed...

Anyways, why do you call me Bookclub?"

"The first time I met you, outside the recruitment office. You had a book on -" "-The Strategies of the Original Scouts." We say together.

...

I swing past the houses in the underground. Millions of lanterns light up the houses like stars in the sky above. The irony being is that most of the people here have never seen the sky. I look back at Levi, he seems surprisingly on edge. More on edge than usual. He's been down here before, and not just to Annie's chamber. Did he grow up here? Does he know something about the Underground gangs?

"I'm glad you didn't do anything reckless." Sasha swings closer to me so that we are within speaking distance. "Hopefully now that you've confronted Annie, it will help you with coming to terms with Marco's death."

"I just want to know what made Annie into such a cold-blooded killer. Because Eren, with support, was able to kinda control his titan. What made Annie that way? She was a trainee like us, so what happened that meant Eren turned out killing titans and Annie turned out killing humans?"

"Well she's gone to such an extreme to protect her secrets, so we're not going to find out anytime soon. It's not worth trying to figure it out. Somethings are better not known. It won't do well for us to dwell on Annie's past. She's lost now and it's over." Sasha sounds surprisingly serious, which is a sharp juxtaposition to her usual chatter. What she's saying is horrible, but true. I guess it's time I leave Annie and the mystery of Marco's ODM in the past.

"Get down!" Levi screams. Sasha and I twist around and find him and Hanji landing on the dark cobblestone street below. They run into the shadows as we drop down and hide next to them.

"What the-?" I begin to say as Levi smacks his hand over my mouth. I look into his eyes; any emotion has left leaving the cold, bitter, tired gaze from when I first met him.

"We're being followed. They must have noticed us and how many scouts do you casually see wandering around the Underground? We need to split up. Y/N, you're with me. We need to discuss your recklessness." His tone is bitter, angry, disappointed. There was a lot of truth in my dream about Annie, perhaps dream-Levi had some truth in his words. Could Levi really love someone like me? I put all of my friends at risk just to have a stupid, small conversation with a frozen girl inside a skin-crystal-cocoon.

"Are we really being followed?"

Levi won't meet my gaze. He just nods and stares off down the street. Hanji and Sasha had left by now, leaving me in silent dread.

"Listen. Before I became a scout, I lived down here. I made a lot of people angry. Even though this place is riddled with gangs and black-market trades, they have an unwritten code. Everything is done with strict honourable trade, How they get the products and money is another question, but the trade itself is true. I and my adopted siblings Isobel and Farlan were reckless fools who were angry at our cruel world. In order to trade for safety in the Underground, we were told to kill someone. Then I met Erwin. He was more skilled than me back then and is probably smarter than me now. When Isobel and Farlan died because of a titan, well... I no longer need to kill to trade for safety down here."

"It was Erwin, wasn't it? The person you were told to kill."

He suddenly turns and meets my eye. "I'm risking a lot to come down here to find your stupid ass before you got in any trouble."

"You didn't have to, everything turned out fine."

"You stupid, stupid brat." He angrily whispers to me. "Don't you know that I'd follow you anywhere until I drop dead... Why didn't you tell me about the night terrors?"

"I didn't think you'd understand. I thought you would tell me I am pathetic for getting sentimental. Besides, my trauma is not your burden." I defensively whisper back. Curse my arrogance. Why is it so hard for me to just tell him I'm sorry?

"I might seem cold to you, but I've simply had longer to learn how to block out guilt and regret."

I stand up. Levi peers up at me. "C'mon, we can hide out at my cousin's place."

"No one's actually following us, I just wanted to get you along. Plus I figured it's about time I told you part of my sob-life story. I won't be repeating it though." "Only part?" I tease.

"I won't tell my secrets if you don't tell yours." He stands up. "Lead the way, Y/N."

...

I look up at the dome. I wonder why Arun chose his forge to be in an abandoned Church. The building is now but a skeleton of what the building once was. The weak lantern light shines on the floating dust particles and creates mysterious shadows that seem to have been etched permanently onto the stone walls as if they had not moved since the day this place was abandoned.

I lead Levi through the crumbling maze of fallen stones.

"Arun?" I call. No answer. He must be out or something. It's strange that the front door was open. We're finally in what looks like his living room. Thankfully for Mr Clean behind me, it's reasonably tidy.

**_Warning - NSFW_ **

Levi grabs my hand and slumps down on the sofa. I follow and lean against his chest. I can hear his heart slowly thump against his chest. I can feel his chest slowly rise and fall under me. His hands wrap around my waist and he draws me further in adjusting his legs so that I'm between them. He clings to me like we're about to die. I peer, surprisingly, up at him and lift one hand. My fingers trace along his sharp jawline. He smirks. I feel my stomach flutter. There's no way in Maria, I'm ever going to tell this man how he makes me feel.

He lifts me up and turns me around so that my body is facing his. I am now sitting on his lap. I can feel his thigh muscles under me. I wrap my lanky legs behind him and trace my fingers down his shirt. Levi softly turns and lets me down so that I'm lying on my back on the sofa. I feel his cold fingers reach up under my shirt and begin to trace all over my abs. (they're in the military please don't get toxic masculinity from the fact that she has abs)

"What happens if Arun returns?"

"A little bit of extra adrenaline adds some spice don't you think." He teases. Levi slowly starts to undo my ODM harness, maintaining eye contact. I feel myself internally squirm under his gaze. Levi leans forwards and kisses my neck. My body suddenly reacts and I arch my back. I run my fingers through his hair. His tongue begins to play on my skin making my stomach weak. His lips begin to suck at my tender spots. He kisses me there, and there and there. Maria, he smells so good.

Everything about him is overwhelming my senses.

I stare into his grey-blue eyes. He's so beautiful.

One of his hands feeling down my back as the other holds my chin up. I see his lips about an inch from mine, but he refuses to meet mine - teasing me. I feel his thighs press into mine as he lies on top of me.

He moves my legs so that they're resting on his shoulders. He slowly drags my harness off me. I catch my breath. Levi rams his hips into me so that only fabric separates him from me. I feel my knees go weak. Levi takes his cravat and shoves it in my mouth. I start in shock and stare at him. He simply smirks. "Can't have you moaning if Arun comes back, can we?" His thumb slowly runs across his bottom lip.

Levi begins to kiss down my neck again. My skin tingles wonderfully. His shallow breaths and fast heartbeat intoxicate me. He quickly pulls my belt off my white trousers. "You sure?" I nod in reply. Levi smirks and pulls my trousers down slightly so that my hips are revealed but not anything else. He begins to trace along my hips causing me to gasp into his cravat. If only I didn't have this in my mouth. He kisses, sucks and bites at my skin. I realise my fingers are still in his hair.

Levi moves my legs again so that they're bent. "Spread for me, brat!" I instantly comply. Levi had been so patient kissing me everywhere, running his hands along my skin, but that animalistic hunger has entered his eyes again. I realise my trousers and pants have been removed without me noticing. Sneaky bastard.

He stares into my eyes as he bends down so that his head is in between my thighs. His hands begin to roughly caress my inner thighs. This man makes me weak.

Levi begins to lick, kiss and suck at my already soaked pussy. (get a bucket and mop for that

WAP). I feel his quick breaths against my heat. "Fuck." He murmurs. He continues eating me out. I close my eyes in ecstasy and moan into his cravat. His hands continue massaging my inner thighs as his tongue swirls around the hole. I feel tears of pleasure fall down my face as I moan. He smirks, hearing me.

He bites softly on his lips. It's funny because 'softly' isn't a word anyone else would associate with 'humanity's strongest. But I know him. I know the effect we have on each other. I release slightly and he licks it up, moaning softly. He then pulls himself up and takes the cravat from my mouth. I kiss him on the lips.

"My turn." I push him back so that I'm lying on top of him. I unbutton his shirt and slide it off his shoulders. His entire chest is covered in thin silver scars. I trace my fingers along them. I can feel the heat rising from his skin as he pants. I cup his face in my hands and lift his chin up. I lean down, Levi closes his eyes as he reaches down and clumsily fumbles with his belt. I get off the sofa onto my knees and pull him to the edge.

I unwavering meet his gaze and kneel further down so my head is in between his legs. I stroke his dick on top of his trousers. I feel it harden beneath my touch. I slip my hands down his trousers and pull them down to his ankles. His hand reaches out and grabs my hair pushing me onto him. "Fuck." He moans. I deep throat him using my index and middle fingers to place pressure on the sensitive area behind his dick. Levi gasps in pleasure. I feel his grip tighten on my head. "Fuck, Y/N." "Levi."

"It's Captain to you, brat." I look up and he winks at me before his eyes roll back. His eyelids flutter. "Fuck... oh...oh... uh..." He pants his voice breaking as he moans. I should have given him a taste of his own medicine and used the cravat.

Levi's back suddenly arches thrusting himself further into my throat. I'm going to gag. His grip on my head suddenly looses unable to control his body anymore. "Uh... oh... ohhh." Levi releases into my mouth with one last deep groan. I become conscious of my wet legs from my own discharge.

Levi collapses back and I crawl on top of him resting my head underneath his. One hand wraps around my waist holding me tight to him, the other reaches up and runs through my hair.

"You know it was pretty funny the way you jumped out of the window brat."

"You saw that?" I hide behind my hands. Levi scoffs and grabs them. He leans down and kisses me on the nose.

...


	20. Season 2 - Sasha's Village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the capture of the female titan the AoT gang excluding Eren and co, are sent to the countryside South of Wall Sina. They quickly realise something is wrong when Sasha detects titans incoming. Has Wall Rose been breached?

**_Y/N’S POV, South Wall of Sina_ **

I stare out of the window. It's a very exciting view. There is a tree. Another tree. A different tree.

Oh, and a bird. The rural rustic cottagecore life is driving us all insane. Except for Ymir and Historia, it seems. Even Sasha is slightly out of her wits. This boredom is probably due to the fact that we're used to action. Every... single... day... of these past years of our lives. Hey, look. There's another bird.

"My village is just south of here," Connie mumbles into his hand before face-planting into the table.

"Mine's to the north," Sasha half-heartedly replies. I hear the clack of wood on wood as Reiner and Bertdolto play chess.

"I just want to see my family."

"My folks told me to not bother coming home until I'm normal. So there's that." Sasha sounds bored but I detect a hint of sadness. I want to say something, but I no longer have the mental ability or botherment to. I miss my Grandparents more than I want to admit, but I'm not exactly jumping to have another family reunion with dear Old Uncle Alcott.

I peer outside at the older scouts down below. I notice they all have double the amount of blades and equipment than they would need for normal patrol. Yet, we new recruits are penned up here, no uniform, no gear, no protection. Why are they on edge and yet we're not geared up in case something bad happens?

Sasha collapses on the table drawing my attention back to the room from the outside. She suddenly stands up. "Uh... guys I'm hearing titans!"

"What?" Reiner scoffs. "For there to be titans, Wall Rose must have fallen. And if Wall Rose had fallen wouldn't Section Leader Mike be here right now telling us to gear up?"

"When have Sasha's instincts ever been wrong, Reiner?" I stand up in defence of my friend.

Nanaba smashes through the window.

"9 titans. 500 metres South. No time to gear up. On horses now, evacuate and spread the word to the villages. Snap to."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am." We all reply standing up in shock. Don't we ever get one day of peace? To be fair we were all just complaining about the peaceful rural life. Isn't Connie's village to the south?

Does that mean that the titans have already obliterated his village? His family, his friends, his home? I look at Connie, I think he's just realised that too.

I run out of the room and down the stairs, the rampage of scouts behind me. We're all in a blind panic now; we have no time to get our gear. What happens if we come across a titan? It's not like we can punch its nape, or even get up there in the first place. There's nowhere for the ODM gear of the older scouts to fire their hooks at - this is pasturage. This is very bad. Very bad indeed.

I run into the stables. My saddle? Where is it? "Sasha, have you seen my saddle? Where is it?"

"Here!" Bertolito throws my saddle at me. I turn around and grab Eichhörnchen's reigns. I grab my scouts cloak and trident-pole from next to it. Thank Maria I was down here this morning. But still, we're defenceless against the titans. Moxie can't stop us from being eventually eaten. "Ymir, have you-?"

"Here."

"Rookies snap to, every minute counts."

"Connie that's my saddle you-"

"Why is in my stall then, you-?"

"SHUT IT!"

"Sorry, Nanaba."

...

I mount my horse and begin to gallop. "Don't lose heart!" Nanaba screams at us as the rest of my friends ride up next to us. This is futile. Even if we warn the villages and the older scouts kill off the titans that have already breached the wall, without Eren to create a block or our ODM to kill any more titans that are going to wander through... Wall Rose has been breached. The fate of Maria is about to uncannily occur again. And like last time, I am helpless. We scouts cannot stop the deaths of every single person within Rose. With all of humanity retreating into Sina, we'll be dead of lack of resources and shelter within a month. Maria was cattle ground, Rose is pasture, Sina...

Sina is civilisation. There's no way of feeding all of humanity without the land needed within Rose.

The land that is about to become titan-territory.

I follow Sasha as the squad scatters into four groups. I watch as Mike breaks from his ground and begins to ride back towards the titans. Is he going to try and kill all of them by himself? Is he offering himself as bait?

...

Sasha and I ride through the woods that are her home. I wish I had seen this place under different circumstances. I have a horrible feeling that barging in like this is a horrible invasion of her privacy. She grew up here. She might have climbed that tree or ran under that one. I notice a set of gigantic footsteps in the ground below us. Titans. They must already be here. Oh, Sasha. I'm so sorry.

I feel the wind in my hair as we ride deeper into the woods. These woods are so incandescently alive in their own transient cycle of life. The ancient oak whose decaying branches, providing life for the next generation of saplings. I guess that's just the natural order of things. But what comes out of human death?

"Whoa! When did that get built?" Sasha mumbles. I look at where she's staring. A small bascule bridge has been built over a large river. The bridge looks worn down and well used. Yet Sasha's only been gone for about three years. Strange. Maybe she lived even further into the forest?

Sasha runs into one of the houses. So this is her village. I feel kind of stupid right now. I look inside of the house. There's a titan casually eating a woman's leg. Sasha swings an axe above her head and lets out a battle cry.

Sasha butchers the titan's nape. I run inside and see a little girl sat down facing away from the woman. I run across and pick up the girl. Sasha grabs my arm and drags me outside whilst the titan somehow seems to be healing. Damit! The axe must not have been sharp enough.

"Uh... Sahsa? Where are the horses?" Clearly, my beloved Eichhörnchen is not as beloved as I thought. We continue running into the woods.

"Listen here, kid..." Sasha says to the little girl. "Stay on this path. I promise there will be someone that will help. We'll take care of the titan." I put down the little girl and she runs off into the woods. She doesn't look back. I realise she's put her complete trust in us now. We have to do right to that trust. We have to kill this titan with four arrows, a trident and no ODM. Actually, all we really need is ourselves. Sasha and I. We're scouts for a reason. We're humanity's defenders. That little girl is the reason why we trained, why we became scouts.

"Take the eyes out Sasha."

Sasha nods and draws back her bow. The first arrow lands in the titan's armpits. The second misses its left eye. "I've only got two left Y/N."

"Sasha, you can do this. You are a hunter. I know that your bow is just an extension of you. Remember when Ymir told you not to talk in a posh accent to hide where you're from? Well, she's right. You don't need to be embarrassed by your roots. Now, just bloody take the shot!"

Sasha releases her arrow. Bullseye! She then grabs the other arrow and runs towards the titan. She flings her bow away from her. What is she doing? Is she mad? I close my eyes. My heart rate increases quickly. I prepare myself for Sasha's screams as the titan picks her up. Nothing comes.

Have faith in your friend Y/N.

I open my eyes and Sasha has rammed the arrow in the titan's remaining eye. I scramble up its arm and use the head of my trident to slash along its nape. I pull Sasha away and we slip back into the woods. I listen to Sasha hysterically laughing in shock and at the absurdity of the situation.

"We just took out a titan without blades or ODM!" I jump with joy. This is absolutely crazy. I hear the rumbling of horses next to us. I look to the path as someone exclaims "is that Sasha?!" I feel a horse nuzzle at my arm. I turn around to Eichhörnchen. I hug around his neck. I mount Eichhörnchen and pull Sasha up behind me.


	21. Surveying at Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In pitch black nighttime, unable to find the breach in wall rose, the AoT gang retreat to Utgard Castle only to discover the Beast titan and a horde of titans ready to attack.  
> Ymir has a secret.

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning gory depictions._ **

**_11 hours after the first titan spotted_ **

Sasha and I had reconnected with the rest of the Southern Team for hours now and were immediately tasked with surveying Wall Rose to find the breach. Yet we've been at it for hours and there's no gap or no titan swarm. This is strange. Too strange. It's almost like the titans have manifested from the earth itself.

I look at the grand walls on my right. They've been standing there for one hundred years, not breaching until recently. Why now? After a century, two walls fall within five years of each other. These walls have been a part of civilisation for as long as anyone alive can remember. There's no one who hasn't had the walls in a vital childhood memory. Everybody five years ago would laugh in your face if you told them that two walls would fall since then. It was life inside the walls or no life at all; that fact had become a staple of humanity.

I wonder what life was like when the walls were first built. I wonder what profane secrets under the walls have been lost with time. The past has an uncanny way of being both fascinating and threatening. It seems to be 'haunting' me in the present; driving humanity's need for answers. Much like the walls, the past is always reminding, always lingering and never relenting.

I look up to the gothic sky. These clouds, these damned terror inflicting clouds that ensure lack of clarity. This half-light, these half-truths that swirl around me like the walls around humanity. Why haven't we found the breach? What is out there? What is the truth about this madness? And for absolutely no reason damn these feeble torches. Damn this artificial, flickering light. I shudder thinking about what monsters lie beyond the yellow glow of our torches. We won't be able to see the breach or the titans. I hate this distortion of my vision, who knows what illusions within the shadows will come to haunt me?

I think of all those bodies out there, slowly decaying over time becoming yellow, rotting, bone - all manners of detritus crawling through flesh and muscle. Decaying with time. I clutch the torch in my hand. I know it will burn out before the night is even high. A torch will always burn out, no matter how long it is lit for. Life will always end. A torch nor a candle is not sustainable and neither is this lifestyle. The fleshy wood is burning away like the flesh melts of the bone.

Why does exhaustion make me morbid?

Snap!

Sasha lets out a little squeal. I squint and peer ahead. The darkness is definitely closing in on all sides. I notice three dancing orbs begin to glow and flash in the distance. What kind of vile mutation of titan is that? Am I dreaming? Is some sort of three-eyed, glowing titan coming for me?

The lights get closer and closer until I suddenly pick up on a familiar sound. Ymir's snarky voice.

And there's Christa's sweet reply. I don't think I've ever been so glad in my life to hear Ymir.

"I'm assuming you found the breach!" Nanaba's voice calls out.

"Would we even be here if we had!" Reiner snarkily shouts.

Christa comes into view, her face looks perplexed, dark shadows hang under her eyes. It seems we're all about to collapse from exhaustion. I guess psychological terror and being in the military is not a good combination.

"You haven't." Nanaba looks extremely worried now. "The trouble is that the horses are on the verge of collapse and so are we. If we were to come across titans now, fatigue and darkness will only lead to our deaths." Up above the clouds suddenly eerily move to reveal a full moon because fate clearly has an obsession with pathetic fallacy.

I look around me. I think I could grow to love to live here under different circumstances. Crying trees in romantic spring rains. Harsh slopes, longing gazes of Winter Moons at Summer Suns, ancient eulogies and hymns written into the ground. Fallen apples basking softly in the evenings. Lovely dawns and unforgettable dusks. The soft rays of Autumn upon your skin guiding your heart home for winter. Remnants of summer dances in the dandelions, late candlelit talks. All repeated over and over again. Fresh grasses and flowers much like a framed painting, or a quick lover's sketch in the front cover of a novel. Enchanting elegant letters, rustic wicker baskets filled with wildflowers, white lace stained ever so slightly green from tall grasses.

A life I would never have.

"Braus. Report to Commander Erwin." Nanaba hands Sasha a letter as we arrive at a large, old Castle. I feel sorry for her horse. I wave goodbye to her.

...

"I guess we can make do with it for one night." The Senior scouts begin to have a conversation about horses that I'm too tired to think of. I follow Nanaba and Connie into the castle and into the tower. At least titans can't climb stairs.

"I saw a sign that said 'Ruins of Utgard Castle' but it looks like someone's definitely been here since it was abandoned. Very recently indeed." Nanaba says pointing to the ashes of an old fire.

"Hey guys, look what I found." Gelgar waltzes into the room with a green bottle in his hand.

"Gelgar you're not going to drink that are you?"

"Of course not. Not right here." He replies slowly, clearly having already drunk some.

"You rookies should get some rest. Titans won't be roaming at this hour. We leave in four hours before daybreak."

"What..." Christa starts, her voice is weak. "What if the wall isn't broken after all. The titans... where are they coming from?"

"Finding the answer to that is our job for tomorrow." Gelgar slowly walks up the stairs.

"Maybe it's not as bad as we thought. The initial group of nine were the only ones we've seen.

There's too little for the wall to be broken." Christa continues.

"Connie... your village?"

"Completely destroyed... But no one was eaten, I think they all escaped. Besides, if anyone was eaten there would be blood and remains, there wasn't any of that. It's weird but that titan on my house that couldn't move at all... reminds me of my mother."

"What an idiot?" Ymir starts laughing which is pretty terrifying. Even Christa looks worried. "You think that titan is your mother? Why are you so short then?.." Ymir fully starts uncontrollably cackling with joy. "You know if this theory of yours is correct then your father had to be a titan too... you know... how else could they have...."

"Shut up! Go to sleep, you wrench!" Connie snaps. I don't know what's weirder, Ymir laughing or Connie being angry.

...

By the time I've even sat back down in a more comfortable position, Connie has managed to find an old sheet and is fast asleep. I look around and Christa has quickly nodded off too. I lean back against the wall. It's cold. Too cold to be able to sleep. Bertholdt sits next to me but I'm too tired to properly acknowledge his presence.

I see my vision begin to slip as Nanaba sits down at the table. Tired. Too tired.

I suddenly noise wakes me from my shallow sleep. Ymir is rummaging in a chest in the corner. I guess I'm awake now. What a lovely nights sleep. I feel so rested. I stand up and walk over. Reiner is hidden in the shadows behind the door.

"How can you read this?" He's holding some weird metal can thing. I grab it.

"It literally says fish on the label, Reiner. You illiterate or something?" I say.

"You can read it too -?"

"I have a bloody fishing trident, Reiner. Of course, I know the word for 'fish'.

"I-"

"Everybody get to the top of the tower. Immediately!" Someone screams above. I run up the stairs. Why so many stairs? At the top, I peer out down below. There's a huge horde of titans. We couldn't have seen them in the dark. We also couldn't see the breach. Where did they all come from then?

"How can they move... its night?" I whisper, my voice breaking. These titans are different from the ones that Hanji studied. It's like they're evolving or something.

"Hey, guys, what the hell is that?" Connie says, his breaths are short and shallow. I look at where he's pointing and feel my heart rate quicken. Some sort of monkey-ape titan is casually strolling around below like it owns the place. It's too large and strange, even for an abnormal. It must be like Eren and Annie - another human who can turn into a titan. "It's like some kind of beast." Connie continues. I feel Christa stiffen next to me and a woosh of cold air as Ymir reaches out and grabs her hand.

"It's headed for the wall!" Someone says. The wall? It's got to be tall and strong enough to be able to break through it. Especially if there's already a breach at the bottom. With no support, Wall Rose will completely crumble. Then it will be titan-land, Wall Maria, titan land, no Wall Rose, titan land and then Wall Sina. With the entirety of humanity within Sina, this is bad. This is more than bad.

Something smashes against the tower. As the top wobbles, I look down as the titans ram into it. How do they know how to do that? One of them begins to headbutt the door. The wooden door, that's been rotting away for at least a century. We're goners.

"I should be drinking right now. You're standing between me and my tankard of ale. I've earned the right to get absolutely wasted." Gelgar says. He has some quality priorities, gotta hand that to him.

"Rookies... we've got this. Let the ODM do what it was designed for." Nanaba says revealing her blades. With the moonlight, blue sky behind her, I think she's the most perfect person ever.

A loud crash brings me back to the wall. The. Beast. Titan. Has. Climbed. To. The. Top.

"Rookies... the titans have broken down the door. Go back down and form some sort of barricade!

We've got to give it our all until we die... got it?"

"Got it!" We all shout before running back down the stairs. I hate stairs.

"I'll go see how far they've come through!" Reiner shouts grabbing a torch.

...

I wander into another room. An old cannon? "Ymir!" She's the only one strong enough to help me move it now that Bertotal has disappeared in pursuit of Reiner. We push it to the door. Reiner and Bertie are down below pushing a spear into a titan. Did it manage to get up here already? Ymir pushes the cannon down the spiralling staircase. It smashes straight into the titan's face. Job well done... for now.

A large lumbering shadow appears behind Connie as he moves to walk back up the stairs.

"Connie!" Christa screams. He starts around in shock. Reiner punches the titan's face who promptly bites down on Reiner's arm. Reiner picks the titan up. I didn't know he was that strong. He then begins to walk up the stairs. He's that strong? Connie runs up behind him and slashes the jaw open freeing Reiner's Arm. I grab the knife from Connie and slash its nape before Ymir kicks it out of the window.

"Assist?" Reiner jokes. I flip my middle finger at him.

"Priorities Reiner -"

"Priorities." We joke together.

...

I stand by the next-door further up the tower and begin to hammer in wooden beams for support. Not that the rotting wood will help, but it's visually soothing. Christa has opened Gelgar's bottle of alcohol and begins to treat Reiner's wound. Christa stands up and rips the bottom of her skirt to provide a bandage. Reiner just stares at her now revealed kneecaps. Wow, Reiner. Kneecap fetish eh? Ymir pouts.

"By the way Christa, my hand got scraped up a bit, too..."

"Huh? Just spit on it or something." Connie snarkily says earning him a punch in the face.

Crash!

The entire tower wobbles. Something hit us from above. What? We run up the stairs. Nanaba and Gelgar are clutching the other two scouts who look like their heads have been smashed in.

"It's him. The one who climbed the wall. The Beast Titan did this!" Connie runs to the other side of the remaining tower roof. "Group of titans approaching! More than twice the number from earlier!"

"Their timing is too perfect. It's like it's part of some strategy. They've been toying with us from the start." Nanaba's face is no longer hopeful but extremely perplexed.

"Can the Beast Titan summon titans as Annie could?" I ask no one in particular. The Beast Titan lets out some kind of battle cry and the titans below instantly begin hammering at the tower. The Beast Titan begins to climb back down.

**_(for personal reasons I will not be killing Nanaba because she is one of my comfort characters, but I won't mention her anymore)_ **

"I'm going to fight," Christa says.

"Christa, stop using their deaths as an excuse for you to die as well. You just want to die, but it'll be great if you die a hero... Connie give me your knife." Connie hands Ymir his knife. Ymir pats him on the head. I like this sleep-deprived Ymir.

"Ymir? What are you planning?" Reiner says. "Y/N, your trident, can't you?"

"So you want me to kill the titans before or after I fall to my death. We're helpless without ODM, and these guys don't have any gas." I grudgingly confess pointing to the corpses.

"Christa. Try to remember that promise we made training on the snowy mountain. I want you to live a life you're proud of... Remember our promise, Christa."

Ymir touches Connie's blade and runs off the tower. Well, that was unexpected. "Ymir!" Christa cries, tears pouring down her small face. The black-yellow-green glow erupts in the sky just like when Eren transforms. Is Ymir a human who can turn into a titan too? Why is everyone a titan human? Eren, Annie, Ymir... probably Reiner with his weird hair and Bertholdt whilst I'm listing people. If Erwin wasn't blond, he would totally be that Beast Titan.


	22. Ymir and Historia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Ymir fights the titans, a new quandary appears. Who is Christa really?

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning slight gore._ **

I look down from the top of the tower. Ymir has formed into a small agile titan and has started jumping from titan to titan biting their napes off.

"Somebody tell me they saw that too..." Connie's voice trails off.

Ymir jumps from titan to titan doing some gymnastic, flip shit. One of the titans' bodies crashes into the tower and Reiner reaches out. Before I've even processed anything I see Reiner clutching at Christa's ankles. He isn't letting go though. I look in his eyes, he seems to be having a flashback or something. Connie pulls Christa up.

"Did you know? Did you know she is a titan?" Reiner asks.

"She never told me. We were inseparable... Ymir." Christa peers back over the wall. I grab her arm just to make sure she doesn't fall again.

"For all we know, she could have been on their side all along." Bottomtoldt slowly says. Christa gasps in shock. Bertie has a point. Ymir's been hiding this all along, and she's better at hiding it than Annie.

"Whoa? She's worried about the tower falling down?" Connie exclaims. Ymir can't be on their side then.

"Yeah... she didn't have to stay once we all found out. She could have ran, yet she's fighting. She's protecting us. She's risking her life for us... Don't you die on me, damn you!" Christa pulls away from my grasp and stands up on the edge of the tower. "You selfish bitch, wanting to die a hero!"

Something Christa says stirs something in Ymir who starts throwing the tower's bricks at the titan's heads. This tower was going to come down at some point anyway. Ymir appears in front of us. "Wanna live? Grab on tight!" She snarls. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a titan. I run and grab onto her hair and just in the nick of time. The tower begins to sway dramatically and I sense something beneath us dislodge.

The tower falls to the ground, flattening any titans underneath it.

But they're not dead. All of them suddenly shoot up from the rubble and begin tearing at Ymir. Towering squirts of blood shoot into the air. Christa jumps off a rock and runs towards Ymir. She's going to get herself killed. I run after Christa with my trident.

"Ymir... we had a deal... I still haven't told you my name." Christa screams. Her name? Everybody seems to have a secret underneath a secret. Except for Armin, it appears. A titan suddenly looms over Christa. I scramble up a rock and jump onto it's back. Thank Maria it's only a small one. I slash across its nape with my trident. But something towers over me too. I look up at a mediumsized titan.

Can this mission get any worse?

...

I run up another rock. Thank Maria, Ymir brought the tower down. Irony. The Wall-Church's influence is so great on humanity, that I, a normal person, swear to one of the Walls as a deity when blaspheming. The same wall that fell, subjecting my home district to damnation. I guess Maria really likes crumbling stone.

I slice the nape of the tian. The large hand of another one looms towards me. Without ODM I'm practically useless and judging by the way a horde of titans are surrounding Ymir, so is she. We won't be able to kill all 30 odd of them and defend our helpless friends as well. I cut the fingers off the one reaching for me and jump onto the hand. Counter-intuitive I know. I feel my heartbeat slow down and with it, the world. I run up the titan's arm and jump onto the shoulder. With a strand of titan's hair in one hand and my trident in the other, I swing from shoulder to shoulder cutting the nape.

How many titans have I killed? This was my third tonight. The was the one I cut my way out of. There must have been at least one other in the forest. Must be at least five then. I'll try and aim for twenty solos before I die. That's a good amount.

Something large enters my peripheral vision. I groan. Not again. I turn around and see a large mouth looming over me. I jump to my right avoiding a giant droplet of titan spit. Disgusting. I look around. I'm in a horrible situation. I can't run out of the way. Dammit! Why isn't my fight-or-flight working right now? It worked barely moments ago. It might be that I'm tired? No. That's all the more reason my fight-or-flight should be inducing. I've broken my slow-motion survival instincts.

Shit!

I close my eyes and hear the whizz of ODM above. I look up and see Mikasa flying through the air as the titan falls backwards. That girl is a badass. I look up as an army of scouts shoot towards the titans. I pick Christa up and run towards Ymir avoiding the falling titan bodies besides us.

...

I sit next to Christa who's cradling Ymir's body. Ymir is missing an arm and a leg but she somehow looks completely at peace. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at Hanji. Ymir's eyes open slightly and look at the large, red ones of Christa. I watch as tears fall down from Christa's face onto Ymir's smudging the dried blood.

"Just as promised... my real name is Historia," Christa whispers. I stand up and join my friends.

This is between them now. I can't wait for the wedding.

I'm really sorry for the short chapter, but I couldn't stop crying because Isayama keeps on creating couples and then destroying them: JeanxMarco, YmirxHistoria, SashaxNicolo.


	23. Return of the Armoured and Colossal pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the revelation of Ymir as a titan and Christa as Historia Reiss, even more revelations occur. Particularly towards a certain Reinah and Bottomholdt.

It had begun to rain, which is just our luck really. I should have paid attention to Bertholdt's sleeping position last night, for someone so tall and lanky, he is surprisingly flexible. And good at predicting the weather. The rain splats against my head. Dammit. With the steam from the dead titans still emerging, we might as well all build a sauna with these giant tower blocks. Moblit is leading a small group of scouts as they pull Ymir up to the top of Wall Rose. Her limbs haven't started healing yet, which is kinda strange, but then Eren can't be the baseline of all titan comparisons. Christa... or should I say... Historia has placed her green cloak over a sleeping Ymir which is the cutest thing ever, and if Ymir were awake, she would definitely rub it in Reiner's face. It's going to take some getting used to calling Christa, Historia. I like it though. She's got a lot of history that we clearly didn't know about. Trauma's turning me into a dad. Help!

Eren has this perplexed look on his face. I'm surprised he isn't angry at Ymir. But then, Ymir is on our side so I guess he's just worried about her. "I'm telling the truth. Ymir had nothing to gain putting her life on the line." Historia tells Hanji. Her legs are wide and she's raising her fists. "Yes, she had no right keeping it to herself... but I think she was just worried about what people would do to her. No one is closer to Ymir than me and in my mind, there is no doubt who's side she's on."

"Is that so..." Hanji looks at me. I nod towards Historia. Historia is right, whichever side Historia is fighting for, you can bet your lucky socks that Ymir will be there too. "You say that this isn't as complicated as it looks... but where I'm standing, the world gets more complicated by the hour." I join up with Hanji and Chri-Historia. I realise that I don't think anyone's told Hanji about Mike and the others. Am I going to have to break that news to them? Shit.

"Oh, uh. Historia Reiss you say?"

"Yeah. That's correct."

"Isn't Reiss the name of a noble family?" Hanji slightly insensitively asks. Is Historia an illegitimate child? Did she run away from home to join the military? She's been through that and still manages to be the sweetest angel... I hug Historia, she stiffens slightly before hugging me back. Everyone needs an emotional output every once in a while.

"I had no idea Y/N... she's my best friend. When she was always telling me to be true to who I am, is it because she knew she couldn't? Was she scared that I would stop liking her? Was she telling me to live for both of us?"

"When Ymir wakes up, you can ask her yourself... not that she'll give you a straight answer." I'm doing dad-jokes again. Why now brain?

"Ymir is going to be taken back to Trost where she can get some medical attention." Hanji decides.

"Now, on with our mission. Patching up the wall."

_FLASHBACK_

_"Ymir what are you doing?" I walk up to her. She's bent over clutching a thin piece of wire and a short string with a red mark on it._

_"I actually didn't steal this by the way. Took a day of off-duty sweeping to get this pathetic piece of metal and these small gemstones. Also a death-threat... but that doesn't matter. Can I borrow your pinky finger, Christa's hands are so small that should be the same size."_

_I stick my hand out towards her. Ymir wraps the wire around my finger and nods. "You're making a ring for Christa... I knew you were a big ol' softie on the inside." Ymir shoots daggers at me with her eyes._

_"If you tell anyone I swear I'll-" She snaps. I hold my hands up in a bemused surrender. "Matching promise rings... in case we die before I can get a proper ring. But since we scouts are paid in bread and days alive, I might have to steal that one." Ymir threads the wire around the translucent blue gems._

_End of Flashback_

I wonder if Ymir has given Historia that ring yet. With no steam coming from Ymir's body, I hope she has.

...

I run after Hanji and Moblit.

"Hanji! Moblit!" I shout.

"Huh?"

"Did anyone tell you?" I stop and bend down. "Mike... Gelgar... all of the older scouts..." "Did they die in vain?" Moblit asks out of nowhere. I shake my head.

"In battle... Mike protecting the villages. The others protecting us at Schloss Utgard."

"Mike would have loved that..." Hanji softly says. "Fighting to the end." They turn suddenly and continue plodding down the wall. For someone so energetic and spontaneous I can tell Hanji mourns by themself in a dark room. I'll respect that and not mention their deaths until Hanji and Moblit are ready. I didn't know them like those two and I never can now. I turn around and start plodding myself back towards my friends.

"That's twice I've nearly died now... what are the chances I'll survive a third. This is what it means to be a soldier. But there's no good whining about it now, not until we can plug the wall." Reiner went through like six stages of therapy in one thought and without Bertholdt.

"That's true!" Bertie randomly exclaims. "Let's go... home. Compared to everything we've been through, the rest is easy we know the worst now."

"You're right, we don't have much further to go until it's done," Reiner replies, a weird light in his eyes. Maria is very far away in terms of battle strategies Reiner. Someone at your home place a bet on how long you can last before you can set foot in your own front door again? Unless... there's a sneaky other mission. Ha. To be honest, with the earlier reflection that Armin is the only one who probably isn't hiding things, there probably is an ulterior mission.

"Who would have ever thought that she is a titan?" Sasha softly says next to me.

"We'll decide what to do with Ymir once she's healed." Hanji's voice sounds from behind me. They're back already? "Oh and Connie, I'll order a squad to investigate your village. For now, chin up... It's troubling, you'd expect this area to be teething with titans."

I hear the sound of horses and look down from the wall at the Garrison Advanced Squad. Hannes. The other dudes from Shiganshina. Hopefully, they've found this mysterious breach that clearly doesn't exist and no one wants to say it out loud.

...

"The wall's perfectly fine!" Hannes's head appears over the wall. "Spent all damn night trying to find that bloody hole, not a thing. No hole anywhere. Nada."

"That's impossible!"

"Not a single titan on the way here either."

"But we know for a fact that there are titans this side of the wall." Armin and his intellects.

"How much have you had to drink?" Eren scoffs at Hannes. Who brotherly hits him on the head.

"Hold on... why are you kids even here? Eren? Mikasa? Armin? Y/N? The whole Shinanshina Squad." The clouds darken and the wind picks up. All the way up here it's a surprise if we didn't feel the force of a gale soon. And without horses to getaway... RIP Eichhornchen and Baum.

I look to Hanji who looks seriously perplexed, lost in a confused train of thought. I know they'll figure everything out eventually. "I guess we have to change tactics. We head back to Trost immediately!"

"We'll go on ahead of you. You'd be smart to keep your head up." Hannes says before turning and ODMing away.

...

"How can there be no hole?"

"Excellent question," Armin mutters to himself. And he's in thinking mode too. "Nothing like this has happened in five years, why now all of a sudden. And why consecutively all now... Trost. Wall Rose..."

I follow Armin and Sasha. Eren drops behind to talk to Reiner and Bertholdt. Mikasa obviously stops too. I reach into my pocket and pull out Ymir's metal pot of fish. Does being a titan make her able to reach this weird language? Am I a titan or is it just that I know the word for 'fish' in many pre-wall languages? Reiner couldn't be a titan because he couldn't read it. Unless he was faking it.

Who knows really?

"Hey Sasha, there's fish in this weird metal tin thing."

"The poor fish, trapped in there... gimmie..." Sasha squeals and hits my arm as I lift it up well above her head. I bring it down.

"How do we open it?" I puzzle. There's a weird metal ring on the top. I pull at it. It comes off but the tin remains intact. Haha, they'll be no fish today, no Sir. I give it to Sasha who mimics stabbing it with ODM.

"Oh no... what if there is a species of Titan that knows how to dig?" Hanji hypothesises in the distance.

"That would definitely make an entry point harder to find, eh?" Moblit adds.

"We can hypothesize later... Our first concern is Ymir." Five seconds later, Hanji is telling Moblit about another hypothesis.

"With no horses, we've got to get back to Trost somehow and walking there will be long and arduous, given the lack of sleep we've all had." Mobit reminds her.

...

"Y/N... there's something you should read." Hanji hands me a scroll of paper. I unravel it. It's a background report on Annie... and Reiner Braun... and Bertholdt Hoover? Their hometown is the same as Annie's? But surely when Maria fell and it was destroyed, that would unite the three of them? They weren't exactly best buddies in trainee corps. At the start, Bertie and Annie talked for like a week, but other than that...

"And during the long-range mission, they were one of the groups mislead to think Eren was in the right-wing." Moblit reminds me.

"But that's where Annie attacked... They told her? And when Reiner was almost squished to a pulp he was telling her where Eren really was. She left in the totally opposite direction immediately.

Right towards Eren." I hate this revelation. Reiner? It must be a mistake. I can't wait to tell Jean.

Hanji and Moblit suddenly stop. I turn around and stare at Reiner. His arm! It's healing. With steam. HE'S THE ARMOURED TITAN!!! I mean I suspected it from the start with his stupid hair. BUT HE'S THE ARMOURED TITAN!!!! I even stupidly told him that the armoured would be the titan I would want to be. I COMPLIMENTED HIS RED-GOLD AESTHETIC APPEARANCE.

This is the worst day of my life.

Just wait until I tell Jean.

Mikasa appears out of nowhere and slashes Reiner's jugular vein and his hand falls off. Unfortunate reflex. She then cuts Bertholdt's throat. The familiar yellow-green-black lightning surrounds Reiner and Bertholdt. The Colossal. It's steam. Not again. Why is it always me? Can I transfer to his squad?

I slow my heart-beat and grab Sasha and Connie, fling them over my shoulders and run in the opposite direction. Large supply craters begin to swirl chaotically in the air. Don't look back.

Getaway. Protect. I run and reach Historia. I bend down and pick her up and continue running. An ungodly red hand appears over my head and picks up Ymir's stretcher. I fall to the ground with the burning air pressure. Historia reaches helplessly up to Ymir. I look at Reiner... the Armoured. He's clutching Eren. Does the other side simply just want those two?

The titan changing electricity fills the sky. Eren. He's finally come to his senses.


	24. Return of the Armoured and Colossal pt2

**_Warning extreme violence_ **

Eren screams in his titan form. It's a blood curdling scream. Remind me to not get on his bad side. Ever. Eren and the Armoured both crash into the ground letting up a mushroom-cloud of soil, dust and air. I stand up and pull Historia up too. A thundering rumble begins by the Colossal. It slowly stretches it's arm out. "Move! Everyone!" Hanji screams at the top of their lungs. Not more steam.

Hanji tackles me over the wall ODMing into the side. I swing clutching to them. I look up as Betholdt chucks Ymir and another scout into his mouth and slammes it shut.

"Ymir!" Historia screams. It's heart-wrenching listening to her cries. Historia buries her head into Sasha's shoulder.

"Soldiers! Attack. The Colossal doesn't get away today. Swarm and terminate!" Hanji screams ODMing back into the air. I drop onto the wall and catch Historia from Sasha. I begin to run in the other direction dragging Historia. She tries to pull away but I turn and pick her up.

"Fall back!" Hanji screams it hasn't even been that long since they ordered them to attack. I look back as a mountain of steam completely engulfs the other scouts. Hanji lands next to me followed by a torrent of screaming scouts. Various pieces of skin are blistering and peeling.

"He's not turning back. I think he's protecting himself, emitting continuous steam." Armin says. He fires an ODM hook towards the Colossal but it gets flung back by the steam. "As long as he's doing that, our ODM is useless. What do we do?"

"Now? Wait... Squads 3,4 take position behind ready to attack. Squad 2 stay put... How long he acts as a blast-furnace remains to be seen but he'll have to come out eventually. Listen up! I want you to destroy them, no second thoughts, no taking them alive." Hanji's tone is hard and cold.

"Ymir's still alive. I just know it. Please save her." Historia weeps dragging an injured soldier.

"Reiner and Betholdt too," Connie begs to an older scout. Shit. Did he not see?

"Connie," I say immediately getting his attention. "Reiner... Bertholdt." I point to the respective titan. Eren screams from down below as he is flung literally a mile away distracting me from Connie's response. Eren doesn't look in good shape. I mean Reiner's titan is called the 'Armoured' for a reason.

"No Eren. Back down. You won't win in a fist-fight. Make a break for the wall." Armin screams. Eren had better listen: in a battle as Connie says 'Armin's word is law'. Eren screeches. He's not listening. He's been blinded by rage. We get it Eren, all of us hate Reiner and Bertie right now, but you are not at a strategic advantage.

The Armoured's fist flies towards Eren but at the last second Eren dodges. He's doing Annie's move from training? He remembers it? She did it against him like once and he memorised the steps? Gotta hand it to you Eren, that's almost as badass as Mikasa. Mikasa when she's tired though. Eren smashes Reiner against a tree and then into the ground.

"Holy crap!" Armin exclaims. "That's... that's Annie's technique".

The Armoured flips Eren over but Eren reacts with a headlock with his knees. Reiner's armour begins to crack with a strangely satisfying sound. Reiner staggers up, Eren twists around him with his feet and the armoured plummets into the ground again. RIP any woodland creature down there. I see a giant large hand fly through the air. RIP to Reiner's hand I guess. And good riddance. If dear old Bertholdt sees Reiner's ass getting beaten then he might surrender. We might get some answers on the other side after all.

Armin and Mikasa ODM back onto the wall. Eren stands up in titan fighting position again and then retreats back to the wall. Finally, Eren is listening to Armin. There's only so many times he can do Annie's attacks before Reiner predicts what's coming. This is quickly becoming a tricky situation. I hear the whizz of ODM and lookup. Hannes and some other people from the Garrison have returned.

"The Colossal! I knew it. Why'd he show up here though?... What's up with Eren?"

"Uh... he and the others are over that way." Historia points down towards where Eren is hugging the wall with Mikasa and Armin perched just above. Hanji swoops down and stands on Eren's shoulder. A stampede of metallic thuds sound below. The Armoured has begun to charge at Eren. He's faster than expected. The Armoured flings Eren into the wall.

I simply just can't believe that Reiner and Bertie are the titans. They destroyed Shiganshina. They destroyed Maria. Thousands of people dying being eaten. Thousands more dying from not eating. I trained with these guys. I joked around with them. Reiner was like everyone's big brother and Bertie everyone's councillor. And to think this whole time they've just been playing friends with us all. At least Annie didn't try to be anyone's friend. At least Annie distanced herself from us.

I look down. Eren has the Armoured in an even better headlock than before. If he can rip the Armoured's head off revealing Reiner inside, we might just be able to win. The Armoured's armour begins to crack further with small bouts of steam releasing. The Armoured begins to push himself and Eren until they're directly underneath... the Colossal. Reiner- the Armoured lets out a strange cry like it's hurt and calling for backup.

"I don't like this, there had to be some reason for that scream." As Connie finishes talking a series of large unsticking noises sound from Bertie. The Colossal dramatically slumps off the wall and plummets down face first, it's jaw wide open.

"Above you! Look out!" Someone screams down to Hanji and co.

The Colossal titan slams into the ground letting off one last ginormous blast of steam. The blast quickly flies up the wall like a reverse avalanche, engulfing most of the scouts on the wall. By the time the steam has cleared enough Armin is screaming. The Armoured is swiftly running off away from us with Bertholdt on its shoulder clutching Ymir's body.

...

**_Levi's POV Trost_ **

Those MP brats behind me will not stop moaning about how they have no work to do and are just sitting on their fat pigs asses all day. They'd be dead barely one day into a Scouts mission. They all seem to perfectly happy to run into a titan and get eaten alive.

"I'll arrange a date with a titan for you since you seem so excited to get some action!" I shout at them and stare them down.

"Hey, the advanced Squad is back! Get Commander Pyxis!" Someone yells behind me.

I get off the cart and stare at the squad in front of me. Erwin arrives and stands next to me.

"No breach as far as you can tell then?" Pyxis asks. The scout nods. "Just as I thought..."

"But Sir, a situation has developed." The Garrison Soldier continues. A situation? "You see we ran into Section-Commander Hanji's group on the way back to Trost. There were recruits from the 104th cadets with them. None of whom had any gear. This may sound crazy Sir, but three of them were... titans!"

Titans? Y/N... She was there. She didn't have any equipment. Is she...? Who were the titans? I'm guessing Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover from Four-eyes's suspicions, but who was the third?

"What the..?" Kirschtein interrupts the conversation. "Seriously? You mean like three more. Who were they dammit?!"

"Jean. Calm down." Erwin places his hand on Jean's shoulder. I forgot that Jean was a 104th brat too. Everyone important seems to be these days. "What happened when the titans transformed?"

"The scouts took on the Armoured and Colossal as well as they could Sir. The other one's side is yet to be discovered, but it looks like she's leaning towards us too."

"I am friends with the Armoured and Colossal?" Jean shouts. I glare at him. Who is the third? Who is 'she'? Is 'she' this Christa that Pastor Nick told us about? Is 'she' Y/N? Is that why she has those weird reflexes?

"By the time we got there, it was too late Sir." The Garrison soldier falls to his knees. Is she even alive at this point? She escaped death so many times already. First at Trost where Hanji had to restart her heart, then she was swallowed and had to cut her way out... One day her luck's going to run out. Is today that day?

...

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

Mikasa is concussed. It's slightly strange because if she were awake, she would have already ODMed to Trost and kicked down Erwin's door. I look behind me. Almost all of the other scouts were blasted by steam and debris. I stand up and walk over to where Connie and Historia are tending to any alive scout's wounds. Ironic really, we without ODM who were supposed to be worse off, actually survived. And those with ODM are lying deceased or crispy next to us.

"Where is he..." Mikasa shouts at Armin grabbing his cloak and lifting him up.

"They're gone. Ymir and Ereh... Reinah and Bottomholdt aBdUcTEd them... That was about five hours ago."

"FIVE HOURS. FIVE. HOURS... Tell me someone's gone after them. Someone's gone after them right?" Mikasa's voice softens and breaks.

"I'm sorry."

"Whhhyyyyy NOOOOOOT!!!" Mikasa screams. RIP Armin, I guess. I sit down by Hanji and move some hair out of their face. I got some water from a remaining supply crate and begin to dab at their burns. Moblit lies on the other side of another scout. I stand up and go to him. I swig a mouthful of the water and use the rest to clean his wounds.

I look up at Hannes talking to Mikasa and Armin who begin to very dramatically eat their fieldrations. It's literally a dried cracker why the raging faces? Sasha's clearly had a large influence on all of us. Why'd she have to be the messenger for our squad, she missed quality ~cracker~ time?

Moblit stirs. "Hanji, are they ok?" The loyalty of this dude. He never calls Hanji crazy or 'foureyes' like everyone else and his waking thought after a 'battle' is of them. Respect.

"They're ok. Alive at least. Which means a lot in terms of a scout I guess." I point to Hanji. I open my mouth to say something else but am interrupted by the sound of thousands of horses. I peer into the distance. Commander Erwin?

...

"I'd prefer it if you'd stay here," Armin tells Historia. I get that you want to protect everyone and all but are you blind Armin? Did you see what just happened?

"Not happening. So you get to go after Eren, but not me Ymir? I'm going after Ymir and you can't stop me." Historia decisively says.

"You can't stop any of us Armin," Connie adds. "We all have our reasons for going. I have to ask

Reiner and Betholdt why, whilst I look them dead in the eye."

Commander Erwin places his hand on my shoulder and looks down at me. Two inches taller seems a lot more when he's the fucking commander of the Survey Corps. Moblit stands up.

"Situation the same?" Erwin asks Moblit.

"Yes Sir." Moblit answers. "Aggh. Hanji?!" I look down. Hanji has dragged themself towards us and has grabbed Moblit's leg.

"Well don't just stand there... give me a map!" They order. Their voice is hoarse. I pass down a Water Bottle to Hanji.

...

I sit down against a supply crate. Erwin and his band of Garrison and MPs that actually got off their lazy asses had begun to lift the horses from one side of the wall to the other, which is a horribly slow and painful process. I yawn. I've had barely any sleep and we're about to embark on a rescue mission. Not my best chance of survival.

"Miss me?" I look up to a glowering Levi staring down at me.

"Levi?!" I exclaim. I didn't think I'd see him here, what with his leg injury and all that jazz.

"I thought since, you know, this could be your last mission... I thought I'd come and see you off."

He slumps down next to me.

"Look who's getting all sentimental.' I poke him in the shoulder.

"Well, since you clearly don't want my presence I'll go back to Trost where I had a nice cup of tea waiting and a silent Pastor."

I groan. "Please tell me you're not joining the Wall-Church." I reach down and link my fingers in between his.

"Those bastards? I'd rather get eaten by a titan... But don't you fucking get eaten Y/N." Levi turns my face towards him with his other hand.

"The mission is just to recapture Eren and Ymir from the Armoured and Colossal... easy enough."

"Nothing ever is though... I've notcied that you call Reiner and Berthold by their titan names... you need to accept that they are one and the same, quickly Y/N. Because if you have a chance to kill them but sentimentality gets in your way... humanity can't afford second chances." Levi stares me in the eyes and then scoffs and looks down.

"Why'd you come to say goodbye Levi?" I ask.

"If you die out there I want to see you one last time."

"We're fucking scouts Levi. Every time we see each other is just another 'one last time'. Death is part of our daily lives. We're used to the prospect... why'd you come?"

"Tch."

I look down at my lap and awkward silence has filled the air between us. Levi suddenly leans over and kisses my cheek before slumping back down against the crate. I lean over to kiss him back on the cheek but at the last second he twists his head and I end up kissing him on the lips. He still tastes slightly sweet like his tea.

I feel a blush coming onto my face so I stand up and cough. Levi looks up and me, our hands are still clutching each other.

"Y/N!" Hanji shouts from somewhere.

"Comming." I stall for a moment refusing to break eye contact with my Captain Levi. Eventually, I have to and my fingers slowly and dramatically slip through his. He stares up at me, are there tears in his eyes? Nah, I must be hallucinating from exhaustion. I walk towards Hanji but I suddenly turn around a small, soft smile on my lips.

"You look good in a black suit." I whisper to Levi before winking and walking off. I can feel his dumbfounded stare at the back of my head.

...

"It's a gamble, but the trees in this forest are massive. So good for a hideout for Reiner and Bertholdt whilst they heal and stuff. I say we ride straight for it. They need to recoup, they can reassume titan form but other titans that side of the wall still poses a threat, titan or human form...

They'll make a break for whatever their final destination is at nighttime."

I put on some ODM gear and grab the reigns of my new horse.

"We have until sundown!" Mikasa shouts as we charge. It's already afternoon though. If we reach this forest before then, we might just be able to save them!"


	25. Rescuing Eren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under extreme time pressure to rescue Eren before the cover of night can mask their enemies escape, everyone rides for all their worth straight for their target. But things aren't that easy for the Survey Corps. 
> 
> RIP to Erwin's Arm  
> Eren has a 'chad' 'dude-bro' moment and fist bumps a titan.

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning violence/gore_ **

"We have until sundown!" Mikasa shouts as we charge. It's already mid-afternoon though, it may be summer but there are only a few hours until sunset. If we reach this forest before then, we might just be able to save them!

I feel the steady rhythm of my horse's hooves hammering into the ground. I feel the cool afternoon wind in my hair as I accelerate towards the forest. I look up to the sky. We're certainly pressured by time. It will take at least an hour to reach the forest at full galop excluding time for dodging and fighting titans which will probably take another hour because the MPs and Garrison members that have joined us aren't desensitized yet. Lot's of saving ass and spoon-feeding them. This is only like my third/fourth proper large mission and yet I'm beginning to sound like a senior/veteran scout. I suppose in terms of how long Scouts live for I probably am a senior scout.

I look ahead as Commander Erwin sticks his arm out. We fall into a new formation, the right and left ranks merging with the middle to avoid titans. In the distance, I can see Mikasa and Armin racing ahead with Hannes. It's always been a one-sided relationship with Mikasa, Armin and Eren. The latter getting into trouble and the earlier coming to his rescue. Still, Eren can hold a fight until they do arrive, I'll give that to him. Hopefully, he's recovered enough to be able to bite his hand and transform. Why can't he just use a knife like Ymir or a fancy-ring like Annie? Nothing screams titan more than biting your own hand, cannibalistic much?

...

It's only one hour until sunset. I'm beginning to feel slightly worried. Very worried. We're nearing the forest yes, but who knows what time-consuming fight awaits us within the trees. Bertholdt stole some ODM so he could find any kind of upper canopy hidey-hole. Reiner could transform and easily outrun the horses. Forests may be great for ODM but this is still not looking in our favour.

'Brilliant', I sarcastically think.

I reach the entrance of the forest just as a large yellow flash erupts from within. Someone's transformed into a titan. This is bad. It's highly unlikely that Eren and Ymir would have healed enough to transform and still be able to out skill Reiner or Bertholdt if they transform too. And there's always the possibility that Ymir could have joined their side if they manipulate her... if they threaten Chris-Historia. I look behind me at Historia. Her eyes are slanted, her eyebrows furrowed at a sharp angle. I've never seen this type of determination from her before. Usually, it's Ymir rescuing Historia not the other way round.

I hear the sound of multiple smoke signals go off. I look up. Red smoke signals surround me on all sides. That means titans are there too. I hear the familiar screams of naïve soldiers as their friends get chomped, crushed and slurped up like crimson bone broth. The sound alone is enough to make any normal person puke. I watch as various MPs around me freeze in absolute primitive fear at the ever coming teeth rearing to nash them up.

I wonder what answers lie when the sun finally sets on life. I wonder what comes next for us soldiers after the thundering pleading screams; the crashing clamp of thousands after thousands of titan jaws closing; the silent echo as the light leaves the eyes. I wonder what secrets can be found after the unrelenting crescendo of a mission after mission. I wonder when the final fortissimo of my life will be. I long for those days before Maria fell. When titans were a bedtime story and the Scouts were just green-cloaked folk with a fascination with birds. I pity the youth that, like me back then, don’t know the cruel chaos of this world. Humanity is on the brink of extinction but our ironic protecting walls are no place for the raging storm inside man. This rage that fills us, scouts. Life beyond the walls, beyond life, is both mysterious and familiar, uncanny and sublime, delight and chaos. I long to finally be free of all these worries and stand where the winds do not hold the blood against you, where the soil knows not of what you’ve done but only what it means to be free. Dying in battle, with friends surrounding you, final peace from this cruel world wouldn’t be that horrible after all.

...

"Soldier's scatter. The enemy has transformed into a titan! We're running out of time." Commander Erwin yells bringing me back to reality. I dig my knees into the horse and charge on, swooping around various grabbing hands. I notice in my peripheral vision MPs and Garrison soldiers stopping and staring at their friends wondering whether to rescue them or if they are simply too scared too.

“I’m sorry… I’m too scared to die with you.” I hear someone in front of me cry as their friend gets thrown into the air and swallowed like a grape. Others have stood up on their horses ready to initiate ODM.

"That is not our mission. Locate. Grab. Retreat." Erwin screeches. I’ve managed to catch up with Mikasa and Armin. The trees are ever getting closer. I look at the horizon behind me. We might just be able to do this in time.

...

“Ymir!" Connie screams from behind me. We ODM to the tree next to her. "What happened?

Where is everyone else? Where’s Reiner and Bertholdt”

"Ymir… c’mon. Which direction did they go? Ymir?!” Sasha yells. Ymir just turns her head around. She's scrutinising each and every one of us.

"Ymir!" Historia cries finally arriving. Ymir springs from the tree in a flash and clamps her jaws around Historia. She flies away jumping from tree to tree springing off into the distance. I gawp.

“Am I hallucinating or-?” I stutter.

“We all saw that Y/N.” Jean’s voice is hard and unemotional. He fires an ODM hook in pursuit of Ymir and races off into the trees. My friends follow fit. I am the last to leave the tree. So she chose their side. And ate her best friend? I say that, but something in Ymir must have known what she was doing. Surely? She only went for Historia. Eren has some control over his titan so Ymir must have chosen to take Historia. She must be alive and resting on her tongue or something. Right? Who in their sane mind would go directly to Historia to eat her first when everyone else was already there?

I see another yellow flash up ahead and the Armoured lands on the floor with a heavy crash. Shit.

He must have recovered enough to be able to even consider the chance that he could outrun us.

Dammit. By the time we reach the edge of the forest he has begun to sprint away into the sunset.

"Move it!" Hannes cries. "Get on your horses." I look down as a scout releases the horses. I ODM and whistle to mine. 'Tis about time I named this one. Perhaps something easier than

Eichhörnchen, but still keeping with the theme of forests. That’s only fitting considering I’m in one right now. I don’t know any other pre-wall words other than der Fisch and I fish doesn’t exactly fit with the forest vibe.

Shit Y/N. Focus on the Mission!

...

We all charge in pursuit of the Armoured. Ymir’s titan is perched on its right shoulder and on it’s left I can make out a tall stick and a short blob. That must be Bertholdt and Eren. Bertholdt’s built like a fucking tree. Man’s a tree. No wonder his titan form is the Colossal. I notice in front of the

Armoured, Erwin has begun charging directly for it and in tow behind him is a horde of titans.

He’s using himself and the command squad as bait?

Mikasa ODMs up towards Reiner who at the last second brings his arms to his chest in an X concealing Bertholdt and Eren within. I ODM up and hear Mikasa cold-heartedly shouting at

Historia. If she wasn’t completely all for Eren, I would 100% say that Mikasa is a psychopath. "Listen, there's only so many lives I can give a damn about. Cruel? That's the world they gave us six years ago. Sorry, I don't have any heart-strings left for you to tug on. Do you want compassion?

Move on. You want fair? Tough shit. Pick your side, Christa."

Poor Chris-Historia clutches at Ymir’s shoulder. I hear thumping from within Reiner’s crossed arms. Eren. The resident hot-head is finally being true to his reputation.

"Good luck getting Eren to calm down." Jean jokes to Bertholdt as everyone else lands on Reiner.

"Trust me, I've been on the receiving end far too many times...”

“Where are you even going? You can't run forever guys, just come out and talk.” Sasha says.

“Through thick and thin we slept under the same roof, your sleeping contortions were hilarious Bertholdt. You could even predict the weather with them. How'd you do it? Sleeping easily next to your victims for three years.” Jean spits. “When we were all sleeping soundly, tell me, did you ever lie awake and plot when you were going to kill us? Was this all just pathetic amusement for you, toying with your food before you eat us?"

"Was it all an act to you? We used to joke about getting old and looking back over drinks.” Connie continues on from Jean, although his emotions are less in check. “Listening to us tell our life stories were you just laughing inside knowing you could kill us all before our 20s, 30s? When everyone from Shiganshina and Maria told you about their dead family and friends were you just crying with laughter on the inside; pretending to be empathetic, pretending to identify with our trauma?"

"Shut it!” Mikasa yells. “This is their choice, hesitate and we forfeit Eren."

"Who would choose this? What do you think we are?” Bertholdt yells out to us. His voice breaks but I can’t tell if it’s genuine or playing ‘the victim card’. “You think this is what we aspire to be? Do you think we simply woke up one day and casually chose to knock down Wall Maria? We were children... It was never an act Connie, Jean. We may have lied about our identity, but we genuinely thought of you as our friends."

"I won't ask again." Mikasa coldly spits totally ignoring his mini-speech.

"Get off there!" Hannes yells from below. "That bastard Erwin's swarm of titans is only getting closer."

"What is this? Is this hell?" Jean thinks out loud.

"Not yet. But it will be... MY SOLDIERS CHARGE!!!!" Erwin screams. "Retrieve Eren and retreat. Your heart and soul to the cause!" He charges at an insane speed, Mikasa quickly reacting and following behind. We follow in pursuit.

"Advance!" Erwin cries out raising his right arm. A titan appears out of nowhere and clamps down on it. Erwin is lifted from his horse. "I said advance dammit. Do not falter." That man has a gut of steel.

Armin behinds to do some serious psychological manipulation on Bertholdt providing an overdetailed account of Annie’s ‘torture’. How the hell do these gory, bloody images and graphic descriptions just casually pop into Armin’s head. Here I thought he was the only one without a major secret. Here I thought Mikasa was the semi-psycho.

"Shut your mouth you hell-spawn. I'll kill you!" Bertholdt screams. ‘Hell-spawn’. That’s certainly a new insult. I won’t tell Levi that one or he’ll traumatize any new cadets before they’ve even joined the scouts. Still, Armin's mental manipulation and distraction bought enough time. I would have thought for Mikasa but it’s Commander Erwin who suddenly appears and slices through Eren’s bindings. It appears Erwin has lost his right arm. I hope he wasn't right-handed. Mikasa grabs Eren from the air.

"All soldiers retreat!" Erwin yells blood spurting from his arm.

...

I begin to ride back from the forest. I hear a swooshing ahead of me. The Beast Titan? He’s not throwing rocks at us again. A small titan lands to my left. I look back. Reiner? That bastard’s chucking titans at us. Another one lands in front of me. It reaches out and grabs an MP off its horse. I ride up and jump onto its shoulder slicing the nape as the MP screams at the top of its lungs. I whistle to my horse.

“Hey! Get a grip. Screaming isn’t going to make you look any less delicious to a titan. Do you have blades left? Use them. Cry when you get back home to your mummy.” I shout. I’m starting to sound like Mikasa and I don’t like it. Maria, why did I sound like such a bitch? The poor man’s been traumatised out of his wits. I grab the reins of his horse and ride back to him.

“Sorry dude. Just focus on staying alive.” I pass him the reins.

There’s another titan looming down on me. Why now? I slash it’s grabbing fingers off and ODM through the ridges in its knuckles and onto its shoulder. That’s another titan dead. I look around from it’s falling body. A titan is tumbling straight down from the heavens right into… JEAN!

His body goes flying back, his neck muscles pulled and twisted in whiplash. I see spurts of blood shooting from his nose. Armin jumps off his horse and breaks Jean’s fall. He drags Jean’s body to a nearby tree. A giant fish enters my vision. Not another one. Can’t I have enough time to go see if

Jean is alright? Fate’s a fucking fickle bitch. The fist is way too close… shit… heartbeat. Right. Calm down, Y/N. Use your weird family power shit. Calm down. The thumb is about two inches away from my face. I can see the dried blood underneath its fingernails. Fucking disgusting. The thumb falls to the ground as I jump onto the titan’s palm and do some acrobatic twist and tumble avoiding it’s closing fist. I run up it’s raising arm onto the shoulder. I dramatically jump up and ODM into the crown of its head avoiding its other palm which is trying to swat me.

_Killing titans. A short and sweet job description._

Where the fuck is Eren? He’s the one that got us all into this mess being fucking kidnapped. I know it’s not entirely his fault but I need to rant – internally at least. Has he not healed enough to transform? I peer around trying to find him amongst the falling from the air titans and the falling because they’re dead titans. Where’s Mikasa? If I can find her, I can find Eren. Oh, there she is… She doesn’t look happy.

That’s because there’s a titan in front of them Y/N you oblivious fuck.

Eren is fist-bumping a titan?

Am I seeing that shit right? That is Eren, right? That’s Eren because that’s Mikasa and that’s Mikasa because that’s her red scarf. Eren is fist-bumping a titan. Normal people die trying to slice their napes. Legends die by fist-bumping their enemy.

Suddenly all the titans drop whoever they’re trying to devour and stampede towards the titan in front of Eren and Mikasa. What were moments ago sarcasm is now further from that? It appears fist-bumping a titan and having titan powers are an amazing combination unlike Armin and a horse. The titan begins to get shredded apart by the other titans. That’s strange. Normally, titans only go for humans or humans that can turn into titans. Titans going for what I guess is a ‘pure’ titan is unheard of. Then again titans that walk in the night, creatures of the undead style, were unheard of before this mission. There’s a first for everything I guess. Like fist-bumping. Although I have to admit, I won’t be doing that any time soon.

Eren screams again and waves his fist dramatically around. If I wasn’t sleep-deprived and hallucinating I could have sworn that some of his strange titan lightning zapped through the air. Sure enough, the titans that were devouring the first titan suddenly stop and make a start for Reiner. Don’t question it.

“Soldiers retreat!” Erwin yells reminding us. I grab a random horse’s reins and ride towards him. I drop the reins in his hand and ride off. I look back. The Armoured isn’t trying to fight us again. Ymir? She’s jumped back onto the Armoured’s shoulder. Maybe if she goes with them, they’ll leave Historia be?

That's a question for another time.


	26. Night-time Aventures pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting back from Trost.  
> A nightmare  
> Some ~lovely~ advice from Commander Erwin.  
> A smol 5'2" bean with anger issues and a penchant for ~death~.

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning psychologically mature in the middle (night terror from PTSD)_ **

The journey back to Trost was better than we could ever have hoped for. No casualties on the way back. But too significant a number on the way there. Too significant a number. Almost all the veteran scouts had died since Wall Rose 'fell' and not only that but significant numbers of MPs and Garrison soldiers too. I can see the conversation running something like – 'we finally send you our soldiers to help and you get them all killed off on their first mission just to save this jack-ass titanboy. If you think that we wanted to kill him before, we most definitely do now'.

Stop overthinking this Y/N, just be grateful that there were no casualties on the way back and none of your friends died. All because Eren fist-bumped a titan and then sent all the other titans after Reiner. If he can learn how to control titans all the time, taking back Wall Maria will be a breeze. He can just get all the titans to go kill each other. Then the few remaining scouts don't have to put themselves in harm's way.

I walk around the courtyard. I'm on my way to visit Commander Erwin. It's literally been less than a day since we got back and he's already getting back into normal life as if extreme blood loss is a casual occurrence. Hanji and Connie are walking towards me. Connie is clutching the photograph of his parents. I'm guessing his theory about his family and the night-walking titans is correct despite the lack of empirical evidence.

"Y/N... My, is that the time already? Tell me you are on your way to visit dear old Erwin?" They ask. I nod. Hanji grabs my arm and turns in the other direction towards Med-bay. "I'll see you around Connie!" They yell over their shoulder. I turn around and shrug at Connie. Dear Subconscious, please remind me to talk to Connie later.

Hanji runs up to and knocks on Erwin's door. "Name and business." He calls from within.

"Hanji, again, and Y/N," Hanji shouts back. As for business, I clearly don't know.

"Enter." Hanji pushes open the door. Erwin is standing up by the window. Commander Pyxis is sat next to the bed. "Ah... Y/N. Hopefully, Hanji has held off their excitement long enough to not tell you before I do."

I raise my eyebrow at Hanji. A wild light fills their eyes.

"I've finally accepted Hanji's request for you to be in their squad. But since it's literally only you,

Hanji and Moblit in the squad and since Hanji will be working with Eren, you will often be with Levi-Squad too..." From the tone of Erwin's voice, I can hear the 'keep things professional' hidden message coming through.

"Sir, thank you, Sir." I salute at him. It's literally been one of my greatest dreams since trainee corps to work with Hanji and Moblit.

"On another note, I need your personal witness report of what happened. You, I understand, had an outsider perspective on Eren's new capabilities. I need to know exactly what happened."

...

_I wake up. I'm back in my bunk on the family boat. I look across the cabin and Christa is sleeping soundly on her bunk. I can hear the sound of Ymir snoring under me. I climb up the rungs of the ladder and through the hatch onto the deck. But there's no deck. Only sand? Miles upon miles of pure white sands surround me. I look down, I'm stood in this sand. The hatch and the boat have completely disappeared._

_I stare around me. There's only this white sand. White sand and the sky above. I fall back into the sand and stare at the transcending lights of the galaxies above. Transcendence. That would be nice. To get away from all this death that follows me around in this cruel, cruel world. I stare into the midnight-blue and green galaxy, every glowing fear, glimmering dream and radiating hope that humanity should know. Humanity could come to know in a world where these bloody titans don't exist. For once in my life, I don't feel completely drained from having to hold the weight of the knowledge of my eventual death on my shoulders. The weight of the knowledge of the eventual death of everyone I care about._

_'Mercy' I hear the heavens whisper to me. 'A merciful death'. Maybe a severed head? Broken neck?_

_Complete crushing? No pain. That would be nice._

_I sense a shadow loom over me. I get up and turn around the stars above creating a kaleidoscope effect in my eyes. When the whirlwind of my vision halters, I stare at four distinctively familiar titans running at me, bounding over the white sands at an immeasurable speed. My family turned into titans. My family turned into titans like Connie's. These titans that I've spent so much energy carving through were simply once human like me. Fathers. Mothers. Children. Maybe they once had carved through titans as I do? Is this the fate that is to occur to all humanity? Is this what comes next?_

_I turn to run away from the incoming titans but I can't move. Can't move. I can't move! Grandma-titan picks me up in her fist. I don't have any ODM gear or blades. I struggle in her grip as she holds me up to her mouth, her razor-sharp teeth close down on my head..._

...

I shoot up and bang my head on the bunk above. I really need to stop doing that. I rub my head. I feel a horrible gurgling sensation in my gut. Luckily I haven't been screaming this time. I get up and stare at our ever emptying dorm room. First Annie. Now Ymir. I look at Ymir's bunk. Historia is there hugging the blankets to her chest. I grab a blanket from my bed, drape it around my shoulders and walk out of the dorm.

I walk towards the library. I didn't even know this place has a library until Armin casually mentioned it this one time. I suppose we've got Commander Erwin to thank for it though.

Something about him just screams 'addicted to literature'. I wander around and find a copy of 'Strategies of the Original Scouts'. By this point, I know the whole thing off by heart, but it's the last thing I stole before joining trainee corps so... sentimentality.

I sit down at the table and turn up the gas on the light. I flick through the pages and annotate the diagrams. I know every little detail off by heart. Here's the page on some early titan-killing system.

It was a two-man job. Someone would be attached to a hook and then lowered off the wall by a pulley lift hammered into specific intervals on the wall. They would be dropped down, slice the nape and then get pulled up by their friend. Efficient when there were few titans. Not very when there was more than five. Then they attached gas for the pull-up and eventually realised that they shouldn't be attached to the wall and need freedom of movement. ODM was thus created.

I hear a thump. Levi is peering around the door staring intently down at me. He suddenly slams the door shut. What the-?

**_Time skip back a few minutes. Levi's POV_ **

"Don't lie to yourself, Levi... You know there will come a day where she will not return. But you will."

Words cannot describe how much half of me wants to deck this man right now. The other half of me knows that he is right.

"I'm not telling you to break it off. Humanity has no time for heartbreak. I'm just telling you to be careful. Deep down are you willing to accept the exponentially growing amount of pain that will inevitably come?"

"That's enough Erwin. That's enough." I stand up and walk out of his room in refusal to listen to his truth. But it is the truth after all...

I'm called 'humanity's strongest' for a fucking reason. She's not like Eren. She's not like Hanji or Erwin. She's just another scout. Another person that will die. Even Mike, humanity's 'second strongest' didn't make it back this week. I know Erwin just wants to spare me the pain... I want to spare myself the pain. But at the same time, I don't. I couldn't live without her. But I have to. One day. One day I will have to live without her. I will spend many more years without her than with her. So why not make it easier for me then? So why not distance myself from her?

My mind and heart have never been at war before. I hate it.

I turn the corner and open the door to the library. Maybe Hanji can help.

Y/N’S sat at the table. Shit. Why now? Why fucking now? Why does she have to be awake and here right now? She's peering intently at a book, her fingers delicately tracing the pictures. A blanket's draped around her. She looks so at peace with the world, engrossed in her book, escaping from this cruel, cruel world. She looks up and makes eye contact with me. Fuck. I retreat back out of the room and slam the door. Shit. I begin to run back down the stone-tiled hallway.

"Levi?" I hear her voice sound from behind me. I accelerate and jump around the corner. I lean against the wall my heart pounding more from pain than from the exercise. "Levi?" Y/N turns the corner as I slump down. Pathetic. Why am I letting my emotions get the better of me? Why am I feeling things I've never felt before? Why have I suddenly become this overwhelmed for the first time in my life? I've killed many things... titans. Humans... but I get emotional because of some stupid fucking brat. I'm so pathetic. I'm a fucking soldier. 'Don't get attached, they'll die' is my no'1 rule and I've fucking broken it more than I ever thought possible.

"Oh, Levi." She pulls me up and draped her blanket around my shoulders. She leads me back to the library and pushes me down onto a sofa. She sits next to me. I lean over and fall into her lap, looking up at her. My beautiful, beautiful Y/N. She's fucking ethereal. I wish I could tell her how I feel, but somehow, the only words that ever seem to come out of my mouth are sarcastic or pessimistic.

 _Make the most of this Levi._ I tell myself. _Make the most of the way she looks at you. Enjoy her presence. Enjoy her happiness. Enjoy simply existing with her... Before you have to break her heart. It's for the best._

She's reading her book again. The Strategies of the Original Scouts, again. She has an obsession with that book. I don't even remember those strategies being particularly efficient.

“So you’re joining Hanji’s squad?” I ask.

“Well with the huge numbers of scouts left we’re basically joining your squad.” She doesn't move her eyes from the book.

“Still hurt Y/N.”

“Jealous much?” She teases, looking down and meeting my gaze.

“Tch.”

...

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

Levi gets up. “Want some tea?” He passes me my blanket.

“Sure.” I stand up too and readjust the blanket around me so that only my feet are showing. My feet? Where the fuck are my boots? Where are my boots? Have I been mindlessly wandering around HQ without shoes on? Shit. Yeah, don’t step in any. I stumble after Levi, now completely aware of the cold stone tiles beneath my feet. Why the fuck did I remember a blanket but not my shoes? I suppose the extra inch lost from the heels just means Levi is less short compared to me.

What happened just now? Why did he run away from me? Why did he break down and slump against the wall? I want to tell him of my night-terror, but how can I when he’s clearly being troubled by something himself. He should be focused on himself only right now, I can’t trouble him with my problems. They’re my burden alone. He needs to focus on himself. I wish I knew what was bothering him. What happened in-between him seeing me at the wall and me arriving back? When I got back I went straight to bed and slept through the morning and most of the afternoon. I then visited Erwin, had dinner and went back to bed. What could have possibly happened in the space of a day?

Now I think about it, something was bothering him when he came to see me off. Why would he come to see me off? He knows that every day that we wake up could be one of ours’ last and he’s never done it before. So why was this mission different? Is it because he was injured? Did he feel that if something happened to me because he wasn’t on the mission to protect me…? Is he still scared to love because he knows that one day one of us won’t come home?

“So all those night-titans were from Connie’s village?” I ask Levi. It seems too impossible to believe that he's still scared to love.

“Unfortunately.” He grabs my hand and walks outside the door.

“So what we’ve come to understand now is that titans are just human beings. Perhaps they are trying to eat us so that somehow they’ll become like Eren and Ymir. Like a primal instinct within them. Eat humans to gain humanity.” I accidentally think out loud.

“What a wonderful thought Y/N.”

“I know right.” We walk around the corner to the kitchen. I’m so happy I brought a blanket. Lil cocoon of warmth. I say ‘Lil’ in dramatic irony.

Levi pours some water into the stove kettle and switches on the gas. I open the cupboard. All the mugs have been neatly arranged right at the back of the top shelf. Hanji probably thought it was hilarious. I think it's absolutely fucking hilarious too. Levi notices my amused pause and with a cold stare looks up at the cups. I grab one and promptly close the cupboard door. A small smirk toys at the edge of my lips. I walk to the other side of the room. I look at Levi in the reflection of the glass. He’s standing with his hands on his hips and is raising an eyebrow at me.

“I could easily kill you, you know?” He sticks his arm out and pulls the blanket off of me.

“Levi!” I screech, the cold night air hitting me. I feel terribly exposed in my nightclothes. Levi wraps the blanket around him. If I weren't mad at him, I’d say he looks adorable. My little smol bean. I swing my arm back to playfully slap him but he catches it mid-air smirking. He wrenches my arm towards him pulling my body in tow. I stare into his eyes. Our faces are but an inch away. I can see all the small slightly-fades scars all over his face. He leans up closer towards me.


	27. Night-time Adventures pt2 (mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Seggs. NSFW. Mature. Careless Whisper… You get the point

**_Warning. Seggs. NSFW. Mature. Careless Whisper…. You get the point_ **

**_(BTW in a world without plastic there obviously isn’t protection… please be careful and safe_ **

**_irl.)_ **

**_Levi’s POV_ **

I hear broken gasps as she takes me into the back of her throat. _I never want her to stop…_

I run my fingers through her hair and hold her head in place. Oh… Maria. Shit. She’s not wasting any time, not teasing me, shit. She knows. She just knows how to… I don’t waste any time either and before long I’m thrusting quickly, ruggedly, animalistically back into her. I hate this passionate clumsy side of me. Some soft moans escape my mouth as her tongue trails along my shaft. My fingers run along her muscles and then trail slowly along her jawline to the scar on her nape.

This bitch. I never want to leave her. I'm torn between the longing in my heart and the pessimistic selfishness in my head. I can't... I can't... But I can't push her off me either. I can't stop her. I want her. I need her. I need to feel every single part of her beside me. I need to feel the warmth of her gentle kisses for the rest of my life. Years to come I want to be clutching her close to me; killing titans side by side; coming home to her warmth after every mission.

She leans back towards me again, heightening my longing heartache. I feel her lips as they kiss my tip, her tongue swirling around it. She suddenly leans back, sensually sucking on her index and middle fingers. Fuck. I feel the cold air against me. I groan in frustration. She's torturing me now having been so compliant moments before. I yearn for her touch and so does my dick. It hardens some more raising towards her warmth. I look down into her eyes, they're filled with a beautiful, erotic glimmer. Her eyes seem to glow in my blurry lust-full vision. Her gaze is heavenly. I want her to see every part of me. I want to see every part of her. She's fucking ethereal. My fucking ethereal brat.

She deep throats me again and lifts her hands up and massages my inner thighs. I let out a strange sound, half-way through a crying moan and an animalistic growl. I don't want to ever stop. I know we should. But she's too perfect, too strong, too everything really...

And oh, I know I’m going to cum soon. Shit. I can’t hold it in with the way she refuses to break eye contact with me. Tears fall down her face as she gags slightly but quickly recovers, hollowing her cheeks the best she can around me. “Shit… Y/N. Y-You’re so fucking… oh… so good. Don’t stop… d-don’t… brat.” I look down into her eyes I can see the smirk in the creases at the edge. She knows how to make me like this. I hate her for it. I arch my back and grip harder on her hair pushing her further onto me. My hips rock into her warm mouth. I thrust quicker, and quicker, and quicker into her with no control over my body; only knowing the need for her.

My dick twitches before releasing. “Oh…oh... fuck” I moan. My eyes roll back. She chokes around me; I can feel the back of her wet throat tightening around my tip. I let go of her hair and feel my body go limp. She gasps. The sound makes me want to pick her up, turn her over and fuck her until she’s wrecked. My little brat.

I lift her up onto the kitchen table and hastily undo her ODM harnesses. But I’ve got no control over my body anymore. My fingers fumble embarrassingly at the straps. She reaches down and grabs my hands gently guiding them to the buckles and toggles. I stand in between her legs and wrap my arms around her waist. Her back involuntarily arches too. I feel her hands run down my back as we kiss. Her tongue runs along my bottom inner lip the way I like. I pull back and begin to kiss her neck knowing the red blemishes will arrive soon. “You’re mine brat,” I whisper into her ear before returning to her neck again. I feel my stomach flip and twirl in anticipation and frustration. I feel round two hardening.

I drag her to the edge of the table and pull off her trousers. She falls down against the table raising her legs and resting them around my hips. She reaches out and grabs my partly unbuttoned shirt. She pulls it and therefore me down so that I’m bent over her. I stare down at her completely intoxicated by her smell and that smirk toying on her lips. Dammit. Damn this bitch. Damn the way she has complete and utter control over me. Damn the fact that she probably knows it too…

Her fingers run up my arms. My skin tingles wonderfully at her playful touch. She cups my face in her right hand and brushes the skin under my left eye. A tear I didn’t even know was there is brushed away. “Fuck me.” She leans up and whispers in my ear before falling back down again.

I position myself at her already wet entrance, my hands massaging her thighs.

**_Y/N’S POV_ **

I gasp in pleasured exhilaration as he pushes into me. Levi lets out a small groan. My hands jerk out and grab the edge of the table, my knuckles already turning pale. Shit… he’s big. He’s driving me crazy. I’m driving him crazy. I gasp slightly in pain. I sense his raging pulse and laboured breath over me. He begins to steadily thrust letting us adjust to each other. His hands wrap around my waist as he leans down. His groans of relief are heaven to my ears.

Levi picks up speed. “H-harder… fuck. Harder.” I moan into his ear. Complying we both cry out in pleasure. Hopefully, no one else is awake to hear. I listen to the table creak as he hammers into me. I look up at him. His eyes are closed, his mouth slightly open, his head arched back. I release my grip on the table and grab his thighs pushing him further into me. I feel my inner walls clench around him.

“Oh…. Oh… y-you… y-you’re so t-tight.” He stutters. My eyes roll back and flutter in reaction. With every thrust, I realise I haven’t even taken him fully yet. My core aches already, but I want to be wrecked. I moan. I need more. I like the way I’ll have to order him to. The Captain under my command. My Captain Levi. I like that I’m the only one he would ever submit to like this. I like that I’m dominant and I love the fact that I know he hates it. Levi follows my wishes slamming aggressively into me. My fingernails dig into the skin on his back as both our minds cloud over with absolute longing.

I know I’m getting close. I sultrily groan as Levi hits my G-spot. His body moves back and forth over mine, his ragged breaths coming in contact with my sensitive neck with every thrust. I smirk listening to his small whimpering moans. “Ohhh!” His head tits forward onto my chest, his normally straight hair flopping in a messy ruggedly handsome pile on my chest. I can feel his thigh muscles and biceps straining sending shivers down my weak legs. I can feel him twitching inside me. I tighten. I’m getting close. A few sensual moments away kind of close.

My release trails down our legs as I let out one final climatic groan. I know he hasn’t cum again yet so I push him off me and onto the table – switching our positions. I push him back and wrap my fingers around him. I jerk him off, teasing him by doing it slowly. “Fuck you, Y/N.” Levi reaches down, wraps his fingers around mine and begins to messily guide my hand quickly up and down his shaft. He gasps as his legs begin to shake against the table. I feel the writhing of his pleasure and his tensing muscles under me. I double my speed.

“Fuck… I’m going to… I -I’m…” He shakily moans as he releases spurting his cum all over my hands. I pant and lean against his hot thighs. I stay there, resting in between his legs, catching my breath, feeling his little jerks of muscle fatigue. I slowly get up, get dressed and collapse onto a sofa. I look up at Levi. He's just lying there, his back on the table. He's stone-faced as usual but I can see the slight red tinge at the top of his nose. He runs a hand through his messy hair and sits up. He drags his body over to me using the edge of the table as support. He slumps down next to me. I lean over and snuggle into him. He lightly kisses the top of my forehead, wrapping his arms around me. Who'd have guessed that the cold and distant Captain Levi is a sub? I smile listening to his heartbeat as it slows down. I intertwine our fingers and let my body go limp. I shouldn't be worried about him being scared to love me. I feel myself drifting off wrapped peacefully in his warm embrace.

_Author's Note_

_I am literally so fucking embarrassed. Just reading back on this the next day from when I wrote it. Omg. How the fuck do these words come out of my sleep-deprived head? Omg if my friends and family knew......._

_I'm literally so embarrassed but at the same time, I still continue writing it._

_Night time maladaptive daydreaming hits different, eh?_


	28. Season 3 - The Murder of Pastor Nick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 3. The cottage. The suspicious Murder of Nick and going on the run from the law.

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning murder_ **

"Hey Eren, get up... stop laxing. The future of humanity doesn't depend on you are anything. Get up damn you!" Hanji screams down from where we stand.

We'd finally arrived at this small strange cottage. Within moments Sasha had flown out of the door being followed by Jean baring his fist. She had run up to me and sneakily handed me a bag of potato contraband before Jean had tackled her to the ground. I had walked back inside the cottage being greeted with a chorus of whining about cleaning. A few lecturing, snide remarks from Levi had sounded from the other room. Hanji had then dragged me to this open field for 'EXPERIMENT TIME'.

Unfortunately, for Eren, 'experiment time' isn't going too great. And by that I mean, it's absolute shit. Eren's latest titan form isn't even 10m and everything from the waist down is shrivelled skin and bone like a decaying corpse.

"Plus Eren's ass is hanging out..." Levi snidely summarises.

"Eren... give us a signal or something! Get up! C'mon." Hanji chaotically dances around barring their teeth and slashing at thin air with their blades.

"EREH," Mikasa screams jumping off her horse impulsively and dashing over to Eren. Hanji chucks Moblit a pile of papers before ODMing down. Moblit more sensibility hands them to me and follows Hanji as I stare him down bemused irritation.

"Don't think of passing those sheets on to me brat..." Levi follows the others down to Eren. I now stand alone at the top of a hill. Do I fucking look like a shelf to you Hanji? I've killed fucking titans without ODM and I become the fucking backpack girl. What about the rest of the Squad?

I ODM down as Hanji pulls Eren out of his titan. "Oooooooooo!!!!" They chaotically scream and shake with excitement. "Look at his face Moblit. Sketch his face." Eren's face is completely disfigured and has titan ligament and muscle hanging out of his eye sockets. 'What a pleasant sight.' I sarcastically think.

"S-Section commander! Are you lacking in human empathy?" Moblit grabs the papers from my hands and the pencil from beyond his ear. Hanji slightly bows their head at Mikasa in apology.

"Strategically speaking, its a sound plan. Whether we are grasping at straws or not, depends entirely on Eren." I hear Levi tell Armin behind us. The rest of my squad stand next to me, muttering about how they at least don't have to listen to the cannibalism story. I think that traumatised Sasha more than seeing titans.

Hanji gives the call for the end of the experiment. Now we ride back to Trost. Time to tell Commander Erwin that we have made absolutely no progression; at all. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

Very.

...

We're sat at a table in Commander Erwin's quarters. I feel terribly, terribly out of place sitting awkward in-between Hanji and Moblit. Not only am I younger, less experienced and probably significantly less in everything; these guys are close like Sasha, Connie, Jean and I. It feels like an intrusion of their friendship.

Luckily, the sun was already setting by the time we arrived so after a potato dinner, the light from a small gas lamp is all there is illuminating this room. That means my shadowy glowering face can be explained by the dim light. To distract my attention from the awkwardness, I look around the room. Erwin, unsurprisingly, has a lot of books. And I mean A LOT.

"Another failure then... if the plan had worked out, we could have plugged Shiganshina in one day. I guess we hoped too quickly, we should have known that life is never that easy." Erwin says a pessimistic tone in his voice, contradicting the usual hopeful determination.

"Well it's not like one of your bloody books here has an in-depth analysis and guide to hardening titan skin..." Levi mutters. "But we have Historia Reiss," Levi speaks more clearly now. If they do anything to Historia I just know Ymir will come back from wherever the hell she is and end them before they can lift a finger.

Erwin stares directly at me, scrutinizing my face. It's almost like he's deciding whether I really should be here or not. He nods slightly and opens his mouth to speak. "I read the report on her childhood. It's not a happy story. Y/N, what has she told you?" And there it is, the question of whether I'm staying or not. The answer depends on mine.

"Her name is all. But I'm not completely dense. I know she's the illegitimate daughter of Lord Reiss, shipped off to the military in the hopes that she'll die before she can pose a threat to their name and facade."

"Huh..." Erwin raises an eyebrow at me. Is he shocked? Impressed? Becoming aware of new information that wasn't in the report? Why is he so hard to read? Well, he's the fucking commander for a reason, I answer my own question. "But the real mystery is why the church fears a mere regional lord and why does said mere regional lord know the true secrets of the walls."

Hanji, Moblit and I leave Levi and Erwin pondering all their strange secrets. Levi's going back to the cottage at dawn but I'm staying in Trost with Hanji-squad. Hanji wants to meet up with Pastor Nick again. I don't really care though, anything beats cleaning with Captain Clean.

I wander back into my old dorm. It's completely empty now. Hanji had offered me the small room next to theirs, but it wouldn't be the same. This strange dorm has been our bedroom since leaving trainee Corps. 6 bunks, 6 of us. Sasha, Historia, Ymir, Mikasa, Annie and I. One by one the beds have slowly emptied. Now it's just me. Alone. Reminiscing in memories. Hanji and Moblit are like elder siblings to me, but they're not the same as my friends. Instead of going on my usual bottom bunk, I climb up the small ladder to Sasha's bed.

'Sentimental'. I scowl at myself. But I don't move back down. Despite the fact that these sheets have been cleaned and the beds completely empty for a while, I like to imagine Sasha's smell still lingering. I haven't spent a night in Trost without her ever before. I feel myself beginning to drift off.

The door slowly creeps open. I shoot up banging my head against the ceiling. Fuck! Have I not learned? I rub my head as a voice sounds. "You just had to pick the top bunk then brat?.. tch." I hear the sound of footsteps against the ladder. Levi crawls in next to me. He wraps his arms around me and I hug him tightly. He begins to say some stuff, but I'm too tired to listen.

...

**Levi's POV**

My eyes shoot awake. Y/N. She's not here. I reach out and touch the sheets. They've gone cold. I must have fallen asleep longer than I should, finally permitting my body some kip lying next to her. She'd been asleep for about an hour before my eyelids started to droop. I must have had at least three or four hours. I get off the bunk to go look for her. Why on earth would she choose to sleep in her old dorm and not a proper bedroom?

I sneak down the corridor, I think I'm hearing small cries from somewhere. I stop outside the girl's bathroom. The crying is coming from in there.

_Do I go in?_

  * _No that's creepy._



_But what if she's hurt?_

  * _She'll come out when she's ready_



I think back to what Erwin told me and my decision to break it off with Y/N. I can't... I have to... I don't want to... It's better for the both of us. I'm headed back to Trost in a couple of hours and Y/N’S staying with Hanji squad here. That will create the distance needed to begin this. It'll save me the pain later on when she's dead. I'm glad she joined Hanji-Squad. If she was with me, I wouldn't be able to have the strength to do this. I wouldn't be able to think about the inevitable future.

**Y/N’S POV**

About an hour of crying from pain and crying about forgetting which way I should massage my stomach I exit the bathroom.

"Your shit not come out then?" Levi snarkily mutters from the shadows. His arms are crossed and he's leaning against the wall.

"No, I'm internally bleeding." I snap back. Why do I feel so angry? Levi grabs my arm and begins to drag me down the corridor towards Medbay. I begin to laugh hysterically. Why am I laughing? I was furious barely seconds ago. I pull my arm back and lean down panting. The pants quickly turn from humour to pain. This is not a good position.

I suddenly find myself being flung into the air and over Levi's shoulder. He carries me back to the dorm and pushes me back into bed. He runs his fingers through my hair as I move so my head's resting on his chest...

...

"AZARRRRRIIIII!!!!!" Somebody hammers on the door. I sit up and bang my head against the ceiling. I'm never sleeping top bunk ever again. The door slams open. Hanji towers there, eyes blaring. "Pastor Nick has been murdered!" They pant and them slam the door shut. That's a good wake up call. The space next to me on the bed is empty. Levi must have already left Trost.

I slip on my uniform and run down to the entrance. "In the Trost Barracks," Hanji screams at me before throwing a stack of paperwork at Moblit and running off. We follow suit...

"You'll disrupt the crime scene you meddling scouts. Get back to not killing titans." An MP pushes Hanji away from the door using the edge of their gun.

"It's another robbery-murder. We've been getting a lot of those recently." The other MP says.

"W-what?... I-I." Hanji stutters basically saying 'robbery-murder my ass' "His nails were torn

off..."

The MP grabs Hanji's jacked and peers down at them. Out of nowhere Moblit grabs the MPs's hand and rips it off Hanji's jacket with a look in his eyes saying either 'you don't want to fuck with me' or 'you don't want to fuck with them'. I guess it's both.

"That is Section Commander Hanji Zoe and I am vice-commander Moblit Berner." His tone is sharp and ordering. Respect.

"Your ranks mean nothing when your branch is the trash that it is". The MP replies. Ha, that's rich coming from you, you corrupt pig. "Listen, there's no titan. A person killed another person. This. Is. Out. Of. Your. League." The MP tries to sound patronising and condescending, but this is Hanji we're talking about. Hanji is not quaking in their boots right now. Hanji tells cannibalistic bedtime stories to titans. For fun. Good luck condescending them.

"First interior squad?" Hanji asks. I'm guessing that's not good.

"What's the Capital's Military Police doing down in Trost?" Moblit asks as the MP stands back in shock. He's not good at hiding his emotions even though he clearly thinks he is. Historia is the obvious answer to Moblit's answer. Pastor Nick knew about Historia and whatever else the secret contains, but did his murderer know too? Was Nick killed to protect the info or to gain the info?

"Oh... yeah... we scouts are worthless really. We're so lucky to have First interior MPs on this case. We'll rest easy tonight, I have no doubt you'll find the murderer." Hanji is obviously toying with them. Why though? "Poor Uncle Nick... why would someone try and rob him." Hanji lets out an obvious fake sob.

"Church trinkets are usually made with valuable iron. It's common for them to be taken."

"Huh? Uncle Nick was part of the wall church? I thought he was a carpenter... so, my uncle Nick has been lying to me this whole time. But WHY?" Hanji rubs their eyes melodramatically. "Hanji. Let's go." Moblit tugs at her jacket.

"We good luck with the investigation... upon finding the culprit please relay this message-". Hanji begins to sprout some strangely overly-detailed gory descriptions of what they'll do to the murderer when they find him. Lovely. Armin has spent to much time with Hanji plotting murders. "Pass that along. We'll be going."

Hanji grabs my arm and drags me back down the corridor. I look back. The MPs look completely suspicious.

"Hanji, do you think they-?"

"Yes. Nick was tortured by the interior military police. The skin on his knuckles was recently split.

There were clumps of freshly dried blood. Then they murdered Nick." Hanji solemnly tells us.

How did they notice that small detail? Woah.

...

We arrive back at the cottage. Levi's horse is grazing nearby. I wake to Mikasa and Connie in the lookout stands. Mikasa screams our arrival. I leave my horse grazing in the field and walk inside.

"Pastor Nick was murdered..." Hanji dramatically pauses. "By the first interior military police." I watch my friend's faces all change in shock.

"Huh?" Connie says.

"I figure the Church would want to kill Nick since he was coordinating with us. I reckon they figured that we had been told about Historia and wanted to kill him before he took the liberty to tell us more. Or they didn't know about Historia and wanted to get him to divulge more. That's why I changed his identity and hid him. I thought if he went into hiding they wouldn't be bothered to trace him down. Thus showing whatever their secret is has to be protected at all costs."

I sit at the table, Sasha passes me a cup of tea."If it was first interior police and not just some normal MP, it means there's something more behind not just why but who." Levi speculates. "First interior's order usually comes from the top brass in the church or the King himself... How many fingernails did Nick have ripped off?"

"Huh? Um... all that I could see," Hanji replies.

"People that talk, talk after one or two. Anymore won't make a difference. They have no idea we know about the Reiss family. They think that Historia is just Christa to us.

The door opens. "A message from Commander Erwin." The scout hands Levi a paper. His eyes widen as he reads it.

"Everyone, out! We're leaving. Quickly! Leave no trace. None! Snap too." He stands up. We all follow and scatter around the cottage. I run after Sasha, obviously to the kitchen where we begin to shove all the food into some bags.

...

We got out just in time. I look down the valley at the cottage, the familiar glow of many torches are dotted around the place. My horse nuzzles into my shoulder.

"New orders directly from the government. There has been a freeze on all Survey corps activity outside the walls. They're telling us to hand over Eren and Historia." Levi informs us.

'By the way, right after he gave me the message the MPs came for Erwin."

"They're treating him like some kind of criminal?!" Hanji prances on the spot in frustration.

"Someone's not working from the shadows anymore. They're moving in the open." Levi dramatically mutters.

"And going to extreme lengths to protect the Walls Secrets," I add.

"We're moving to Trost. In the frenzy, it should be easy to slip in. It's easy to use ODM if necessary too. Plus not knowing the enemy puts us in a tough spot so why not know the terrain. Choose the battlefield. We need to find out who the real enemy is... Hanji, lend me your squad."

"Sure. I'm going after Erwin. Moblit." Hanji is about to mount their horse when Eren hands them a slip of paper. The transcript to a conversation between Ymir and Bertholdt? Interesting. Me and the rest of Hanji-Squad whose names no one bad time or botherment to tell me awkwardly stand as Hanji and Moblit ride off into the night.


	29. The Second Kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 'Doubles' plan to trick the Mps goes horribly wrong due to the unfortunate arrival of a certain  
> "KENNNNEEEYYY".  
> (Yes I know you heard Levi's voice in your head."

**_Y/N’S POV. Warning torture_ **

Church bells resonate from every corner. Something's happening here today. Excellent for sneaking into Trost and deploying the doubles. Unfortunately, it also favours the enemy. Huge crowds on the streets mean it’s easy for them to sneak about too. I notice the royal flag hanging from every corner too. Of course, it’s the anniversary of the King's Coronation. I continue walking down the cobbled streets my friends in tow. People push past us towards the Market Square.

"Extra rations..."

"Look, they're handing out extras."

"I don't even look like Eren.'" I hear Jean mutter behind me. Unfortunately for Jean, he does.

"Shut it, Jean." Armin lightly jokes. "I suppose I've got my own hair to blame though. Never have enough free time to cut it."

"Well, I think you'd make a very good Chri- Historia. You'd know what to say to sound like her." Sasha encouragingly murmurs between mouthfuls of bread.

"Thanks, Sasha." Armin quietly replies. I don't think he sees the appeal of being kidnapped so that Historia isn't. To be fair, I don't think anyone would. Mikasa would. But only for Eren and Mikasa doesn't look like Eren so.

We continue walking down the street. I hand Sasha my lunch portion of bread. I’m to stressed to eat right now. There are too many unanswered questions. Too many. I think back to trainee corps.

So many of us are important in some strange way. It’s slightly unnerving how no one from the 103 Corps or the 102 Corps and so on are not humans that can turn into titans, secretly Princesses or inhumanly skilled like Mikasa and I. In fact, I reckon Jean and Armin are the only relatively normal ones. Actually, Armin’s like an expert psychological manipulator, so maybe Jean is the only ‘normal’ one. _(You just know Jean and Sokka from A:TLA would be best friends)_

... 

"Y/N?" A familiar voice sounds from the crowd.

"Hey?" I turn and face one of my old friends from Shiganshina. She might be shorter than Levi, and that's saying something.

"So, you've taken being a criminal to the next level then?" She isn't joking by the tone of her voice. Has she been manipulated by the MP's bloody propaganda? She’s smart enough to see past their lies. Is she choosing to deceive herself then? Her attitude doesn’t make much sense.

"Y/N!" Levi snaps. I raise my middle finger at him and ignore him. This prompts Jean to begin hitting my arm, he's totally quaking in his boots. He's probably more scared of Levi than titans.

"Have you seen anyone else from Shiganshina recently?"

"Heh? Like I give a shit about them?"

"Hey!"

She snarls, turns away from me and is absorbed back into the crowd. What on earth is she talking about? Ari?

"Y/N! Family drama is not the mission here. Get over it." Levi snaps. I stare at him. I know he's a naturally cold person, but this? That's just downright rude. I might never see my sister again. He has a point though. My friend has disappeared with any answers in tow, and Historia and Eren are the mission. I roll my eyes and take my place standing next to Jean again.

...

Sure enough, like planned, a cart bursts around the corner and grabs ‘Historia’ and ‘Eren’ throwing them into the cart. Sasha dramatically cries after them. In the chaos, I must have been thrown to the ground because somehow, I'm on the floor separated from the group by some Trost folk. I make to stand up, but I feel something whack against my head.

What the? -

...

**Levi's POV**

I knew it. I knew there could come a day where Y/N would get in trouble and I wouldn't be there to save her. Usually, I would have utter faith in her, but this is Kenny. My Kenny. And if he's working with the MP bastards then that means it's also her Uncle Alcott. She might not be able to survive both of them if they are working together. Damn my feeble heart.

She’s only gone and gotten herself fucking kidnapped. That brat. She sure likes to get into the heat of the action by putting herself in danger. There was:

  1. The Wall at Trost.
  2. At Eren’s tribunal where she was first kidnapped for ‘information’.
  3. Being swallowed by a titan to save Armin on the Female titan mission.
  4. Sneaking into the Underground for the easiest passage to Annie’s crystal.
  5. Now…



The list just seems to go on. And every time, I’m there:

  1. I killed those titans to protect her body.
  2. I rescued her and we fought those MPs together.
  3. She tricked me into thinking she died.
  4. I followed her to the Underground.
  5. And now we’re about to torture a human being to find their location.



She’s such a liability. How has she survived this far? But then I would follow her everywhere, even outside the walls, to get her out of trouble. Dammit! I knew I should have broken things off. Why did I let things between us go this far? I can't live without her, but I also can't live with her. What happens if she really does die? And her death isn't even going to be from fighting titans or protecting her comrades or protecting humanity...

What am I talking about? They wouldn't have killed her just yet. And we've had no news of any corpse so... She's alive. She has to be. Just be content with the knowledge that she's alive. That's everything isn't it? To a scout? Our payment and reward are in days alive.

They've also captured Eren and Historia. To top of the list of things that are pissing me off right now, this MP pig won't talk. With some easy persuasion to Dino Reeves (whose self-interests are questionable but service to the people is honourable), we'd captured him and now he won’t talk. Fate’s a fucking fickle bitch. Can’t we just catch a break from this cruel world once in a while?

"You know I'm fairly new to human torture..." I manipulate my grin at the squirming brat. "I am not aware of the boundaries the human body can be pushed yet. I guess this is a chance to find out. You don't mind if I cut off all your fingers and toes one by one, do you?" I punch the MP breaking his nose. Oops. Too hard, too early. Still, first impressions count. I'm going to make them pay for taking Eren, Historia and most importantly Y/N.

Hanji bursts into the room, adorning an apron. "Ha-Ha!" A slightly scary, creepy chaotic light has filled their eyes, and, in the half-light, their teeth seem to glow. They hold up some pliers with a menacing cackle.

"Why did you take them? Why are Historia Reiss, Eren Yeager and Y/N?" Hanji traces the pliers along the MPs cheekbones.

...

"Do you not wonder why war never broke out? It's because the first-interior squad dirtied out hands to keep the King's bloody peace. Humanity has only made it this far because we erased them from history!" The MP shouts. Dramatic much? Literally, shut the fuck up. You don't think we already know this?

"You're monsters. But I have the King and the peace. Our actions were justified. Go on, torture me to death. It's all I ever did to those people." I hadn’t even begun to properly torture him yet, compared to what Hanji’s report said about Pastor Nick. And I thought he was an unsociable, selfish, conceited prick. Compared to this MP’s sob-story, Pastor Nick looks like a ray of sunshine.

"Time for a break," I say, turning and walking out of the room. I'm beginning to get impatient. He's not giving us any answers and might not be soon. Dammit. What do they want with Y/N and Historia? According to Hanji, they want to 'eat' Eren... so that purpose is clear. I guess Y/N did stab her Uncle but why would they send Kenny's gang after her? And Historia? What the hell does the Reiss family have to do with the King or the Walls?

Time to get the other MP - Ralph. By getting him to read off a script pretending that he talked, maybe we can get Sannes to talk too.

...

**Y/N’S POV**

My eyes slowly flutter open. What happened? Never mind that, my head hurts like bloody hell. Am I dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. I never seem able to die.

I become aware of my arms. They're tried behind me back. Oof too tight. Might have lost circulation in my hands. Great. My mouth has been forced shut with some sort of muzzle too. Damn. What a comfortable position. I look around the room and lock eyes with Eren. He seems like he's about to explode with anger. So, a typical day in his eyes.

This old bald dude is hugging Historia. Get your hands off her you filthy- oh. That's Lord Reiss.

Her father. Still, get your hands off her!

"You're special my sweet Historia. You're of royal blood." Lord Reiss says. That's not creepy at all. Makes sense though, he is a Lord after all. I watch as a tear flows from Historia's left eye. I can't see her other one from this angle but I'm presuming tears are coming from there too. Poor Historia.

This has all been too much for her. And now finding out she's royal... bloody hell.

"Our family are the true heirs to the throne. And because of this, you are the only one who can save humanity." Reiss softly says. 'Eren's quaking of jealousy over there', I sarcastically think.

_Damn, I must have got knocked out bad._

_\- well no shit. You were unconscious after all._

_Shut up brain._

"Alcott wants to see this one first. You can take Eren to the chamber." I hear someone whisper to Reiss. Someone drags me up.

The 'chamber' that sounds particularly ominous.

"Wait- Y/N?.. Father?" I hear Historia gently cry as the door is slammed shut behind me. Someone puts a blindfold over my eyes and begins to drag me down the corridor by my arm. I don't care though; I have an excellent sense of smell...

The funny thing is that I do not have an excellent sense of smell. Mike must have absorbed the power of my nose when he sniffed me that one time. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN? Blame it on the concussion. Blame it on the concussion.

I'm so disorientated and having a throbbing head doesn't really help. What's worse is that Historia could have manipulated for my safety if it was just Lord Reiss, he just seems happy to be with his daughter. But with Alcott? I stabbed the bastard last time I saw him. Back when I didn't want to kill another human. Back when I thought titans were the only enemy. Now my Uncle and a mass murderer are best friends.

I guess I'm happy for them??????

Aaaaagggghrhhlkwjgbuvivjfej

Damn, where's Levi? I would have thought he'd blown open the front door by now. Unless Kenny and Levi are having a casual chit-chat over tea. (*c _ue* Kennnnyyy)_

Sounds like something Levi would do. 'Sips. Slits. Sips.' Slits being on the throat. I lowkey want him to murder me again. WHAT AM I THINKING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?

Just blame it on the concussion.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE FUCKING CONCUSSION!

_Shut up brain._

...

"Well. Well. Well." Alcott slowly spits. "What a pleasant surprise. My lovely niece." Someone pulls back my blindfold and removes the gag. Alcott is sat down on a chair.

"Looking mobile for someone who was stabbed." I snap back. Moblit. Hanji? Where even are they?

"I see you visited Arun..." Alcott holds up my trident ignoring my comment. "He died so easily. I was rather disappointed. But then again, I may have made the cut too deep in my anger." "You sick bastard." Arun? He's... d-dead? No. He can't be. My cousin? Arun?

"Now, now. Is that how you speak to your family?" Alcott tuts.

"You can't say much, you murder yours." I retort.

"I feel no guilt over Adrien. His death was his own fault. As for Arun. He reminded me too much of Adrien, so it was just like I was killing Adrien again. Therefore, no guilt was felt. And for you... I'll kill the rest of your family first, then your friends and then that Levi who tried to rescue you."

"Ha. Levi?" Someone speaks from the shadows in the corner behind me. They emerge flicking the rim of their hat. "That brat actually made friends. My, my..." I look directly into the eyes of someone. Kenny the Ripper.

KENNY THE RIPPER????!!

Holy Maria, Rose and Sina. Levi actually knows Kenny. Levi knows Kenny is the one who killed

Erwin's father. Levi must have known Kenny from the underground, from his mysterious past. Is Kenny the reason why he had to try and assassinate Erwin for safety? Shit. Shit. Shit.

"How did you meet that short brat?" Kenny leans down and peers at me. I'm too brain-damaged to be scared. I know I should be scared. Why aren't I scared? If I'm not scared, then my fight or flight won't kick in and I can't zoom out of here. "Tch... Any time..."

"I... uh... went to the definitely still standing, not illegal Wall-Church Library in Trost and I, uh. got a book with legal membership. That was got, legally. And then I ran outside with my legally borrowed book and bumped into Levi."

"And you did this... legally?"

"Um... yeah?"

"Ah! A thieving child." Kenny smiles which is really creepy. "I can see why Levi really likes you." What did he say? I blink in shock. Kenny grunts and nods his head in a strange type of approval. I don't like this. Why is he approving me? He goes and stands in the corner of the room in the shadows again.

How'd he know that Levi likes me? It's not like I'm wearing his cloak or anything. Did Levi and Kenny actually have a casual conversation over tea? I'd imagine it going something like:

L _: Hey you're a mass murderer._

_K: And you're a mass murderer_

_L: Ignoring the things we kill, we're so similar._

_K: And we share an obsession with tea and cleaning._

_L: Let's bond over being mass murders <3._

Who am I kidding? Kenny doesn't look like he's had a shower or a bath in years. Probably got musty dried blood under his toenails. What a wonderful image.

"Now... I have to return you to Lord Reiss. Who knows what he wants with you? I'll see you again Y/N... at little Sasha's funeral?"


	30. The Reiss Chapel pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more of Levi's backstory from Kenny.  
> Escaping captivity.  
> Fighting Levi
> 
> "So you'd prefer for me to not escape and stay tied up in the chamber being a scared little girl for you to come rescue? Get a grip on your insecurities, Levi! I can take care of myself." Told you y/n isn't a 'persecuted gothic maiden'

**_Y/N’S POV. Small-time skip. Y/N, Eren and Historia have been moved to the Reiss family chapel._ **

I'm tied up against a pillar in this crystalline chamber. I'm 101% sure that the walls are made up of the same material as Annie's titan skin- crystal thing. I'm sat on a wooden platform looking down over the chamber. I don't even remember how I got here, but my head is throbbing again. Someone must have hit the back of my head again. They've also removed the gag and blindfold so I guess there are some benefits. Kenny is slightly condescendingly leaning against the pillar on the platform next to me. It probably would be futile to attempt to push him off. And even if he did fall, he's got ODM.

"You know, it was pretty funny when Alcott and I started working together again. When he told me what happened that day, I couldn't quite believe it. Ha. I shot his brother twice by accident. I was probably drunk or something. Then he told me how you stabbed him after that little Levi runt arrived."

"Kenny dude, I literally don't care... I was there for Maria's sake."

"Ha. Feisty, eh? You'd make a good member of my squad you know. It's safer than the scouts."

"I've already been inside a titan, I'm kinda desensitized to all that shit." I refuse to look up to Kenny, I'll leave him pondering about how I survived being swallowed. 

"I practically raised him you know. Levi. Breaks my old heart that he'll always say he only 'lived with me for a while' in the underground. Truth be told, that little runt learned everything from me." Kenny doesn't seem at all bothered by my unnatural survival skills. Wait? Did he say that he raised Levi?

"You're Levi's father?" I look up to Kenny. What. The. Actual. Fuck. This is the worst 'meet the parents' in recorded history considering I've been kidnapped.

"Me? No!" Kenny scoffs. Thank Maria. "I wasn't made to be a father. Besides, that little shit turned out ok. A little malnourished. A little short. But alive, eh?"

"I guess that's a lot in terms of humanity."

"Tch." Kenny scoffs light-heartedly. Did Levi pick up his 'tch' from Kenny when he was a kid? My heart...

After vibing in silence for a while, Kenny ODMs down and one of his minions takes place next to me, guarding me. I might have a better chance of pushing him off the platform.

I peer down into the chamber. Eren is chained up at the centre of a crystalline podium. Wouldn't want to be in his position. From what I've overheard, Eren is going to be eaten by someone for them to gain his titan powers. That someone is probably Historia judging by the sudden spontaneous increase in paternal affection from Lord Reiss. My guard hands me a piece of newspaper. I was not expecting that.

So the general public's found out that Lord Reiss is the true king? Looks like the scouts are cleared off all charges too. Wait a minute! That means Historia is a full-on princess. Ha. If only Ymir was here. But then Historia's always been a Queen in her eyes. Historia hasn't smiled since that day. If Ymir's still alive, we have to find her. It's unlikely that she is, but I reckon if Ymir knew that she would marry a princess and eventually become Queen, she would come back from the dead. Truth be told, Ymir would probably come back from the grave just to Marry Historia.

So if Historia has to casually eat Eren to gain his titan powers, then who did Eren have to eat? Do I even want to know the answer to that? And when did he eat them? It's not like he would have had any chance to during Trainee Corps, so it must have been around the time Shiganshina and Maria fell. I look at the binding on my feet. It doesn't look too hard to untie. I just have to avoid the attention of my guard. Somehow. If he's been handpicked by Kenny then untying myself will probably not go unnoticed. Dammit!

Thankfully the guard ODMs off to another pillar. I suppose they're not expecting me to be able to untie myself. I quickly slip the knots loose and pull them off my legs using my elbows. Having my hands bound is not fun. I use my feet and my hands the best I can to tie a noose. So the only knot I ironically know how to properly do because I slept during that part of trainee corps. I slip the noose over the support beams of the wooden platform. RIP the skin on my hands I guess. I'm going to have to slip down using my knees as best as possible avoiding rope burn.

Historia enters the chapel dressed in white and walks up to Eren. Lord Reiss follows suit and holds Historia's hand out to touch Eren's shoulder. What the fuck? Some kind of initiation, traditional occult ritual eh? I watch as Kenny struts up to Lord Reiss. He's distracted, go. I scramble off the platform and make sure my knees and legs are wound around the rope properly before letting go of the wood. My hands grasp at the rope. I begin to slowly shuffle my way down. At the bottom, I hide behind the pillar.

My eyes widen in shock listening to what Lord Reiss is telling Historia about Eren's father. Damn. I guess the joy of being a princess doesn't last for her. Maria, universe. Give her a fucking break.

It seems fate's on my side at the moment, the chamber door is opening. Kenny's second in command walks in and ODMs up to the platforms. Levi must be here. I run to the chamber door and slide it open. Thank Maria, Rose and Sina that it's a quiet door. I run down the corridor feeling like a titan because I have no idea what to do with my hands. I'm not even going to try and undo these bindings because the options are with either my feet or my teeth and this disgusting rope ain't going in my mouth. I turn the final corner in the crystal tunnel. I really didn't think this through. How the fuck am I supposed to climb up a rock ladder with bound hands and against the natural forces of falling. ( _In a world without Newton, there is no theory of gravity) ._

Somehow. Somehow, I have made it to the top. My elbows are scraped and scratched though. It took absolutely forever having to slowly climb up every stair foot by foot like a fucking toddler.

I hear Levi's voice sounding from beyond the hatch. I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear his voice. I'm so happy I might just let him shout at me about my incompetent cleaning abilities.

"Are you all ready? We're about to dirty our hands. No going back now." He says.

I lift the top of the hatch slightly using the side of my head and my right shoulder in a range obscure contorted position like one of Bertholdt's sleeping positions. Levi and co are huddled around a set of modified barrels. I see Sasha sat opposite me. How did she not hear me coming? Climbing up was arduous work. In answer to my question Sasha lifts her head and locks eyes with me. She winks.

"What the fuck Sasha?" Jean angrily whispers. "Winking at the darkness? You weirdo..." "I had something in my eye." Sasha innocently replies.

"Shut it!" Levi snaps before whispering again. I lift the hatch and completely lift myself out. Sasha nudges Connie who stares at me. His eyes widen further in realisation as I prepare for a surprise attack.

"Anyone got a knife?" I casually ask. Levi is suddenly in front of me. What the-?

My body recoils back.

Ow! That brat. He might have full-on broken my nose. I'm never surprising him again. Hanji thankfully catches my fall and hands me a handkerchief. I begin to wipe at my nosebleed slightly aggressively. Sasha, Connie and Levi all stare in shock. Levi's got some weird reflexes. I suppose they thought I was one of Kenny's people.

"Where's Eren?" Mikasa jumps around Hanji and peers intently into my face. I drop the handkerchief, a little bit of blood isn't going to hurt anyone.

"Chained up. Not eaten yet, though. Historia's there too. Someone should talk to her, Eren's father kinda ate all her five siblings. There was something about titan powers of forcing people to forget too."

"Kenny?" Hanji asks.

"Yup. And his gang. Oh, and the chamber is made up of the same material as Annie's crystal, but slightly weaker. You can hammer things into it. Meaning that the strength of the crystal can be altered depending on the application."

Levi begins to dap at my nose with a new handkerchief catching me by surprise. Catching everyone by surprise apparently. "I am not letting your blood dirty Hanji's barrels, brat!" Not even an apology? What the fuck has happened to him recently?

"Well if you hadn't fucking broken my nose, it wouldn't be bleeding!" I snap.

"And if you hadn't snuck up on us like that, I wouldn't have been surprised and broken your nose!" He hisses through his gritted teeth. His jaw is clenched.

"So you'd prefer for me to not escape and stay tied up in the chamber being a scared little girl for you to come rescue? Get a grip on your insecurities, Levi! I can take care of myself."

"Shut it!" Hanji angrily whispers. "We have bigger things to worry about."

**Levi's POV**

' _Get a grip on your insecurities, Levi! I can take care of myself.'_

I sit by the blueprint of the Reiss Chapel, running my hands through my hair. I rub my temples. Dammit! Why'd she have to say something so horribly true like that? This whole time I've been moping around, trying to break things off to 'spare myself the heartbreak and pain' if she died, if I wasn't there to save her'. I shouldn't have been to caught up in that. I now know don't need to be there to save her because she'll save herself. She's a fucking scout, a soldier, a protector of humanity. An independent, badass woman. I look up to apologise to her, but she's furiously chatting to Sasha and Connie. I'll tell her afterwards.

Hanji sits down next to me. "So you gonna tell me what that was about?" "I don't think so," I reply.

"I'm sure Y/N will tell me later anyways." Is the only light-hearted reply. "But still, some advice from an old friend... trying to push her away to protect her won't work. She's a fighter, so she'll fight for you. Fate and death grant few scouts enough time to find love. Just kiss her already and move on."

"Tch."

Hanji stands up. "It's time. Let's go stop someone from being eaten."


	31. The Reiss Chapel pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Reiss licks the floor in an act of impulse (Levi is disgusted by the unsanitary floor more than he is shocked).  
> Riding to Orvud to prepare for Lord Reiss's titan  
> And some fluff

**Y/N’S POV**

I slam open the chamber doors again. Throwing a gunpowder barrel in, I peer around the corner as the barrels roll down the spiralling staircase to the floor. Levi kicks open the other door as Sasha jumps into the air releasing a fire arrow at the barrels.

The black smoke quickly engulfs the chamber. I fire an ODM hook at one of the wooden platforms. It was pretty funny when Sasha told me there was a spare in the cart's footlocker.

Strangely convenient. Armin fires a green smoke signal in my direction as I flip around in the air.

Kenny's gang won't be able to see us coming. Literally.

"35 enemies!" Levi shouts. I swing in the shadows underneath the platform.

"Diverge. Take them out one at a time!" Someone screams. According to Armin, the anti-personals' gear has been designed so that they have to fire their hooks and their guns in the same direction. This thus ironically leaves their napes exposed to attacks from behind. The two gang-MPs above me ODM down. I follow in hot pursuit.

I've never killed anyone.

Slash.

Two bodies fall to the ground. When did titans stop becoming the true enemy? Those 'good' old days. I'm talking as if they weren't even months ago. Killing living things was easier to desensitise and dehumanise then.

Sasha fires the last smoke barrel.

I peer through some clearing smoke. Kenny and Levi are fighting. I wish Sasha had brought some potatoes. This would have been exhilarating to watch under different circumstances. I notice someone familiar falling. Hanji!? I ODM down and grab their body breaking the fall. Hanji?

I daren't look at their face. I can't. If it's been smashed in by collision from these crystals, I can't look. There's a chance they're still alive though. I look up as Kenny's second in command orders regroup. The rest of Kenny's gang retreat further into the chamber. I look around. It looks like no one else is dead.

I place my fingers on Hanji's neck. There's a pulse! Thank Maria. They've just been simply knocked out. I drag them up and wrap one arm around my shoulders. Moblit appears and lifts Hanji's other arm. Together we shuffle further into the cavern after Kenny.

In the next section where Eren and Historia are, they've put up some kind of net barricade. We don't even have any gunpowder or oil left.

The familiar flash of someone forming into a titan erupts from the inner chamber. Historia? Is Eren dead? Has he been eaten? Or has he escaped? This flash is different though. It's still going. The chamber turns a tree-sap amber colour contrasting from the icy blue before. Cracks begin to form along the pillars. Small chunks of titan-skin-crystal splinch off and shatter to the ground.

"Captain!" Armin yells. He points to the ceiling. A wide gaping hole stares down at us. A way in.

"Fine. Armin, Moblit, take Hanji and find a way out." Levi orders. I pass Armin Hanji's arm.

.. 

"Stop wining, you half-naked weirdo, pipe down." Jean snaps at Eren.

"Woah... it's even bigger than the Colossal Titan." Sasha's wobbly voice sounds. I look up at the red giant. My eyes burn in all the abnormal light and steam. Is it still forming into a titan? Lord Reiss must have transformed instead of Historia. I reckon their royal blood makes them somewhat even more powerful titans.

The ceiling begins to collapse. Large boulders fall from the ceiling. Looks like we'll be both crushed and burned to death. I hear Eren still crying next to me. "I can't be humanity's hope. I'm just too weak."

"Oh come on... stop playing the tragic hero. Get a grip Eren. No one expects you to accomplish anything by yourself." Jean snaps. "Now flying out of here is going to be a pain. You ready ChriHistoria?"

"But, it's hopeless," Eren mutters.

"Shut it Eren!" Historia shouts. I've never seen this side to her before. I like it. It's badass. "Want to sit here and hold hands like little kids in a thunderstorm. Dying here won't make things better"

"Listen. I hate that I do this to you all the time, but you've got to make a choice Eren." Levi calmly says. From the way he's sounding, it looks like Eren's been in this position with him before. Better add 'needs a constant reminder of team spirit' to my opinions of Eren.

Eren suddenly runs forwards. What in the walls is he doing? He jumps off the end of the platform and transforms. A spiral of titan lightning erupts around him as blue spikes begin to shoot from his body like a thicket of rose thorns and weeds. Was not expecting that. I'm glad he's got his senses under control now.

...

I don't think Eren is particularly happy to finally see his titan form. The crystalised titan is still standing strong in the centre of the collapsed cavern, supporting what remains of the roof. For now.

The next question is finding a way out.

"I guess this is how the walls were made too. Up in a matter of seconds, instant protection. This is humanity's lucky day, eh? Now we have a shot at plugging the hole in Maria." Levi stares down at Eren intently. 

"Captain! We've found an exit. The others are fine!" Sasha and Connie ODM down from the remaining ceiling. Sasha runs over and kneels in front of Eren and bends down like she's praying. Ok? "Eren. We're safe because of you. But to be completely honest, when I saw you stumbling off into the light like a drunk and wailing like a baby, I thought we were screwed. You looked like an idiot and my fate was in your hands. It was awful. 'Quit your balling... have some dignity' that's what I was thinking anyway." Sasha stands up and beams at us. "Let's get out of here."

...

Commander Erwin gallops towards us as I bandage up Hanji's head. "I see you all made it. Excellent work. Anything to report on that titan?" He asks. I watch his eyes trail over Hanji. He nods, it's not too serious of a wound.

"It's Rod Reiss, commander," Levi says.

"Reiss?"

"Yup... You gonna let it drag its fat ass towards Sina."

"We're letting it continue for now, towards Orvud. We'll deal with it soon."

I watch Reiss's titan crawl it's way along the fields. It looks like if an eternal fire had been set ablaze inside a snake/earthworm crossover. Hanji sighs. "Alright. Time to think. So Lord Reiss was after the founding titan's powers. And that power is inside Eren. The founding titan's power can only reach full potential inside someone with royal blood. But when someone with royal blood takes the founding titan, they accept the first king's ideology completely. This is true peace huh?"

...

"Eren. Your father wasn't evil." Historia says with an air of complete certainty. "He was trying to free humanity from the rule of the first king. He murdered my sister because he had no other choice."

"Dr Yeager must have known another way to save humanity. And that's why he left you the key to the cellar." Mikasa tells us.

"Are you sure Historia?" Hanji asks pointing to Reiss. "The only way forward is to kill your father."

"Eren, I'm sorry. Back in the chapel. I wanted to change. Not to save humanity. But to make my father proud of me."

I grab Historia's hands. "This is going to sound callous and utterly insensitive, but that man is not your father. Well, he may be by blood, but what has that blood done for you Historia? It's told you to eat your friend. I listened in when I was conscious, don't you think it's funny that after so many years of hostility, the day after your siblings died, your biological father suddenly appeared in your life. And now? He only kidnapped you because you're his biological daughter and therefore has the blood. Don't you think the spontaneous increase of paternal affection is strange?" "You're right. It's time for me and Lord Reiss to part ways."

...

I tie up my horse in the stables at Orvud. I realise now I never got to name him. I'm not exactly sure if I can be bothered to now. Growing up is shit.

"Historia. There's something I forgot to tell you." Levi says getting all of our attention. "This is a direct order from Erwin, seeing that the public won't accept Military Control for much longer, and since you're the rightful Queen. After this is over, you will take the throne." Historia looks down to her feet.

"Uh, Captain isn't that a bit unfair... You know. Siding against her father, Historia kinda is putting that part of her life behind her now. uh..." Connie mumbles

"You got something to say, Connie? Spit it out?" Levi snaps. Rude.

"What Connie is trying to say, Sir." Jean coldly snaps with an air of control. "Is that Historia has broken away from the Reiss name and is showing she is more than a bloodline."

"Guys, it's fine. If my next duty is to become a Queen. So be it... I appreciate your concern. But

I've decided. I have one request. Until the coronation, I will maintain all normal scout duties.

Including this mission." Historia looks up and directly into Levi's eyes.

...

We're gathered in at the Garrison HQ at Orvud. Historia determinedly walks in complete awareness of her newfound self-strength. She stops and stands in between Mikasa and I.

"Once you're Queen, you can punch that smug bastard in the face," Mikasa whispers nodding in Levi's direction.

"Completely knock him out whilst you're at it Historia," I whisper to her.

"The Reiss titan will arrive just before Dawn." A Garrison soldier reports. Erwin smiles. Time for one of his completely gambling plans.

...

I sit next to Hanji in the Medical room sipping on some sort of willow-bark tea. The nurse said I'll have some nasty bruises for a while from where the MPs knocked me out. I look into the mirror and trace the scar along my forehead from where Alcott cut me after Eren's tribunal. That seemed like a lifetime ago. I look at my face. I haven't seen my reflection in ages: the military isn't exactly the sort of place where you'll find vanity mirrors. I look absolutely exhausted. I suppose I am. But it's in my eyes as well. I look tired of the world.

Much like Armin, my hair hasn't been cut in ages too. It's longer than I would prefer it, but not an impractical length. I suppose I've never really had the chance to cut it. I look behind me in the mirror at Hanji. Surprisingly, they fell asleep pretty quickly. I suppose their body needs a few hours of rest before Reiss reaches the wall at Orvud.

I rummage in the drawer next to me and pull out the shears used to cut Hanji's new bandages. I look back at myself in the mirror and bite my bottom lip. I drag the chair from where I was sat to in front of the mirror and pick up the shears again. I snip away at the front of my hair.

I stare down at the pile of hair below me. I only took one or two inches off but there's a lot of hair. I look back in the mirror. I'm surprised I got it pretty straight. Maybe I should quit the scouts and become a hairdresser. I gather the hair into a bundle (the best I can what with hair strands falling out) and shove it into the fire. The nurse probably doesn't want a mound of hair in her medical bins. I drag the chair back to Hanji and sit down again.

"Oi. oi. oi." I stiffen in response to the sound of Levi's sharp voice. He leans over my shoulder. "I need to talk to you." I nod and stand up. He grabs some of my hair and then lets go.

...

I hold onto Levi's hand as he leads me up to the roof of the building. We stand there in content silence looking down at the quiet city. They have no idea what's coming. But they can't know what's coming because they have to 'bear witness' to an actual titan to shock some sense into the people of the Interior. Remind them that they'll never be truly safe until titans are destroyed.

"I'm sorry."

I look at Levi in shock. Damn he got over his arrogance for once. "What?"

"You heard me the first time brat." Is the sharp reply. He's looking at his shoes refusing to meet my eye. I think using 'brat' as a name just rolls off the tongue for him. I kinda don't really care about it any more.

"I heard you. I meant, what do you have to be sorry for?" I'm just going to make sure he's not going to say something stupid like 'I'm sorry you were born' or something like that...

Levi lets go of my hand and grabs my ODM harness, dragging my body down. We're now an inch apart. I stare into his grey-blue eyes. "Did they do anything to you, besides knocking you out?" "Surprisingly no. I-"

My eyes widen as Levi presses his lips against mine. His tongue traces along my bottom lip asking for entrance. I open my mouth wider. Normally when we kiss, it's heavy and sensual. But this? Our lips brush each other's gently, softly, caressingly.

He cups my face in his hands and lightly kisses the top of my forehead. I lean and place my head on his shoulder, burying my nose into the dip at his collarbones. Levi no longer smells of battle, he smells of home. My home. I wrap my arms around him and melt into his embrace. Sometimes I forget how much of a smol bean he is.

My Captain Levi.

I state into his eyes, completely lost. He grabs my hands and places them over his beating heart.

"Levi..." I whisper."

"Be mine."

"I already am."


	32. Reiss's Titan

**Y/N’S POV Warning GORE**

I peer out of the window. We've maybe an hour left. It isn't enough time. This situation is all too similar for the people of Orvud as it was to us in Shiganshina. Except, except this time we're prepared. This time we'll fight. This time, the scouts are here to protect the people.

"Hey, Y/N. I've made up the last of the gunpowder- hook-carts if you'd place it on the lift."

"Sure thing Hanji." I nod and take the cart's handles wheeling it out of the office and towards the wall. I look through the alleys between the houses, the grumbling people of Orvud are gathering in the main square. They have no idea what's coming. I push the barrel onto the platform and get lifted up. At the top, Levi Squad has arrived. Hanji ODMs up next to me and points to the barrels.

They toss a net over the wall and we get to work.

A large array of canon fire erupts from the wall. Reiss's titan. Shit.

...

I quickly tie a rope over a gunpowder barrel and strap it together with another one. My fingers fumble over the rope. There's not enough time to tighten it properly. This is the best we have, even with Hanji's intelligence, the gunpowder barrels will probably resort to little if Eren doesn't get it directing into Reiss's mouth. I notice Erwin come and stand next to Historia. "I suppose you've heard from Levi. After this, you will have to become Queen. It's not good that you're here at the front line."

I watch as Historia peers up at Erwin. Long gone is the little girl from Trainee Corps. "You think the people so naive that they'd bow down to a young woman by name only?" Historia stands up barely reaching Erwin's armpits in height. Despite this, I can tell she has utter control and dominance over the conversation. She's going to be a Queen I'm proud to serve. She's so strong. I feel tears come to my eyes. If only Ymir was here.

I load another barrel onto the pile and tie it up. Historia's and Erwin's conversation is private so I'm not going to listen in. Besides, I have a rough idea of what Historia wants to happen.

... 

Reiss's titan emerges over the top of the wall.

Is this what death looks like?..

We finally get to see its face. Or what's behind the face. It's completely cut down the middle. All the ligaments are hanging out of the eye sockets. Its brain is cut in two and I can see the fatty fluids gush down. It's face wobbles like it's yawning. It's oozing flesh is like what a worm looks like as it moves around in the earth. It squelches, stretches and squishes in peculiar, ungodly contortions.

It stands up straighter. Its intestines fall out onto the wall painting it red.

I think I'm going to puke.

The familiar flash of a titan transforming surrounds us and I look to my right. Eren has transformed and is stood in a position ready to sprint and grab the gunpower-barrel net. I look at Erwin who holds up a pistol. A red shot is fired off. Commence. I feel the wall rumbling underneath my feet as Eren runs toward Reiss. I fire one of the hook-barrels at Reiss's hands. I squint my eyes. I can feel my heart racing. Will this work?

Sure enough, Reiss's grip on the wall slacks and it begins to face plant down. Eren runs along with the net and chucks in inside its throat. Reiss's titan steam should act as a fuse for the gunpowder. 

Jackpot.

Reiss's titan explodes shooting searing clumps of titan flesh into the sky. The flesh falls down onto Orvud district like hailstones. Hailstones from hell. Hailstones that are indeed not snow, but flesh from a man-eating, blood-sucking monster. So like in every folk tale ever. Just another office day for the Survey Corps I guess. 

I initiate ODM and fly through the air. I cut through the clumps of Reiss’s flesh as they fall towards me. I daren’t think about what part of the body that once was. I slice through one. That cut easily. Like a mushroom…….. Blame it on the trauma.

Historia flips through the air like a fucking sophisticated goddess. She is a sophisticated battle goddess. She’s a fucking Queen to be. She probably isn’t even breaking a sweat. She raises her blades and lets out a battle cry.

I get flung into the wall by a final explosion of titan steep. I quickly fire an ODM hook into the wall and swing there. I watch as the people of Orvud gather in front of a card that had broken Historia’s fall. I watch her stand up in solemn dignity.

“I am Historia Reiss. The true ruler of the Walls.”

…

I dig my heels into my horse galloping alongside the mini gorge that Reiss created dragging his abnormal ass to Orvud. The titan crystal pillars poke out of the ground every couple of metres. If they glow in the dark that would be the best thing ever. It will be like a royal promenade to Orvud guiding anyone home. Levi rides up next to me.

“I’m going back to Mitras for the coronation, regardless of what we find here,” I tell him.

"You didn't have to come in the first place."

"Eh? You asked me."

"Tch." Levi gives the usual response. I lightly aim to hit him, but he raises his eyebrow. I grin instead.

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you’re adorable.”

“I’m humanity’s strongest warrior” Levi sounds like his pride has been hurt.

“You’re also 5 ft 2” and steal my cloak when you’re cold.”

“I do not!........ It’s large and warm……….. Focus on the mission, brat.” “Hey, guys.” Another scout rides up next to us. “We’ve found Kenny.”

…

We demount and walk up to Kenny the Ripper. Kenny’s seen better days. He looks like he’s had an ice bath in a hot springs sauna and then jumped straight into the hot spring itself. Half of his face is completely burnt and blistering. I can see large flakes of dried blood and yellow oozing body fluids running down his neck. Disgusting.

"Ah, it’s you brats." His remaining eye peers down at Levi and my linked hands. This definitely feels like a ‘meet-the-parents’ moment. He chuckles lightly. Definitely a meet-the-parents moment.

Why’d he have to tell me he trained up Levi?

"Your comrades were crushed to death. Are you the only survivor?" Levi says, getting to the point.

He’s sharp. Sharp like a dagger though, not a sword. He’s too short to be a sword.

"Seems that way, eh? I've always been a survivor. Ha ha hee." His voice raises slightly in a mocking manner.

"With those burns and that blood loss, it seems your survival days won’t be for much longer."

"Ah? I wonder... seems if I inject this, I'll become one of those dumb, shit-faced titans… Nah. I think I understand why he did it all...". Kenny faintly says obviously reminiscing. Kenny pulls out a small wooden box from his pocket and opens it revealing another syringe. He begins to softly chuckle. "Everyone is a slave to something. Eh? Even him... And what are you now pipsqueak? A hero? Or that hostile runt from the underground?"

Levi lets go of my hand and flings himself to his knees grabbing Kenny's shoulders. "Tell me everything you know. Kenny."

"Nah, I don't think I will. We Ackermans and you L/Ns opposed the first King for a reason." I raise an eyebrow in response to Kenny.

"No hard feelings eh? I'm a dying man. I'd give you my blessing if it didn't mean shit." Kenny’s eye looks onto my gaze. I roll my eyes in response.

"So my last name's Ackerman. Who was- who was my mother to you?" Levi’s voice is soft. I look down. Levi. Levi Ackerman. Captain Ackerman.

"Heh, you runt. She was only my bloody sister."

"That day, why did you leave me?"

"I'm was never made to be someone's father... hah. I taught you how to hold a knife before how to hold a pen. You were always terrible at multiplication sums. I knew you weren't made to be a black market merchant then."

Kenny shoves the serum into Levi's chest. By the time Levi has looked up, the light has left Kenny's eyes.


	33. Showering (Mature)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut

**Y/n's POV**

**Warning its fluff and smut people.**

It was pitch black darkness by the time we'd got back. I ride into the stables and tie up my horse for the night. I grab a bundle of hay and refill the trough. These poor horses go through so much. Levi rides in behind me. He seemed even more distant on the return to the palace. I guess it's expected. Kenny the Ripper is his uncle.

Damn, why do all these important old buildings have so many bloody stairs? Historia will probably be getting a full-on workout just by walking down to dinner each night. She's already openly invited us to dinner every weekend and thanks to Sasha, we're all going. Every week. Even when we're on a mission.

It's painful. Historia will soon be alone again. And whilst none of us are dead, when we're on missions or in other districts, she'll be alone in a grand palace, ruling. She's going to be a wonderful Queen, but you can tell she never wanted to be one. Going from a 'nobody' to a monarch in a couple of months is a huge change. Respect. I think Historia lowkey just wanted to be normal.

Unfortunately, it's a cruel world.

I open the door to my room and Levi enters after me. Holy shit? When did he get there? I suppose I did walk up those 85 flights of stairs pretty slowly.

"I'm going to have a shower," I announce for no reason other than to fill the horrible silence.

"I really don't care."

"Wow. So supportive." I sarcastically mutter.

"Am I a terrible boyfriend?"

"Huh?" I look up at him in confusion. Where did that come from?

"You heard me."

"Well, you're cold, condescending, pessimistic, have a superiority complex and thing for abusing children, insensitive, blunt-"

"Maria, Y/N. I was looking for support, not verbal abuse."

I walk over to him. And place my first two fingers under his chin and lift it so he's staring into my face. "You're also human. A human with character flaws like any other. I love your flaws, Levi. I love the way you always make sure I have a hot cup of tea before bed. I love the way you steal my cloak when it's cold and wrap my blanket around your shoulders at nighttime. I love the way you don't waste time and just tell people the truth regardless. You are extremely loyal at heart and beneath all your hard layers you're a big old softie. You're not a terrible boyfriend Levi. I won't let you deceive yourself of it."

Levi stands up, his eyes are full of tears. He wraps his hands around my waist and clutches me. "Ok but like, you do need that shower. Y/N, You're filthy."

"Way to ruin the mood Levi."

"Hey, you said you liked my bluntness."

I wack him around the head with my towel and grab my ceremonial uniform.

**Levi's Pov**

I stand outside the bathroom and listen to the sound of running water. I imagine Y/N inside. The hot water relaxing her muscles. I quietly open the door, intoxicated by her. I take off my jacket and undo my ODM harness. I unbutton my top and take off my pants. I open the shower door and step into the steam.

Y/N is facing the shower, her back to me. I can feel the boiling blood in me roaring through my veins as I look over her bare body. My cheeks flush red as a thin layer of pre-cum oozes. She hasn't even noticed or acknowledged my arrival. I guess she's just lost in thought. I wrap my arms around her waist and stand on my toes to rest my chin on her shoulder. Curse my height. Thank Maria there's a small step into the shower here, one that I can stand on.

Y/N doesn't say anything as she turns around and wraps her arms around me too. We just stand there silently for a moment. I revel in the quiet understanding we have as we hold each other tightly. I love this strange brat.

My hands caress all over her body. I want her. I want this bitch. Always. Forever. My eyes scan over her body, analysing every little blemish and scar. Her battle scars. She's a survivor. Y/N shakes her head slightly and chuckles before leaning down and kissing me on the lips.

I grab her waist tighter and run my hands along her body. Our tongues kiss, pushing into each other's mouths

My lips find her neck. Kissing softly, I trail up and down listening to her breath. At the escape of an 'oh,' I place pressure on her sensitive spot, sucking and biting down on it. She cups my face in her hands again and with her thumb traces along my jawline. A familiar sensation rises in my stomach. Her lips meet mine again in a loving embrace. We pull back for air, our breaths steaming up with the shower. My vision slips as my eyes slide shut.

Her hands trace down my chest to my hips and I hear her get onto her knees. I let out a soft moan as she presses her lips onto my ~member~ before slipping the head into her mouth. She twirls her tongue around the tip before hollowing her cheeks and taking me deeper into her throat. I moan slightly louder.

"Careful brat. I can't have you choking." I whisper into her ear. She raises her middle finger at me before using her hands to tease the parts of me that don't fit in her mouth. I suddenly pull back and she looks up at me in confused longing. I grab her arms and drag her up, pushing her against the shower wall. "Beg."

"What?"

I hold my first and second fingers up at her and press into her shoulder. "Beg, brat." "Levi? I-"

"You?.... Tch. I can't hear you, brat."

"Levi. Stop teasing."

"It's Captain Levi to you brat."

"Captain... please."

I hum in response before pushing her down slightly and reaching down myself. I push the two fingers into her tight ~hole~. She moans slightly and pushes back against the wall. I like pleasing her. I like that I'm the only one that could make her like this. I like that I'm the only one she would ever let near her like this. I like that our intimacy is secretive. She's mine, and I'm hers.

My pace begins slow. Teasingly slow. I can feel her muscles clench around me. Her arm reaches out and grabs mine. She wants me to go faster? Not yet, brat. I push her body back against the wall, my grip is so strong, she won't be able to fight me. She wines slightly, probably due to the lack of pleasure. I lean in against her, my body coated in hot, steamy sweat and water. I push my fingers further into her, pleasing her insides. Her head drops down and she begins to kiss my neck. 

I work her slowly, watching as my fingers disappear and reappear. She's closed her eyes, her head is rolled back. Mmmn. I feel the tight heat on my fingers and long for my dick to feel the same. Not yet.

**Y/N’S POV**

Levi stands up slightly, it's a good thing I'm leant against the wall for Mr Shorty Ackerman. His hands move from massaging my inner thighs and ~insides~, to my hips and then to my ass. I run my hands over his back, feeling his muscles bulging. I'm still surprised by his sheer strength. Even after all this time.

Levi slowly presses into me and reaches down. I feel the head of his cock at my ~entrance~ slightly pushing in, but not fully. I try to push down onto him, but his hands splay out and shove me back onto the shower wall.

"You're such a tease."

"Still sure?"

"Of course."

I moan as he presses into me. That feeling. Maria. My mind turns blank. Shit. I let out a longing growl and arch my back. His hands tighten on my waist. Levi sucks in a long breath and begins to destroy my insides, wasting absolutely no time in thrusting in and out. I gasp and cry out. This feeling. My body takes over my mind, running rampant in rugged longing. I thrust on top of him causing him to enter deeper and harder than expected. Levi pants in pleasured realisation.

I adjust my position. Holy shit. We're still in the shower. I guess I forgot about that.

Levi rams into me again as the hot water pelts down our sweating bodies. He brushes over that one spot I had been dying to feel and I yelp. "There...." Levi gives in to my plea and continues to thrust against my spot. I can feel my orgasm starting to coil in my stomach.

"F-faster. fuck.... oh."

Levi smirks and tightens his hold around my waist. He begins to thrust faster and deeper into me.

My fingers trace uncontrollably over his back.

"Dammit. Y/N.... oh." He still continues to trust increasingly faster. The stamina of this man.

Maria. I've already got at least 8 inches inside me and I don't think I've taken him fully yet. I gasp. He seems to pick up pace, spurred on by my moans and grunts and the sound of wet thighs slapping each other.

I listen to Levi's increasingly ragged breaths. He must be coming soon too. I press my forehead onto his shoulder and clutch him tightly as he continues to thrust. I open my mouth to scream but Levi slaps his hand over my mouth. "Your moans belong to my ears only brat." I whimper into his hand as I orgasm, fire ravages along my skin and in my blood. My eyes flicker back in fulfilment. I look down into his face, it's screwed up in a totally adorable way.

Levi gets closer and closer to his release, his hips moving erratically the closer he gets. His mouth opens and lets out a hiss of pleasure as he releases inside of me. Levi pulls out with a satisfied groan. I get onto my knees and lick the rest of the cum off his dick, maintaining eye contact with him. I collapse onto the shower floor as Levi sits down next to me. He interwinds our hands and legs and I lean against his shuddering chest.


	34. Queen Historia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the coronation  
> Katara really do be tear bending us tho
> 
> Lyrics of Call of Silence as YmirxHistoria's theme by Hiroyuki Sawano from the OST

**_y/n's POV_ **

Historia, Sasha, Mikasa, Hitch and I turn the corner to Historia's new floor. She literally has an entire floor of the palace as a bedroom and like six maids waiting at every corner. "So what chaos are we going to do as Princess Historia's last act of rebellion." Sasha jokes. I shove my hands in my pockets as we saunter down the corridor.

"Well, you could always hit that short bitch, Levi." Mikasa's voice has a devilish tone to it. I look at her she's smiling slightly. Which translated from Mikasa-body language, means she's grinning her face off in adrenaline-rushed excitement.

"No, do that after Historia's coronation so that he can't hit back," I suggest. "Ha, that runt will have to respect you and lay his life at your feet willingly... Imagine Levi having to get on his knees in front of Historia. His pride."

"As if he doesn't do that to you easily, Y/N." Historia teases.

"HISTORIA????!!!!!! Where is the sweet, kind Historia I know? YMIR!!!" I screech and stand in a fighting stance. I pretend to punch the air.

"Do I even want to know?" Hitch laughs. The others had met Hitch when I was kidnapped and after a three-hour chat about the dramatics, Hitch and I got on pretty quickly. I'm glad Hitch will be here in Mitras when the scouts are on missions. Her joyous, laid back nature will really help Historia to learn how to smile again.

"You're fighting stance is still shit Y/N." I turn around in embarrassment and glare at Levi. My friends are oogling behind Levi's back. Sasha runs a finger along her throat. Levi walks off down the corridor his nose turned up to the air, his expression haughty. I know he's smiling inside. Deep inside. Deeeeep inside.

"That's it. Historia, you have my absolute blessing to fully deck that man. Throw him in prison for all I care. Hang him for treason. Use him a titan fodder." I squeeze Historia's shoulders. She nods in understanding.

"So... uh... Kenny the Ripper was his uncle. And Mikasa's a distant cousin. Can I just say that I'm absolutely petrified of all Ackermans?" Sasha jokes linking her arm with Mikasa's.

"I politely refuse to be related to that trash." Mikasa coldly snaps. A strange fire suddenly lights in her eyes. She looks like she's ready to shoot fireballs out of her eyes. I'm glad Eren got titan powers, not Mikasa. But then, Mikasa would get shit done. We'd probably be back in Shiganshina if she was a titan. Mikasa opens her mouth. "We have three hours before sundown. That's two hours before we have to get Historia ready. Historia is there any last thing you want to do as a scout."

"I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO SHOOT FIRE ARROWS." Historia clenches her face up in

excitement. Sasha grabs Historia with her other arm and squeals.

"I hope you brats aren't up to something...." Levi returns and walks back down the corridor.

"You're willingly dating him?"

"He's alright deep down."

"I knew he was packing somethin'"

"Hitch?! I was talking about his trauma... What would Marlowe say, eh?" I prod her shoulder.

"Marlowe?.... That's complicated." Hitch looks down at her shoes. I squeeze her shoulders.

...

"And fire!" Sasha screams. We release our arrows at the target. Sasha, Hitch and Mikasa are naturals, I'm questionable and poor Historia is not very good at all.

"C'mon Historia, we're not letting you become Queen until you can hit the bullseye. And Erwin will murder us, so no pressure."

"I'm doing this. Aaaaaaahhhh!!!...... I hit it?! Omg Sasha, I hit it." Historia squeals in excitement.

"Um... Historia? You also set the tree on fire."

"Shit. Run. Run for your lives, my friends." Sasha screams.

"Historia now would be a good time to summon one of your many maids."

"Quick the water trough."

"Thank Maria Mikasa is here."

"Hey Sasha, how'd you like a bucket of water over your head."

"I'm in my uniform, you-"

...

I sit down on the grass. Historia leans against me. We watch Sasha running around the garden hitting the target easily. Mikasa stands by the tree evaluating the damage. "You're going to be a brilliant Queen, Historia. Simply put."

"I just wish she was here."

"She's watching down on your from the stars. Heh, now you can get someone to make you a massive telescope. You can study the night sky, find a new star and name it Ymir. She'd like that." "She'd love that."

"Live a life you can be proud of. Live for both of you. Life because Ymir lives on inside of you." I tap her heart. "Here. You'll never be alone as long as you don't forget them. Ymir, Frieda, the scouts. Find loads of new stars and name them after us when we die. That way we'll always live on, watching over you as you become the Golden Queen we know you already are." "Guys, Erwin and Levi are coming." Sasha screeches holding her hands to her ears.

We all stare at the tree and then at each other.

"Remove the evidence!" I cry grabbing my bow, the arrows and the matches. Hitch clutches at her stomach and hiccups. We run inside the palace and up to Historia's rooms.

...

_Time skip - that evening_

"Heard somebody set fire to the royal gardens," Hanji whispers to me as we stand in the courtyard at the side of the wooden podium. Many citizens of the walls had begun to flood the area. I hear the gentle whispers of them accounting how a small Historia defeated a titan, twice the size of the colossal. Mikasa and Sasha arrive next to me as someone from the wall-church, accompanied by Hitch, ascends to the platform. Someone else clutching the sceptre and orb.

People from the wall-church begin to sing a haunting theme that resonates in my heart with such a bittersweet sadness. I feel like I miss someone on a spiritual level. Someone I haven't even met.

_Don't you think about me enough?_

_I've been burning my heart out_

_Got to face, need to tell you_

_I won't run 'cause I'm reticent_

_You will know you're reborn tonight_

_Must be rough but I stay by your side_

_Even if my body's bleached to the bones_

_I don't want to go through that ever again_

_So cry no more, oh my beloved_

_Go ahead, be proud and fight it out_

_You are the one, our rising star_

_You guide us far to home yet girt_

Historia solemnly walks up the stairs to the priest. We all watch as she kneels and the crown is placed on her head. The fate of humanity rests on her and Erwin's shoulders. It's a horrible burden and she's been through too much already. We will find out what's in Eren's father's basement. We will take back Maria. We will destroy the titans and whoever's outside the wall.

"I present. Queen Historia Reiss." The priest shouts as the sun lets out one final flicker of light as a cloud moves, illuminating Historia. It's almost as if nature has bowed down before her in respect too.

_**Author's note** _

_**Sorry for the really short chapter. I just didn't want to put it in the last chapter if you know what I mean. I'm crying now.** _


	35. Return to Shiganshina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season 3 pt2

**_Y/N's POV time skip to s3 pt2_ **

I know these woods. There's a strange throbbing in my heart and my gut as I look around the uncanny trees. I spent hours as a child running wild here finding firewood. It seems strange to be coming back. It feels strange that luck has been on the Shiganshina gang's side. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, me... we're not the same people that fled Shiganshina all those years ago. I'm talking about a type of change that is more significant and deep than ageing. 

Before Maria fell, all I could have aspired to be is a fisherwoman, surrounded by my family and community. The community that we're no longer a part of. The loss of Maria destroyed hospitality and communal spirit not just between the people of Rose and Maria, but within the people themselves. Now, look at me.... a bloody scout, who's seen more death than what's healthy. I've been eaten, betrayed, and now? I'm riding back to claim my 'homeland'. And they say trauma is the only way to build character. 

"Maybe I'll show you the docks where I grew up after this is all over," I whisper to Sasha and Connie. 

"That's if we even survive." Connie's voice trembles as he shivers. "Couldn't Historia have ordered us to be part of her personal bodyguard instead of the MPs... no offence to Hitch or you guys from Shiganshina. I just don't really fancy a moonlit dinner party with the Beast Titan that did... that did that to my family."

"I wouldn't mind having a dinner party if they served gammon or steak." Sasha teases.

"Shut it, Sasha... tact" Connie replies in a light-hearted tone that is actually very heavy underneath. 

"Looks like once we get through these woods and over the hill... we'll be in Shiganshina." A scout calls out. Um... yeah. I know... Consult the map, not the local. I see you, Erwin. 

"We should be there by dawn," Mikasa whispers. I nod. She clearly recognises this area too. I see the same complex emotions in her eyes as I feel inside. And that's saying something considering Mikasa is a stone-cold-badass Queen. 

...  
"Hey, y/n." Armin walks up beside me. "Feels..." His voice trails off.

"I know... I can't believe we are finally back. We might even actually be able to defeat Reiner and Bertholdt."

"I have a horrible feeling that they are just a small part of a larger enemy. I don't like this. We may take back Maria, but where did they come from? There may be others like the beast titan. There's no guarantee that they won't just knock down Maria again. We have no idea how many people out there can or have inherited the ability to turn into a titan."

"Maria, Armin. Just focus on taking back Shiganshina right now. Afterwards, you can conspire with Erwin to your heart's content."  
( _ **see you next year...or not. Hahaha)**_  
  
  


"All that farmland..." Sasha whispers. Even in the dark, I just know she's drooling slightly. "We can be out of famine. Food security is something I never thought we could actually achieve."

"Huh, yeah! Imagine not eating bread and potatoes every day." Connie jumps into the air. Hopeful illusions are a morale booster. But they aren't sustainable. I hate the prospect that any and/or all of us might never know a world with the luxury of other foods. 

"Eyes on the prize guys. Eyes on the pri- oh sorry Eren. My bad. Didn't mean to bump into you." I turn around and hold my lantern up. Jean and Eren are staring daggers at each other. 

"Ereh?" 

Armin turns to me. "Feels no different to normal."

I nod bittersweetly. "This is normal. For a scout. Quite heartbreaking that it is though. Joking around, hoping, diverting our energy into arguing about petty accidents to avoid having to think about... death. "

"Nothing better than denial, projection and displacement as defence mechanisms eh?"

I scoff. Armin and his big words. For the last couple of years, we've always been 'let's train to take back Shiganshina', but what if we can't? What if Reiner and Bertolt actually overpower us? Eren or Levi can't exactly stop a cloud of boiling hot, titan steam from engulfing us and cremating us. Is this the end? Is this my end? Will my stupid luck finally run out today? Fate's a fucking fickle bitch, have they been waiting, plotting, manipulating the world so that humanity's demise is when hope is strongest. 

Will Armin see the ocean? Will I see the sunrise tomorrow? Will I ever see the basement?

I suppose dying today won't be that bad. Dying, proudly sacrificing everything for a dream. Dying, not having to know the empty world that awaits once the Scouts have lost our pitiful goal to cling onto. Dying not having to face the enemy outside of the walls. Dying not having to know the melodramatic, ironic, sadist answers that lie at the beginning and the end. What comes after? What happens when we reach the basement? So what if we take back Shiganshina, if the 'real enemy' that Erwin alluded to, just comes back and breaks it down again. Who and/or what is the real enemy? 

Shiganshina. 

Where Bertholdt and Reiner destroyed the wall and killed 1/3 of humanity. Shiganshina, the place where this all began 5 years ago. Shiganshina, the place where I might meet my end. 

Shit. What am I thinking? Get your shit together. 

"Oi. Y/N! I need to ask you something." I feel a slender, cold hand slip into mine. 

"We're here... Mount up soldiers." Erwin screeches. How does he never lose his voice? Levi lets go of my hand. I see a frustrating disappointment in his eyes. What does he need to ask me?

"You can quickly ask me now if you want?"

"It's not important." 

Bitch it looks important. 

  
...

I mount my horse and stare across at Levi. He refuses to meet my eye. So confusing. Maybe he's going through puberty... heh that means he'll grow a couple more inches.

We're riding into battle get yo head outta the gutter.

"Hoods up my soldiers!" Erwin shouts as we reach the edge of the forest. I pull mine up. I'm now a fucking master of disguise. Yeah right. 

Woah.

I ride out of the forest. The golden morning light illuminates Wall Maria. Shiganshina. I'm home. After all these years we're back. Things look exactly the same as in my memory. Of course, they do, Shiganshina has been inhabited for many years, it's not like anyone is alive and around to build new architecture. I see the small Garrison cabin by the wall gate. Hannes. So many people lost. So many normal people lost. So many have had their lives ended or ruined because of the fall of Wall Maria. I ODM to the top of the wall. My eyes scour the ruins. I know exactly what I'm looking for. There's Schmidt Market. There's the bridge. There... The docks. My home.

Never in my childhood could I have expected to see this view. I never could have expected to see my childhood beneath my eyes. I feel my heart swell with the sublime - there's something nostalgically sweet within the ruins and decay. 

I see a flash and hear a roar. A satisfying crunch fills the air as Eren hardens his titan. The blue crystal fills the hole.

...

I stand at the top of the Wall with Armin. There's been no sign of Reinah nor Bertolototkgjlj. That's too good to be true. How have we not found them yet? Even if they transformed, a sign of their presence would be better than this uncanny silence. I look down the wall. Aesthetic moss and ivy have covered the skin-stones. Priorities. You're in the middle of ensuring humanity's survival and you want to think about vegetation cover. 

"Hey, Armin? Do you think there are titans in these walls too?"

"... wait! What did you say?"

"Do you think there are titans in these walls?"

"Of course. Reiner and Bertholdt must be hiding in the walls. There's no other explanation as to why we can't find them."

Armin shoots off an acoustic shot. Erwin and his right-hand man (literally and symbolically) ODM over to us. Armin explains the current predicament. Erwin fires off a red smoke signal. We're stopping the mission. Armin flushes red as Erwin assigns him a team. This is definitely a big sister moment. 

...

A high pitches, acoustic shell rebounds through the air, echoing in my ears. 

"Right here! This part of the wall is hollow." 

I look down as a blade is plunged into the owner of the voice. 

Reiner's face emerges from a hole in the wall. 

And here I was saying I would prefer to get some action rather than having awkward silence. 

...

Reiner begins to climb up the wall. We all look to Erwin for orders, but he doesn't even flinch. He just stands there, observing Reiner out of one eye. The nerve of this guy is unbreakable, he hasn't even turned his head or looked over the wall. It's like he doesn't even need to. It's like Reiner isn't even a threat to him. He just stares over Shiganshina, unblinking, unbothered. 

No. It's not that he doesn't care about the threat of Reiner, he's watching their movements. All of them. Looking at the bigger picture, not just the immediate threat. Erwin doesn't want to attack until he knows their strategy. Will they break down another wall? Go for the horses? Go straight for Eren and ignore the walls?

"There's another intelligent titan. The one down there on all fours." Erwin announces. Another one? I suppose there could be hundreds of people out there who can turn into titans. Who knows... clearly not me. 

Reiner...

He should be nearing the top of the wall by now. What the fuck is Erwin waiting for? Erwin opens his mouth to speak.

"Finally, we've been waiting so long we could have made breakfast... or become Reiner's breakfast," Levi mutters. 

"Levi and Hanji-Squad, take down the Armoured with the thunder-spears at your own digression. This is our chance to strike. The fate of humanity depends on it. Lay down your hearts and lives one final time." He dictates. 

It's always will you lay your life down for humanity, never how are you today? And they ask you if you're willing to die, and you have to say you are because you're a scout. And you can't say no because they would never understand. 

"Yes Sir." We all scream. 

**"** Captain Levi, Squad Leader Arlert and Y/N, stay behind for a minute... Levi, Hanji can take over your squad. Levi, I want you to deal with the beast."

"I shall atone for not being fast enough to kill Reiner with his head." Levi ODMs off. I stare at him as he zooms into the distance. He's really getting into the zone. I probably should too. 

"Arlert and Y/N, in order to win, we must secure victory on two fronts. The first, I shall deal with. The second, you and Hanji will take care of. "

As Erwin explains his plan, Armin and I nod. Erwin wants to use Eren as bait to draw the enemy away from our horses. If they killed our horses, we would have no way of getting home and no way of getting supplies in. If they did that, we'd become utterly helpless and defenceless against the titans. 

"Armin go inform Hanji and your friends."

"Yes Sir!" Armin salutes and runs off leaving me in awkward silence with Erwin. 

"So..."

"I hope you said goodbye... Realistically speaking, both of you might not make it out alive. I-"

"Sir." I coldly snap. "We know the risks. Now, if you're implying what I think you're implying, then I recognise the extreme likelihood of it. But, I will fight to fucking stay alive and spend the rest of my life with Levi. You and your gambles and your predictions won't stop me. You claim to just be looking out for his long term mental health if I die, but it is just an 'if' isn't it? You claim to be trying to protect him from the extreme pain of loss, but I reckon it's just a mask. You're lonely and jealous and want to bring our relationship down just because you never got a chance to love yourself. You're bitter because you see others having what you secretly want. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go and murder Reiner. Have fun watching me not die."

I sharply turn and run after Armin.

_**(Not Marie choosing Nils over Erwin)** _


	36. Thunderspears

Crash.

It's ironic. I find it ironic that the destruction the thunderspears will cause today, will lead to the creation of a new future for humanity. I feel strangely at peace at my hometown being destroyed. Rubble flies around me as titan steam erupts from what was once Schmidt market. Shiganshina is being destroyed so that it can be built up again. If we win this... 'if'... like I told Erwin just now, it's only an 'if'. But, in complete contrast, in this scenario, 'if' should be a 'when'. 

When we win this... Shiganshina will be built up from this rubble again. A new start. A clean slate. Metaphorically and physically. 

I stand on the roof of a house with Mikasa, Armin, Jean and Hanji. Weighing around my waist are the thunderspears. The slender poles don't look like much, but they're lethal. Titan lethal. So lethal that we have to be extremely careful to not get caught in the blast. 

Eren screeches as Reiner grabs him by the ankle and yeets him over the square. Eren smashes down on top of a house. In absolute merciless extreme cruelty, Reiner punches Eren's head further into the ground. But then, what is 'extreme' in 'extreme cruelty'? In a world where cruel is the norm, how do we measure its extremity? To me, this act of 'extreme cruelty' is just pathetic normal to Eren. 

What is wrong with my brain today?

"Now!" Hanji screams.

Eren has given us an opening. Finally. Let's get this shit over. I ODM past Reiner and at the opportune moment shoot the thunderspears into his eyes. Thank Maria I didn't miss it. I pull the wire detonating it as I move behind a row of houses for protection. I daren't imagine the steaming eye remains that now have been plastered on the streets where I used to play as a child. 

I hear the whizz of ODM as everyone else shoots the thunderspears into Reiner's armpits. The chink in his armour is for his mobility, but it's now become his downfall. A small crack that we can exploit. Now I'm sounding like a sadist. 

Jean lands next to me as we hear the familiar sound of screeching pain erupting from Reiner. I peer around the corner of the house. Reiner's arms and the armour around his nape has been blown to splinters. 

"What are you waiting for? End this? Use the last of your spears!" Hanji orders. I look at Mikasa, she nods with harsh intent. We ODM up and fire our spears into his open nape. 

I land on top of the roof of another house. Reiner's head has been blown off and is now barely attached to the neck by a layer of paper-thin muscle. 

"Mikasa? Do you think we got him?"

"No. Who knows what titan tricks he's got. Levi slashed his nape and yet Reiner still survived. How?"

"I guess we'll never know."

"That's not good enough."

I hear Connie and Sasha weeping. I won't blame them. 

"Guys, stop crying. He wouldn't have hesitated to kill us." Jean says with a completely detached tone. Jean has really come through on his own since those days of trainee corps. I say 'those days' after if they were decades ago when they were only years. Back when Reiner was just a dude with weird hair. Back when Bertololdhttt was just Reiner's councillor. Reiner screeches as he had back at Wall Rose. Is he calling for Bertha?

Where even is Bottomtoldt? 

And because this is entirely fictional, Armin omnisciently answers my question with uncanny timing. "THE BARRELLLLLL. BERTHOLDT'S IN THE BLOODY BARREL!"

I look up. Sure enough, a gunpowder barrel is shooting towards us. And whilst it may not contain actual gunpowder, it does contain something, no. Someone. Someone who is 1000 times more explosive. 

And deadly.

"RETREAT!" Hanji screams. My body jerks into action without considering anything. My fingers unironically fly to the ODM's operating device in unironic auto-pilot. I daren't look back. I shouldn't. I have to brace myself for the scalding heat that's to come. 

But it never comes.

Instead, Bertie ODMs towards us. 

"Mikasa? Why'd he do that?"

"I don't know..." 

"Hanji? Your orders?"

"Armin, take control of Levi squad! My squad, with me!" Hanji orders.

But instead, Armin does as Armin wants and lands on a church tower, facing our dear friend Bert. I see Hanji fuming beside me. Now we have to grimace at Armin's superior pacifist psychological manipulations with the knowledge that most of us are stupid as fuck compared to him.

"He wants to negotiate, Hanji, please. Bert is a pacifist too..."

"As far as you know. What is the 'pacifist' is just an act he put on to manipulate you?" Hanji warns. They have a point. But, on the other hand, the way Bertholdt acted when we were rescuing Eren before the-one-armed pirate appeared... the way he acted... that didn't scream mass manipulator.

'We were just children!' He had cried.

But we were children too. The whole world seems to forget that. 

I look at Bearturtle now. If that even is Bertie. He seems totally different. He's more sure of himself. Can titans merge consciousness? Has Reiner put Bert under titan mind control? It's like he's a totally different person. He has a plan. Not only has he got a plan, but he's seen straight through Armin's manipulations. No one sees through Armin's manipulations. 

Hanji waves to me. I grimace. I don't regret joining Hanji-squad, but I do wish that if I were to die today, I could do so with my friends in Levi-squad. Levi?

Is he still alive? 

Of course, he is. Don't doubt him. He's amazing. I shouldn't be worried about him. Just think, next week, we'll be back in Trost alive and well. We can ask Erwin for shared quarters. Levi can give me those training lessons he promised. We can-

"HE'S TRANSFORMING!!!" Someone screams. 

But he can't. We're in the blast radius. Please no. 

Levi? I L-

Levi's POV

That beast throws another handful of rock shingle. The small clumps explode in all directions and act like bullets. We wouldn't know what would have hit us before we let out our last breath. Literally. The first line of houses and therefore protection has been completely demolished. Along with all of the veterans. 

Now we've just got some bratty, inexperienced newbies who will most likely start crying for their mums anytime soon. That being said, they probably have already started. We can't even move the whining brats to the other side of the wall as Bertholdt has transformed and is setting fire to all of Shiganshina using his titan steam.

"Y/N? Hanji? My Squad?" I ask Erwin in a weak voice. Why am I, humanity's strongest, asking for fragile reassurance and false hope from Erwin?

"I don't know." Is the reply. His eyebrows are twisted in a multitude of different directions and emotions. "All I can say is that we've lost a lot of good lives already. Where do we find the balance between der Weg der Sehnsucht und die Leichen?" (german - the path of longing and the corpses) 

"They will not die in vain. I promise it. Their lives will not be wasted." I snap. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

I place my hand on Erwin's shoulder. "Doubt has no home on the battlefield. I shall keep it. I swear the lives lost today will not be futile."

"Don't lie to yourself, Levi. I shall not lie to myself either... Things are not looking for the best. But we die at some point, so why not honourably today. We must secure a victory. Even if only three make it back. We must end this once and for all. I shall ask you for one last thing before we part. Kill-"

"I know. All that remains on this side of the wall, Erwin, is us and some kids that will be flattened in no time at all... I agree. We must end this once and for all." 

(Eren and the Yaegerists in the background like...*Agatha all Along*)

The next round of bullet shingle zooms past us making my hair fly up with the air currents. 

"Shinzou wo sasageyo." Erwin faintly whispers. "SHINZOU WO SASAGEYO!" His voice dramatically changes and becomes sharp and unrelenting... too sharp... too bold. A mask. A beautiful deception for our brains as we face our future. 

Because of Y/N, I like to think that I have a heart to give now. I have a heart to dedicate. 

Y/N are they alive?

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT accurate but I've tried to be.  
> AOT takes place in what would be Germany/ surrounding area (hence the German in the soundtrack. wow *surprised Pikachu face*) so I may use some German phrases.  
> This is a Levi Ackerman x Y/N fic,  
> Levi Ackerman and Hanji Zoe have both been aged down because 1. So they're not pedophiles. 2. Levi is absolutely no way older than Oluo.  
> Eren, Mikasa, Armin... all the 104th cadets have been aged up so that any smut is obviously right, legal, consensual. Rape and sexual harassment are not jokes so I've decided to change the ages of the characters, but the storyline and mentality stay the same. 
> 
> I no longer have the maths brain power as I write this to figure out ages, so make them what you want.  
> A reminder that AoT is about the fucking military (scouts) and a war for survival, so there's naturally violence and bloodshed at some points.
> 
> I do NOT own any of the AOT characters, nor the quotes from the anime,  
> b_laurent14


End file.
